My alarm went off this morning as it always does. Back at home, back to work, and the usual routine of normalcy sets in. Following the end of the weekend, everything's back to the way it was before. Except it's really not the way it was before, not exactly.

My head's still swimming a bit following my journey to Chicago to attend Midwest FurFest 2014, partly (okay, largely) due to sheer exhaustion but also because the weekend as a whole has left me with so very much on my mind that it's been a struggle to adequately sort through all of my impressions and feelings. I've wanted all day to take some time and put these thoughts to paper (digitally) as best I can, for the sake of helping myself to organize it all, for the sake of giving proper respect and recognition to the events and the people that affected me while I was there, and, perhaps, for the sake of anybody out there that hasn't attended a convention of this sort in person. If anybody happens to get anything out of this, I'll call it the gravy upon the mashed-potato-volcano that the con itself already built.

To preface, I call this a "first timer's" account. Technically I have been to conventions before, at the time that was for anime-related things, not for furs. I've even attended a pair of such events in the very hotel that MWFF takes place in, although that was nearly ten years ago. This was my first-ever furry convention, and also the furthest I have ever traveled completely on my own. At my age it feels pretty shameful to admit that, but most of my travels up to now have involved going with family members. I don't typically vacation much. Anyway, the point being I was at least a little bit familiar with what it looks like to walk into a convention (particularly conventions taking place in the Hyatt Regency O'Hare), but given the difference of community involved in this one and the relatively solitary nature of my trip in the first place, there was a lot of trepidation involved. I've historically been a very private person. Nobody in my "real life" knows about the existence of Snowe or my involvement in this community, and only very rarely have I ever made mention of anything about my regular life around here, short of my close friends within the No-Clip group. The point being, going out of state to a convention kind of takes both problematic aspects of that divide and smashes them together. Aside from a passing mention to another supervisor at my job, nobody among my family and friends even knew I would be out of town this weekend, traveling to a place where nobody had ever met me before. Kind of surreal, to say the least. To make things even more interesting, within the first hour of my arrival I found out that I would in fact have a roommate (I wasn't sure beforehand if that would be the case or not), an entourage of about 7 folks followed me back to my car to retrieve my one suitcase and two additional bags, and it turned out that we were going to be one of the "party rooms," so the place was packed with about 10 folks yelling about Smash Bros and other stuff in general. I wouldn't say that the first few hours were overwhelming, exactly, but it definitely left me with little choice but to dive in headfirst. I have no idea if that's the best way to go for a first-timer or not, but I have to think it went decently well for me. At least I hope it did.

Like I mentioned, I've been pretty private and somewhat closed, even within the community here, so outside of a very scant few, I'd never even had much online interaction with the vast majority of people that were going to be at the con. I knew a few, and knew of a few more through artwork and other secondhand accounts who I assumed largely wouldn't know or recognize Snowe at all, but most everyone else I'd be encountering all had much larger networks, and had met each other at previous cons. I expected to walk into the few folks I knew hanging with a ton of folks I didn't and an endless string of in-jokes I would never fully understand the reference to. And that did happen! However, it only took until my first meal there to develop an in-joke story of my own at the expense of our Antichrist Overlord Toby Keith, and it was after that point where whatever remaining apprehension I had about dealing with other people at the con was tossed aside. From there the rest of the weekend turned into a series of events. There were thrills, spills (literally and figuratively), and chills, both in terms of just casually hanging out with people, as well as wandering the streets of Chicago at two in the morning in December wearing suit pants and a t-shirt. Speaking of which...

I can't not make mention of the "attack" that occurred in the wee hours of Sunday morning. It was a bit of a harrowing experience, to be sure, and obviously I'm extremely glad that everybody made it out without lasting damage, but in a certain bizarre way, I don't view it as a completely negative experience either, speaking strictly for myself. It allowed me a rare window to view some people and events in a way I hadn't before. It's said that bonds are formed through shared experience, whether good or bad, and for me, traveling the street, trying to work out where everyone was and find out if they were okay or not, waiting huddled together in the Hilton's ballroom, it's certainly an experience I'll never forget and ultimately I came away very impressed with everyone I'd already been spending the weekend with. I said this to a few of you on Sunday already, but I don't think I could have had a better group of people to go through a long, tough night with. Seemingly the theme of the following morning with most people I talked to was "trust me, most cons aren't like this!" in some apparent attempt to convince me not to immediately flee in abject horror, but honestly, from the point where we were waiting semi-stranded on one of the hotel balconies all the way until I finally hit the bed again after 6am, I never regretted my decision to come. Some asshole trying to ruin the party isn't worth separating myself from a community of people that, if anything, I now feel like I should strengthen my ties to, rather than run away from.

By the time everything was said and done, Chicago was behind me and the long road home stretched ahead, I started to wonder about how going to this convention would impact me, and I wondered in equal measure if I had any impact on the con in turn. I don't really have any idea what sort of impression I gave off to the people I spent time with at MWFF, but...in some ways, that in and of itself is part of the point of a con like this in the first place, isn't it? A place for people with one similar interest but a tremendous variety of differences, all acting freely as themselves without undue concerns about being judged for it...perhaps a bit more romanticized than it really is in practice (even at a fur-con I wouldn't recommend acting like a total ass, and I hope I never came off that way), but the sentiment is there. If nothing else, it provided an illuminating experience for me to see a lot of people in-person that up until now I'd only heard about online in various ways. I don't yet know if I'll attend another furry convention, and if so I don't know how long it might be before that happens, but I think I now understand why so many people find so much value in them. Hell, thinking back, outside of a jaunt into the dealer's den that probably only lasted 5 minutes at most, I never even took part in any of the official convention activities. The whole of my time was just spent being with people, and I'm completely fine with that. It's always going to be the people, in the end.

Ultimately, my mindset going in was to treat this with an open mind. I expected it to be an adventure, in some form, and I definitely got that. I expected to collect a memorable moment or two, and I came out with unforgettable moments in spades. I hoped to strengthen the few ties with people I already knew there, and perhaps even pick up a new friend or two. Whether those pan out or not will take time to find out...but I want to put forth the effort to at least try.

Believe it or not, there's actually a fair bit more that I wanted to say. Specifically I want to shout out to a lot of the people I met and spent time with at the con, because I have words for each of you that I didn't have the time or the wherewithal to get out while I was with you in person. But...this journal is already far long enough as it is, and it's too late into the night for me to keep going and be able to even remotely function at work in the morning. I'll have more tomorrow. If you've already been patient enough to read through all of this, A) You're a complete saint and deserve a cookie, and B) stay tuned. I'll probably sneak a few kudos on Twitter as well while at work, to the folks whose handles I happen to already know.

For now, a tremendous thank-you to everyone who put up with my sarcastic quips and who so easily welcomed me into the fold. It's been a hell of a ride.
-- Snowe