Lately I've been struggling with some personal issues that have been caused by the way I was raised. My mother and father treated sex and anything pertaining to it as something extremely evil as well as shameful. The idea of me even holding hands with my then boyfriend repulsed them. Imagine the fits they threw when I started reading adult fanfics. I was actually told I was disgusting for reading it.

Now, when I began to draw it stayed mostly clean until my hormones actually started to work. I used artwork as a medium to explore a forbidden subject and it was a great relief to me to be able to express my normal, healthy desires that I had been told were wrong and filthy. Until my parents began to dig through my artwork that is.

That's been years ago but I still have that deep sense of shame within me. Whenever I draw something adult in nature, I often can't show it to anyone without losing the drive to finish it. The same goes for adult fanfics that I write. I often lose motivation to finish them and intimate scenes are hard for me to write. If someone so much as looks over my shoulder while I'm writing an adult scene and I'll simply stop working on the fic for a long while or just plain scrap it. I've been trying to overcome this personal problems but its not always easy.