FA+
Shop
Lonely Man.
11 years ago
Lonely Boy
The Black Keys
Well, I'm so above you, and it's clean to see
But I came to love you in a way
So you pull my heart out
And I don't mind bleeding
Any of the time you keep me waiting, waiting, waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Well, your mama kept you, but your daddy left you
And I should have done you just the same
But I came to love you, am I born to bleed?
Any of the time you keep me waiting, waiting, waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, I just love when lyrics off one of my favourite bands put together exactly what I'm feeling.
The only thing that needs rearranging is the word "boy" for "man"...well, I dunno, I am a man, grown-ass 38 man, but I feel as lost as a boy sometimes. A boy lost in a shopping mall. In the clothes store. You got separated from your mom....now what?
Now what?
Well, I know for a fact that I am talking to myself here, because there goes another failure in my life: try to interact with my so-called "brethren" has turned out to be an empty, void experience. I guess I'm about 20 years late to try and do that now. Most users are quite young. And I regret to say, but age difference DOES matter. In a number of ways: we don't get oyur style, you don't get ours. We don't get oyur music, you don't get ours. And so on.
So, well, I might as well keep this as a diary, rather than my real blog. You know, as a "real person" thing. Not a furry.
Also, there are some things that I will write here that I can't write anywhere else, because there might be people reading. Since no one reads me, I don't have to worry. Because no one will read it anyways.
No one reads more than five lines these days. and I'm not excluding myself: I've scrolled past walls of text(quite a wall, six or seven lines) to just look at random pictures. No one wants to read.
That makes me sad, because it means there goes another dream down the drain. My stories are quite long, the latest I was working on turned out to be a 40-page unfinished document in my PC. So, if I post such a thing...it will be ignored. Just like the other one was.
I don't blame you youngsters. I didn't want to read nothing when I was a teen. They had to MAKE us read actual books for school, and each and everyone sucked harder than the one before, so...we don't develop a taste in reading in high school, I think. It comes later. It comes with age.
And age sucks, my friends, it sucks. To get old, is the main curse of my life.
Most of all, when you have to deal with your "grandpa" age...all by yourself.
Ever watched the brilliant show(the british one, I mean) - "The IT Crowd"? I, myself am a huge fan. And on its last episode, Roy said something that stuck on my head - "I'm gonna die old and alone in front of computer porn," something like that, can't remeber the exact words.
That's how I am gonna die. Old and alone, in front of computer furry gay porn.
Well, that's true. Let me break it down a bit: old, I am a bit already, alost hitting the big(and dreaded) 40. Fourty. FOURTY. That's twice the age of most FA users out there, I'd wager.
Alone, I've always been. Even in a fucking crowd, I feel alone. At parties, I feel alone AND miserable. At a club, I feel awkward, old, miserable and alone.
Here, I am alone. In my workplace, I am alone. At home, I am alone. I. Am. Always. Alone.
Have you ever dealt with depression? It's no picnic, let me tell you - and I've been struggling with mine since I was 14 or something. And when I finally think I've found the perfect treatment, the perfect prescribed med, life slaps me on the face and remind me: even if you feel a little better, you'll be alone. Forever and ever. No kidding, it's just like a fucking curse.
I stood locked up in my closet for 17 years, and ever since I still don't feel comfortable with myself, with my sexuality...specially if you add here the "odd" factor of being a furry. Try to admit that to "normal" people". See their faces/reactions. See if they keep calling you "friend". That's even worse than being solely gay, I think. And yours truly is...BOTH. Gay and furry. Well, I know, a lot of you youngster and proud furries out there are "in my team" too.
But I'm not on your team. I'm too old, too inadequate. Too bad as a writer, long and cheesy. Too awful of an artist.
But since I'm talking to myself here, in this journal, I can say anything. No one will read anyway. And to think, that I've been immersed on this universe, this fandom of ours - is it proper to call it a "fandom"? - since 1997. I saw the rise and fall of websites like FurNation, VCL, and some others too. But FA is proving to be strong - the current data flow that comes thru this website astounds me. Like I've said before, too much information. Too many people.
