I won't reveal who it was and why i said these things to them, but what I said was true and it is how I feels and why I am getting so lost and starting to hide from life (all the real things that are good and all the bad things that i imagine.)

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never be sorry that you opened up to me. I feel verys happies and honored that you did wif me. Ima very sowwy that i do not speak more and that is most likely my biggest issue, some sort of self fulfilling prophesy. The one where I say to my self "i am alone and i always will be" and then no matter how close I might get to somepony I just stop talking. not because i want to, in fact it is very much the opposite, but the closer I get to someone in any form, the more I shy away and avoid any possibility that i might say or do something stupid that would at least in my mind make that person hate me quicker, because he or she will someday, everyone eventually does, so why bother with trying to speak.

I growing up never had friends (I am not kidding, it wasn't until I was 34 (I am 36 now and will be 37 on Jan 26) that i had the first thing i could call a friend.) I as a child never learned how to talk to people, how to interact, how to relate, how to socialize with others who are either my peers (age range) or those who share a similar interest with me, you know those things that bring people together to start interacting, that eventually develops into a friendship or more serious (sometimes.) I was always alone, kept to myself and had my muzzle in books and stuff, it may have been that kids tried to interact with me idk, but if they did i pushed them away and did things that made them dislike and tease me (acted weird etc etc, and with children, it is the ones who stand out apart from the crowd that are the most picked on and teased.) Again I figured, assumed or thought as a young boy (elementary aged) that they hate me, they don't like me, they never have and never will, so i might as well give them a good reason for their dislike. Home life was horrible, if I wasn't being punched by my drunk step father, I was being ridiculed, teased, and made fun of my others in my family.

I am very sorries that your health is bads and i would gladly and without a first hesitant thought give up my health in the hope that my sacrifice would help you get better and live a long and happy life (I sadly know that it doesn't work that way in 99% of cases. There are situations where what i have would help you or another, such as heart, lungs, kidney, liver etc etc and in those cases, i would 110% willingly give up living that someone like you would be able to live the life I never was able or was allowed to

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