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More than one year away
11 years ago
I remember that a long time ago, I promised not to disappear from FA without saying a word except if something bad stroke me.
So what has happened, did I have an accident or caught a terrible illness? Nothing of that. I broke my promise, and I'm sorry about that.
The following is only an explanation, but not an excuse why I was absent.
With my new job, I have much less free time than I had before when I was studying. At the moment, I have arrangements for each evening of the week from Monday to Friday. Also, maybe as a positive aspect, I currently know more people in real life. My autism might be contributing to why I am really bad at keeping alive my contacts, and I have problems with answering e-mails in my inbox too. Furthermore, I have begun to dislike my own behaviour, it feels self-centered, wailing and begging for attention.
Last year in winter, I fell in love with a polar bear that I had met here. This happiness was a feeling I had never experienced before, and I was ready to visit him this year, going more than 9000 km.
It was hard for me to accept that our love would have no future. His family, being strictly catholic, would never acknowledge our feelings, and I would bring him in jeopardy if I turned up. As there was no way for us to be together some time, I eventually ended our relation, and it has rendered me heartbroken up to this day.
I have since then avoided FA and most of the furry subject because it reminds me of so many hurtful things: I am incapable to get to know other furs, I despise my own drawings, and whenever the cute pictures here touch me, it simply makes me feel more miserable. One should never awaken false hope, it will turn into pain.
Just recently, I tried to join a local furry group in my town. Although I don't know what I did wrong, I suspect that the failures following my intentions were due to my disability.
I am gay, and I long for someone whom I can care for and be tender to. But I don't know what to do.
Will I spend more time on FA again? Probably not; For now, I have given up most of my furry dreams. But I will miss you. However, I will continue to work on my game during holidays. The new graphics system is almost done, the characters can now wear clothes, change their facial expressions, and wag their tails and walk at the same time.
I thank all of you who cared about me.
σκαρυτε
So what has happened, did I have an accident or caught a terrible illness? Nothing of that. I broke my promise, and I'm sorry about that.
The following is only an explanation, but not an excuse why I was absent.
With my new job, I have much less free time than I had before when I was studying. At the moment, I have arrangements for each evening of the week from Monday to Friday. Also, maybe as a positive aspect, I currently know more people in real life. My autism might be contributing to why I am really bad at keeping alive my contacts, and I have problems with answering e-mails in my inbox too. Furthermore, I have begun to dislike my own behaviour, it feels self-centered, wailing and begging for attention.
Last year in winter, I fell in love with a polar bear that I had met here. This happiness was a feeling I had never experienced before, and I was ready to visit him this year, going more than 9000 km.
It was hard for me to accept that our love would have no future. His family, being strictly catholic, would never acknowledge our feelings, and I would bring him in jeopardy if I turned up. As there was no way for us to be together some time, I eventually ended our relation, and it has rendered me heartbroken up to this day.
I have since then avoided FA and most of the furry subject because it reminds me of so many hurtful things: I am incapable to get to know other furs, I despise my own drawings, and whenever the cute pictures here touch me, it simply makes me feel more miserable. One should never awaken false hope, it will turn into pain.
Just recently, I tried to join a local furry group in my town. Although I don't know what I did wrong, I suspect that the failures following my intentions were due to my disability.
I am gay, and I long for someone whom I can care for and be tender to. But I don't know what to do.
Will I spend more time on FA again? Probably not; For now, I have given up most of my furry dreams. But I will miss you. However, I will continue to work on my game during holidays. The new graphics system is almost done, the characters can now wear clothes, change their facial expressions, and wag their tails and walk at the same time.
I thank all of you who cared about me.
σκαρυτε
sorry to hear of your dreams in the furry world bringing bad memories, but those memories are only bad if you let them be. i learned that over the course of my own life.... when you think of them negative they will make you feel down, but think of the positives of them memories.. never despise what you once loved to do and i can see its still something you do love..... way i see it i think you learned a valuable thing about your self, love and your capacity for love from what happened.. cause it obvious your decision meant you cared a lot for them and their own sake.... what love about, wanting and trying to protect those you care for..
you will find somebody, yes. but love is not something that you can make happen, you have to let it happen and you never know where you will find it. or when... it comes to you when it wants to....
Wish you well my friend, if i had a furry group i would let you be a part of it...