Too many people...and I can't relate to a single one. Not here. Not in the "real" world. Not anywhere.
Funny thing is - I have a friend that once told me he couldn't go on for 3 months without sex. He'd grab the first "thing" that came near him and...well...That same friend, once he was on a VERY dry spell with tthe ladies, I just said to him calmly, "Relax. You'll get used to it."
I got used to it. Too much I'd say. To be a fucking virgin at 38...it's almost as pathetic as that terrible movie about this same issue, "The 40-year old virgin"
But what can I do? I don't attract anyone. I'm not attracted to anyone. And no, I'm not asexual. Believe me, NO, I'm not. Not that there's anything wrong with them - I respect their choice as long as they respect mine - but no. I'm not asexual. I get very, very, horny at times.
But I have to deal with it on my own. The few partners I had - ALL of them "happened" to me while I was too high on denial - all of them, they were pretty lame experiences. Made me feel void. Empty. Wrong gender, of course. But not only that - wrong souls, wrong tastes, wrong bodies, wrong talk. All about them was wrong.
People keep saying the catchphrase - "I've fallen in love with so and so" - Well, if you are in that kind of situation, I'd advise you to holfd on to your loved ones...and never let go.
I can say with all honesty - I've never loved anyone. Not even family. I just don't feel this thing, this unique thing, this bond. There isn't any bond for me. Never had been. I can honestly say that I've never felt it. For real.
My therapist says it's bound to happen - I don't believe her. Because I don't believe that the mere sight of someone could ever shake me this much. I wish I was telling you bullshit, but I'm not lying. I've never looked at someone and went, "whoa". Never. Ever.
So yes, one more gay furry old "pervert" that will die alone in front of furry pornography. It'll be hilarious for the officers to find, when I start to stink. "What a freak, this old man!"
"What a freak."
Yes, I am.
The Black Keys
Well, I'm so above you, and it's clean to see
But I came to love you in a way
So you pull my heart out
And I don't mind bleeding
Any of the time you keep me waiting, waiting, waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Well, your mama kept you, but your daddy left you
And I should have done you just the same
But I came to love you, am I born to bleed?
Any of the time you keep me waiting, waiting, waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, I just love when lyrics off one of my favourite bands put together exactly what I'm feeling.
The only thing that needs rearranging is the word "boy" for "man"...well, I dunno, I am a man, grown-ass 38 man, but I feel as lost as a boy sometimes. A boy lost in a shopping mall. In the clothes store. You got separated from your mom....now what?
Now what?
Well, I know for a fact that I am talking to myself here, because there goes another failure in my life: try to interact with my so-called "brethren" has turned out to be an empty, void experience. I guess I'm about 20 years late to try and do that now. Most users are quite young. And I regret to say, but age difference DOES matter. In a number of ways: we don't get oyur style, you don't get ours. We don't get oyur music, you don't get ours. And so on.
So, well, I might as well keep this as a diary, rather than my real blog. You know, as a "real person" thing. Not a furry.
Also, there are some things that I will write here that I can't write anywhere else, because there might be people reading. Since no one reads me, I don't have to worry. Because no one will read it anyways.
No one reads more than five lines these days. and I'm not excluding myself: I've scrolled past walls of text(quite a wall, six or seven lines) to just look at random pictures. No one wants to read.
That makes me sad, because it means there goes another dream down the drain. My stories are quite long, the latest I was working on turned out to be a 40-page unfinished document in my PC. So, if I post such a thing...it will be ignored. Just like the other one was.
I don't blame you youngsters. I didn't want to read nothing when I was a teen. They had to MAKE us read actual books for school, and each and everyone sucked harder than the one before, so...we don't develop a taste in reading in high school, I think. It comes later. It comes with age.
