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It's either you or me
11 years ago
General
I am honestly at such a great loss for words. I try so hard to make everybody smile, make a positive change to someone's day, or to just be there for somebody in a time of need. No matter what, I always stop what I'm doing to help you all through a rough spot or to just brighten up the day. It is a life I chose to live, it is a life with many emotions. I am grateful for the life I chose.
I suffer from severe depression, actual clinically analyzed depression. I've learned to cope with it. One of the best ways I cope with it, is by being a friend to all of you. By knowing that my quirky actions, my loyalty and my friendship can make a world of difference.
What doesn't help and why I'm at such a defeated position right now is that I always seem to be back burner. When I'm in need of comfort, or have hit a rough patch, there's not a soul to be found. Am I not who I'm lead to believe I am? Do you think I'm fraudulent? Am I a bad person? Am I not really yourf friend? Are you all just using me?
I really do pour my heart and soul in to this community. It hurts so much to be rejected and forgotten about the ones I care so much about. It's like once we're face to face, somehow we're buddy buddy, but when we all go about our daily schedule and not at an event, I don't exist. You don't even bother to say "hi" randomly. You never ask me about my day, or ask me if something is bothering me. What is wrong with you all? Or is it me? Is it I? The one who does check in with you to make sure all is well and dandy, or is it you? The one who doesn't acknowledge me until you need something.
God help me because I need motivation to continue my life long stride down the road I've chosen if all I am is a tool, a crutch or what have you. Why should I continue to care about any of you if you don't care about me? I'm pretty tempted to just call it quits with the "nice guy" charade if I don't even have the respect from the people I've bled for. It's a big, solid middle finger to me.
I suffer from severe depression, actual clinically analyzed depression. I've learned to cope with it. One of the best ways I cope with it, is by being a friend to all of you. By knowing that my quirky actions, my loyalty and my friendship can make a world of difference.
What doesn't help and why I'm at such a defeated position right now is that I always seem to be back burner. When I'm in need of comfort, or have hit a rough patch, there's not a soul to be found. Am I not who I'm lead to believe I am? Do you think I'm fraudulent? Am I a bad person? Am I not really yourf friend? Are you all just using me?
I really do pour my heart and soul in to this community. It hurts so much to be rejected and forgotten about the ones I care so much about. It's like once we're face to face, somehow we're buddy buddy, but when we all go about our daily schedule and not at an event, I don't exist. You don't even bother to say "hi" randomly. You never ask me about my day, or ask me if something is bothering me. What is wrong with you all? Or is it me? Is it I? The one who does check in with you to make sure all is well and dandy, or is it you? The one who doesn't acknowledge me until you need something.
God help me because I need motivation to continue my life long stride down the road I've chosen if all I am is a tool, a crutch or what have you. Why should I continue to care about any of you if you don't care about me? I'm pretty tempted to just call it quits with the "nice guy" charade if I don't even have the respect from the people I've bled for. It's a big, solid middle finger to me.
I'm not going to say what it is, but you know what I'm talking about. I didn't know that
you were going through so much. I swear to god, bro. I'll drive down there and hug ya!
Check your notes... I'm about to send you my phone number (if you don't have it already)
Some people don't really see the need to stay in contact 24/7 though, and still feel like people are their friends. I have a friend from school I've known for almost 6 years now, we maybe have a brief text convo once a month, and then maybe see each other for her birthday or other big event every now and then and it's like we were never apart. we catch up and chat and it's great. I still consider her a friend even though we're not in constant contact. Honestly the only person I talk to on any sort of frequent basis is my boyfriend.
So what I'm getting at is, don't take it personally. I at least can say I don't forget. I think about all my friends every now and then, wonder how they're doing, and when I see them or they contact me, I always make an effort to catch up and see how they are. it's just how I roll. I read a lot of people's journals on here if they look like something might be wrong and I always hope the best for them and that they get through whatever's bothering them even if I don't know them personally.
I wish I had known you were having a hard time before! I would have made more of an effort to find you at FP and stick around for a while and hang out, give you some more hugs. I'll keep that in mind for next time I see ya.
As it stands now, if you ever wanna talk about stuff or vent, I'm here for ya, just a note away. And remember, just cuz a friend isn't reaching out to you doesn't always mean they don't care! *hug* feel beter buddy.
please hit me up if ya ever need anything
If I didn't care about you I wouldn't know that you cherished your mini coop ^^
But not at all actually. Quite the opposite dude, you're the man.
I value you as a friend, I am just not a big talker when I am not with people. I don't randomly contact anyone pretty much.
Hit me up if you ever want to, I know what you're going through (sort of, obviously I am not you so I don't know your exact position but I am familiar with the feelings you seem to be experiencing)
You're awesome, and if it wasn't for your eccentric awesome ways, we would have never met in the first place! Come on, some weirdo furry talking about Fieros... You happened to be like "YOU HAVE A FIERO?!" and really that moment sticks well in my mind.
Also when you came up to Maine too, dude, was great... and if it wasn't for you I don't think I would have made Furfright a regular haunt of mine.
Keep up being awesome, you inspire me to try to be more like you!
PS: I know that Fiero deal never went through with you... but when I finish my Fiero as an SCCA GT2 race car, I'll let ya drive it if you want. May be a few years down the road but, hell it's something to look forward to!
I actually don't know if you have my number but I have yours ;o
I would always drop anything I am doing to hang out or just talk!
You are an amazing person and you were there for me through so much!
If you ever need anything just lemme know!
My work schedule is different every week but so far I always work Sundays
So feel free to just text or message me!!