i dont even know where to start
there is just so much and yet, there is nothing
my depression and anxiety are at an all time high. i need to renew my health insurance and make an appointment so i can finally get on medication for depression and anxiety as well as get back on birth control.
i'm having relationship issues but i'm not going into that right now.
my depression/anxiety gets worse when the space around me is gross. my apartment is super fucking gross and i feel like even if i try cleaning, it doesn't make a difference.
i have one partial to finish (which i should have fucking finished already but i am fucking trash), one partial to start and finish, armsleeves to finish (one good thing is that the fur i've been waiting TWO MONTHS on for these armsleeves, finally got here today), a pair of handpaws that were prematurely paid for MONTHS ago (this is why i take payments as i'm working on your guys' commissions cuz if you pay me and it takes me a long time to get to you, i feel like shit), a head to be started and finished from a trade, and two handpaw commissions that i'm sure i'm going to have to message the commissioners and tell them i just can't get to them.
i have to get all that shit done before i have to move at the end of january because if we stay in this apartment and renew our lease, our rent is going to go up again and we're already paying $775 for a shitty two bedroom, with no dishwasher, washing machine or dryer and the back door has a huge gap between the glass door and the stationary glass which lets all the heat out which makes our electric go up a fuck ton cuz we have to turn the heaters up to stay warm.
plus on top of everything, i took a last minute trip a couple hours south to visit a friend's town, stayed the night and came back yesterday, but the trip got me sick. my whole body hurts today, i can't breathe through my nose, can barely breathe through my mouth either since my throat is super mucus-y.
most of the time i feel like the world is crashing down but then i'll have, i guess, a disassociative moment where i think i'm just being a pussy and this isn't all that bad and i need to just fucking get over myself.
i dont even know anymore. i feel like shit. and because i feel like shit, i know i'm disappointing people which makes me feel even shittier.