And age sucks, my friends, it sucks. To get old, is the main curse of my life.
Most of all, when you have to deal with your "grandpa" age...all by yourself.
Ever watched the brilliant show(the british one, I mean) - "The IT Crowd"? I, myself am a huge fan. And on its last episode, Roy said something that stuck on my head - "I'm gonna die old and alone in front of computer porn," something like that, can't remeber the exact words.
That's how I am gonna die. Old and alone, in front of computer furry gay porn.
Well, that's true. Let me break it down a bit: old, I am a bit already, alost hitting the big(and dreaded) 40. Fourty. FOURTY. That's twice the age of most FA users out there, I'd wager.
Alone, I've always been. Even in a fucking crowd, I feel alone. At parties, I feel alone AND miserable. At a club, I feel awkward, old, miserable and alone.
Here, I am alone. In my workplace, I am alone. At home, I am alone. I. Am. Always. Alone.
Have you ever dealt with depression? It's no picnic, let me tell you - and I've been struggling with mine since I was 14 or something. And when I finally think I've found the perfect treatment, the perfect prescribed med, life slaps me on the face and remind me: even if you feel a little better, you'll be alone. Forever and ever. No kidding, it's just like a fucking curse.
I stood locked up in my closet for 17 years, and ever since I still don't feel comfortable with myself, with my sexuality...specially if you add here the "odd" factor of being a furry. Try to admit that to "normal" people". See their faces/reactions. See if they keep calling you "friend". That's even worse than being solely gay, I think. And yours truly is...BOTH. Gay and furry. Well, I know, a lot of you youngster and proud furries out there are "in my team" too.
But I'm not on your team. I'm too old, too inadequate. Too bad as a writer, long and cheesy. Too awful of an artist.
But since I'm talking to myself here, in this journal, I can say anything. No one will read anyway. And to think, that I've been immersed on this universe, this fandom of ours - is it proper to call it a "fandom"? - since 1997. I saw the rise and fall of websites like FurNation, VCL, and some others too. But FA is proving to be strong - the current data flow that comes thru this website astounds me. Like I've said before, too much information. Too many people.
Too many people...and I can't relate to a single one. Not here. Not in the "real" world. Not anywhere.
Funny thing is - I have a friend that once told me he couldn't go on for 3 months without sex. He'd grab the first "thing" that came near him and...well...That same friend, once he was on a VERY dry spell with tthe ladies, I just said to him calmly, "Relax. You'll get used to it."
I got used to it. Too much I'd say. To be a fucking virgin at 38...it's almost as pathetic as that terrible movie about this same issue, "The 40-year old virgin"
But what can I do? I don't attract anyone. I'm not attracted to anyone. And no, I'm not asexual. Believe me, NO, I'm not. Not that there's anything wrong with them - I respect their choice as long as they respect mine - but no. I'm not asexual. I get very, very, horny at times.
But I have to deal with it on my own. The few partners I had - ALL of them "happened" to me while I was too high on denial - all of them, they were pretty lame experiences. Made me feel void. Empty. Wrong gender, of course. But not only that - wrong souls, wrong tastes, wrong bodies, wrong talk. All about them was wrong.
People keep saying the catchphrase - "I've fallen in love with so and so" - Well, if you are in that kind of situation, I'd advise you to holfd on to your loved ones...and never let go.
I can say with all honesty - I've never loved anyone. Not even family. I just don't feel this thing, this unique thing, this bond. There isn't any bond for me. Never had been. I can honestly say that I've never felt it. For real.
My therapist says it's bound to happen - I don't believe her. Because I don't believe that the mere sight of someone could ever shake me this much. I wish I was telling you bullshit, but I'm not lying. I've never looked at someone and went, "whoa". Never. Ever.
So yes, one more gay furry old "pervert" that will die alone in front of furry pornography. It'll be hilarious for the officers to find, when I start to stink. "What a freak, this old man!"
"What a freak."
Yes, I am.
