Im at a loss now....I mean, I dont know if it feels right anymore. To just live like this. My heart yearning for something but I can't put my finger on it...its not even on the tip of my tongue. I feel so...empty...nothing is there....I can't figt the feeling of letting it consume me.

That dreadful emptyiness, eatting away at my very being...it hurts...makes my chest burn. But not as painful as I thought it would be. No one here interest me liek that. I guess thats why my only option is for long distance relationship with people....but technically this is my first major one.


Maybe...maybe there wrong...maybe I dont deserve them....not the other way around, dont....dont get me wrong its not like im givivng up or anything. I just feel that....Its beginning to get stressful, frequnent headaches..more of them at work...getting madder at people by the second.

Jealosuy getting out of control...did I even love you to begin with...yes I must of but...why does it feel like I did it out of desperation?

I want to just crave more scats into my body...just drown out the other pain. *sighs*

Everything is going away..all these feeling s are leaving me...whats wrong with me..something else is wrong with...I must be a deseperate fool to think anyone really loved me.

I still want to just be in your arms and get held by you but.....what then?