It is partly due to me lacking motivation, not just the want to write but I'm simply just having a hard time working myself into actually a writing mood. I've tried everything from doing Table Top RPG's to RP with long time friends and even trying to write out a short story but I don't get further than a small but detailed outline.

Secondly: I'm very stressed. To give people a bit of insight even though I have a very big heart and I do care about all of those I consider my true family from MPL and Reli, Sky, Leona and Rusty (plus more that I haven't mentioned, the list is very long winded), I also have issues with saving money because of my 'local' family and all the habits they have. Because they spend all their funds on habits and I try to spend as little as possible while saving up some rainy day funds for something nice... I end up having to pay bills, buy essentials and even bail them out of crap that they can't. Yet they've never, ever, ever, tried to even help me once even when I had outstanding tickets that they could have been nice to help me with even though I was the only one of my other two siblings who never asked for funds or even help with trying to get a job. (My brother doesn't count as he had a friend get him all of his jobs and he's gone though about 5 of them all because he didn't like the working conditions).

And to add to that note I'm currently working as an Admin for a Minecraft Server (Doesn't pay much and I won't say more on that) plus I also work a job at night stocking the cooler at a liquor store. And yes, while I do play games during the day time hours... I split my attention between it and the server which is also part of the reason I sometimes don't respond right away when people send me a message on Skype/Steam/etc.

Normally I don't go out and make a big fuss over things but some perspective on the levels of stress in my life... I'm only twenty five, sure I still live in America but the unemployment right now is so vicious that there's no way one can get a job without some kind of prior experience. I know I probably sound like HUNDREDS of other stressed out kids but the honest truth of the matter: I used to work as a door to door sales man. They taught me that in order to sell my product: I have to lie. Jumped ship after I learned that i don't earn a salary of any form unless I sell the product.

Second job, McDonalds. Got sick for one week and had a note that even told my bosses it was the Flu. Call in on the last day to update my bosses and get some other person who works at the front. Ask for a manager and get told 'They'll tell a Manager for me.' I demand to speak to a manager and they hang up. I keep trying back and they pick up, then hang up. Did that for an hour and give up after who knows what time it was that they hung up on me. I'm wondering why the manager never, ever asked them why they were 'Hawking' the phone like they were. Worse still, I come in the next day and find out because I didn't check in that I was fired. I tell them I tried to check in and ask them to look up the phone records and they claim that they cannot do that. I only learned recently that was lying on their part because any business can request phone records for their establishment so long as it isn't disclosed. Rather than fight it I let the backstabbing jerk get away with it because it was better than making a big stink about it.

my current jobs are the ones I'm working at now. Yes, they do have moments of happiness... but are overall stress inducing. I'm only 25 and my hair is already going white. If I were 30 I'd understand but not the case.

Sure, I know I'm going on a rant here and if people ask me to I will remove this journal because I don't like being a downer and I'd rather write about some happier things. Like how I go out of my way for my real family. I love doing things like that... even at the cost of my own 'happiness' or whatnot because I'm happy seeing them happy, this includes my Girlfriend.

General to say that I'm so full of shit right now that I'm sorry I even wrote this journal about it because it is why I'm so exhausted lately... I'm sorry to all but I do love you all too..

~Game Boy