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Turn Blue.
11 years ago
Sometimes it's a comfort knowing no one will read this at all.
Sometimes it's not.
Specially on those days you're out there alone, lost in the wilderness of your own fucked up reality...
Reaching out.
For what?
Some kind of help?
A hand?
What do you seek?
What I seek can't be found. Won't be found.
They say life rushes you by. They are right, youngsters. Heed to this advice. Do not waste time.
Otherwise, you'll end up waking up alone at 38...with nothing much to do with the remainder of your days. No joy, no career, no money.
No one.
The funny thing is, when I started this latest treatment of mine, I really thought it'd work. Because I've seen positive results, for the first time in 20-something years of eternal struggle...
And now it's coming back. Day by day, I feel it closing in again. Stealing my joy away. Stealing my force away.
No one will read this. I know. But I also know, sometimes, silence is the loudest cry for help.
But who would help me? Her, where I don't even know anyone, not have the guts to say even "hi" to someone else around here.
And I thought it'd be so easy, to mingle amongst mind-alike people...
Turns out we're all people. And I do have to quote once again Roy Trenenman:
"People! What a bunch of bastards!"
Just a tad different from the rest of mankind. Even though they won't admit it. We're all fucking people. Homo sapiens sapiens.
I wished I was not. I most sincerely do. I wish I was anything else, even a Giardia cell. A fungus. A Paramecium.
Not this mass of cells that thinks and thinks way too much.
That was born with this certainty imprinted on his head: You will die alone.
I will. I know I will.
So, if you have a significant one, don't ever let them go. Treat them with love and respect. Love them, as madly as you can.
But don't ever let them go.
Don't end up alone.
It's fucking awful, let me tell you.
Sometimes it's not.
Specially on those days you're out there alone, lost in the wilderness of your own fucked up reality...
Reaching out.
For what?
Some kind of help?
A hand?
What do you seek?
What I seek can't be found. Won't be found.
They say life rushes you by. They are right, youngsters. Heed to this advice. Do not waste time.
Otherwise, you'll end up waking up alone at 38...with nothing much to do with the remainder of your days. No joy, no career, no money.
No one.
The funny thing is, when I started this latest treatment of mine, I really thought it'd work. Because I've seen positive results, for the first time in 20-something years of eternal struggle...
And now it's coming back. Day by day, I feel it closing in again. Stealing my joy away. Stealing my force away.
No one will read this. I know. But I also know, sometimes, silence is the loudest cry for help.
But who would help me? Her, where I don't even know anyone, not have the guts to say even "hi" to someone else around here.
And I thought it'd be so easy, to mingle amongst mind-alike people...
Turns out we're all people. And I do have to quote once again Roy Trenenman:
"People! What a bunch of bastards!"
Just a tad different from the rest of mankind. Even though they won't admit it. We're all fucking people. Homo sapiens sapiens.
I wished I was not. I most sincerely do. I wish I was anything else, even a Giardia cell. A fungus. A Paramecium.
Not this mass of cells that thinks and thinks way too much.
That was born with this certainty imprinted on his head: You will die alone.
I will. I know I will.
So, if you have a significant one, don't ever let them go. Treat them with love and respect. Love them, as madly as you can.
But don't ever let them go.
Don't end up alone.
It's fucking awful, let me tell you.
