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Sometimes you just need to vent
10 years ago
Which I feel deep down in doing so, it's been along time since I vented about anything. Well I guess I'll go ahead and start...
I hope next year will be better than this year, I mean it... I am amazed at the sort of luck I've had this year really I am. First and foremost was when a good friend of mine decided to stop being friends with me because of my own personal choices, and then another one up and turned around saying I wasn't a good friend. I still blame myself everyday, wondering what I did wrong or what I could have done differently... It's always a repeat, year after year and I am still clueless as to what I seem to do wrong.
I play World of Warcraft a lot alright, I've gotten back into it because it's the only escape I seem to have besides other internet things... I'm annoying it appears, not sure how. It's alright for people to brag at me what they have or what they had gotten, but if I even talk about what I got let's say, a mount or something in real life... I get told, Why do you only talk to me to brag at me, IT's very annoying." ... Alright, so I'll stop talking about anything and just sit there being happy for what you or others have instead.
Christmas was a hard day for me this year, the holiday was sort of... like a normal day. I suppose it's due to knowing I couldn't wish a friend merry Christmas because they had passed away this year... So I stayed minding my own thoughts instead of bothering others, because I didn't want to hear, Aska seriously or Aska stop being this or that, or Aska you always do this or that blah blah wrong wrong.
I found out from my mom, I love her dearly that my aunt think's I'm messed up in the head because I was to be male not female, that I am a woman and should act like one... -Grunts- It's very stressful and makes me want to cry sometimes, school did the same thing. I feel lost, I feel trapped, I feel confused... I grow tired of the daily told this or that, or to do this or that... I am trying so hard to be myself, to be someone that cares and can be looked forward to speaking to... but it's failing.
I somewhere along the lines forgot about myself and forgot how to take care of myself, I have weight issues, I don't like being told I'm getting fatter. My aunt told me yesterday I'm getting wider and gaining weight. I don't eat junk food hardly, I go walking, I do all sorts of things but... it's more stress... It's saddening. I want to scream, I want to just scream at the world. I'm not apart of my pagan group anymore, they didn't want me there after the one fight me and one of the folks had because she was high and drunk... I got told all I do is antagonize people, I haven't been there in months... I finally left a note and said I won't be coming anymore since it is clear I wasn't invited to show my mug around.
My uncle seems to think it's okay to nag me sometimes, I do things differently. His family does, and so does mine... All over a milk carton who knew, it was cold and rainy that day, I didn't want to get sick but he got upset because I didn't go out in it to toss the carton in the trash. So i did, and got cold. Ah well.
Being a furry isn't easy I am realizing, when people see my Sona they seem to avoid me? Not sure why, he's not that scary. In all truth he'd cuddle the hell out of someone and be that person whom you could throw all ones issues on and still try to smile. Sort of like how I am... Spazz Twizzler has become part of my life more than any other sona I own, I just wish that I could be as cheery as he could be even when times are hard...
I like to draw traditionally. Not going to lie, Digital art causes me a lot of pain in my wrist and hand. So when I get told I'm better at painting digitally it makes me feel stressed, when I get told Eh on my traditional that I spend more hours on than my digital I start to question things... As an artist, what I draw on paper is my life, it's what I enjoy the most... I never could get the hang of digital at all...
Bah I guess that's the end of my ranting venting for now... in other news, IT'S ALMOST NEW YEARS.
I hope next year will be better than this year, I mean it... I am amazed at the sort of luck I've had this year really I am. First and foremost was when a good friend of mine decided to stop being friends with me because of my own personal choices, and then another one up and turned around saying I wasn't a good friend. I still blame myself everyday, wondering what I did wrong or what I could have done differently... It's always a repeat, year after year and I am still clueless as to what I seem to do wrong.
I play World of Warcraft a lot alright, I've gotten back into it because it's the only escape I seem to have besides other internet things... I'm annoying it appears, not sure how. It's alright for people to brag at me what they have or what they had gotten, but if I even talk about what I got let's say, a mount or something in real life... I get told, Why do you only talk to me to brag at me, IT's very annoying." ... Alright, so I'll stop talking about anything and just sit there being happy for what you or others have instead.
Christmas was a hard day for me this year, the holiday was sort of... like a normal day. I suppose it's due to knowing I couldn't wish a friend merry Christmas because they had passed away this year... So I stayed minding my own thoughts instead of bothering others, because I didn't want to hear, Aska seriously or Aska stop being this or that, or Aska you always do this or that blah blah wrong wrong.
I found out from my mom, I love her dearly that my aunt think's I'm messed up in the head because I was to be male not female, that I am a woman and should act like one... -Grunts- It's very stressful and makes me want to cry sometimes, school did the same thing. I feel lost, I feel trapped, I feel confused... I grow tired of the daily told this or that, or to do this or that... I am trying so hard to be myself, to be someone that cares and can be looked forward to speaking to... but it's failing.
I somewhere along the lines forgot about myself and forgot how to take care of myself, I have weight issues, I don't like being told I'm getting fatter. My aunt told me yesterday I'm getting wider and gaining weight. I don't eat junk food hardly, I go walking, I do all sorts of things but... it's more stress... It's saddening. I want to scream, I want to just scream at the world. I'm not apart of my pagan group anymore, they didn't want me there after the one fight me and one of the folks had because she was high and drunk... I got told all I do is antagonize people, I haven't been there in months... I finally left a note and said I won't be coming anymore since it is clear I wasn't invited to show my mug around.
My uncle seems to think it's okay to nag me sometimes, I do things differently. His family does, and so does mine... All over a milk carton who knew, it was cold and rainy that day, I didn't want to get sick but he got upset because I didn't go out in it to toss the carton in the trash. So i did, and got cold. Ah well.
Being a furry isn't easy I am realizing, when people see my Sona they seem to avoid me? Not sure why, he's not that scary. In all truth he'd cuddle the hell out of someone and be that person whom you could throw all ones issues on and still try to smile. Sort of like how I am... Spazz Twizzler has become part of my life more than any other sona I own, I just wish that I could be as cheery as he could be even when times are hard...
I like to draw traditionally. Not going to lie, Digital art causes me a lot of pain in my wrist and hand. So when I get told I'm better at painting digitally it makes me feel stressed, when I get told Eh on my traditional that I spend more hours on than my digital I start to question things... As an artist, what I draw on paper is my life, it's what I enjoy the most... I never could get the hang of digital at all...
Bah I guess that's the end of my ranting venting for now... in other news, IT'S ALMOST NEW YEARS.
