FA+
Shop
Fursuiting and "The Real Me"
11 years ago
You guys probably already know this, but I kind of like fursuiting. A lot. I'm also a pretty introspective person. Lately I put some thought into this sort of idea of how my fursuits relate to what I'll call "the real me" - or what a less armchair sort of philosopher might refer to as the self.
For a long time, basically since day 1 of my fursuit, I've had this dissociation between my fursuit and myself, in the sense that...I didn't create my fursuit, so if someone compliments it, I never really felt true ownership of that compliment. This is one of the reasons that performance compliments- i.e. how well I portray a character and bring it to life - mean more to me; the performance of a character is something I can really take ownership of. And, in fact, if I'm wearing someone else's fursuit, that performance is really is the only part that I can truly claim as mine, and those are the only compliments that truly can be applied to me.
As I've been mulling it over, though, I think there's a lot more crossover between the fursuits I own and myself than I'd realized, or than I'd let myself believe. The thing is, those characters are my characters. I define who they are, what they should look like, and how they behave.
For a long time, I've kind of felt like knowing me by my suit was a bit shallow. But the thing is, the entirety of that fursuit's existence is wrapped up in my existence. Not only is the character mine, not only does the fursuit exist because of me, and not only are their actions my actions, but even the decision to fursuit is mine as well.
An example: a good part of why one of my favorite bands knows who I am, keeps in touch with me, etc. is that I've fursuited at some of their concerts. I've gone to their afterparties; I've gotten a lapdance from their keyboardist; I've been backstage and VIP; my fursuit is in one of their albums' interior art...it has been a crazy run, all started almost entirely because I showed up at their shows in fursuit(s). But there was this nagging thought in the back of my head, that it would have been cool for them to want to know me for the real me.
But somehow it hadn't clicked until today that that is the real me. The real me is this crazy guy who in addition to his interesting other life, loves to fursuit randomly in public and friggin loves their music and will dance the hell out of their songs and has a total blast making concerts Portland/San Francisco/Seattle a little weirder and a bit more fun.
That is the person they want to know, and it is the real me and wow it's interesting I hadn't thought about it that way until now. Also wow, gonna go blush in a corner for a bit.
And, if you want to get deeper into it, each of my suits' stories are a subset of my story. I used to think of it as me becoming that character, but I'm increasingly doubtful that it's so one-directional. When I'm in my suits, I become those characters for a while, and it goes both ways. I become them. If someone compliments a fursuited me, they are complimenting me, as I am at the time.
Don't get me wrong; any suitmaker deserves boatloads of credit for the amazing amount of work that they do and the vast amounts of joy their products bring to our lives. I just I think that it's time that I start allowing myself to accept a little more connection to what ultimately are my characters and my fursuits. I will never cease to give credit to the suitmaker. But I will cease feeling as if that compliments don't apply to me, too.
I do still think if your only interest in me is a fursuit, it's shallow. It's flattering and I enjoy it, but I'd still rather you get to know more of me. But, I think that having people start to get to know me by meeting my fursuit first will weigh on me a lot less now. To truly know me completely, you'd need to know about my fursuits, and it goes the other direction as well. What element of me first catches your eye is less important than whatever relationship, whatever potential friendship that follows. My fursuits are as good of an entrance to the real me as just about anything else.
Some credit due to fvzzball for making comments that kicked off this whole train of thought. And, if you're interested in the aforementioned insanity with the band, here's some applicable tweets:
https://twitter.com/zantalscalie/st.....53772996014080
https://twitter.com/zantalscalie/st.....02693341138944
https://twitter.com/zantalscalie/st.....51902101532673
https://twitter.com/ZantalScalie/st.....55157978775552
https://twitter.com/ZantalScalie/st.....94364456271873
For a long time, basically since day 1 of my fursuit, I've had this dissociation between my fursuit and myself, in the sense that...I didn't create my fursuit, so if someone compliments it, I never really felt true ownership of that compliment. This is one of the reasons that performance compliments- i.e. how well I portray a character and bring it to life - mean more to me; the performance of a character is something I can really take ownership of. And, in fact, if I'm wearing someone else's fursuit, that performance is really is the only part that I can truly claim as mine, and those are the only compliments that truly can be applied to me.
As I've been mulling it over, though, I think there's a lot more crossover between the fursuits I own and myself than I'd realized, or than I'd let myself believe. The thing is, those characters are my characters. I define who they are, what they should look like, and how they behave.
For a long time, I've kind of felt like knowing me by my suit was a bit shallow. But the thing is, the entirety of that fursuit's existence is wrapped up in my existence. Not only is the character mine, not only does the fursuit exist because of me, and not only are their actions my actions, but even the decision to fursuit is mine as well.
An example: a good part of why one of my favorite bands knows who I am, keeps in touch with me, etc. is that I've fursuited at some of their concerts. I've gone to their afterparties; I've gotten a lapdance from their keyboardist; I've been backstage and VIP; my fursuit is in one of their albums' interior art...it has been a crazy run, all started almost entirely because I showed up at their shows in fursuit(s). But there was this nagging thought in the back of my head, that it would have been cool for them to want to know me for the real me.
But somehow it hadn't clicked until today that that is the real me. The real me is this crazy guy who in addition to his interesting other life, loves to fursuit randomly in public and friggin loves their music and will dance the hell out of their songs and has a total blast making concerts Portland/San Francisco/Seattle a little weirder and a bit more fun.
That is the person they want to know, and it is the real me and wow it's interesting I hadn't thought about it that way until now. Also wow, gonna go blush in a corner for a bit.
And, if you want to get deeper into it, each of my suits' stories are a subset of my story. I used to think of it as me becoming that character, but I'm increasingly doubtful that it's so one-directional. When I'm in my suits, I become those characters for a while, and it goes both ways. I become them. If someone compliments a fursuited me, they are complimenting me, as I am at the time.
Don't get me wrong; any suitmaker deserves boatloads of credit for the amazing amount of work that they do and the vast amounts of joy their products bring to our lives. I just I think that it's time that I start allowing myself to accept a little more connection to what ultimately are my characters and my fursuits. I will never cease to give credit to the suitmaker. But I will cease feeling as if that compliments don't apply to me, too.
I do still think if your only interest in me is a fursuit, it's shallow. It's flattering and I enjoy it, but I'd still rather you get to know more of me. But, I think that having people start to get to know me by meeting my fursuit first will weigh on me a lot less now. To truly know me completely, you'd need to know about my fursuits, and it goes the other direction as well. What element of me first catches your eye is less important than whatever relationship, whatever potential friendship that follows. My fursuits are as good of an entrance to the real me as just about anything else.
Some credit due to fvzzball for making comments that kicked off this whole train of thought. And, if you're interested in the aforementioned insanity with the band, here's some applicable tweets:
https://twitter.com/zantalscalie/st.....53772996014080
https://twitter.com/zantalscalie/st.....02693341138944
https://twitter.com/zantalscalie/st.....51902101532673
https://twitter.com/ZantalScalie/st.....55157978775552
https://twitter.com/ZantalScalie/st.....94364456271873
Oscar Wilde said, "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." I believe fursuiters illustrate this point beautifully, as many suiters tell me that they feel the most authentic and at the most at peace with themselves when they are in suit.
You also touched on why I feel ambivalent about having a suit of a famous cartoon character. On the one hand, he gets great compliments and lots of attention, because he's familiar to people. On the other hand, there is part of me which longs to portray one of my own personal characters.
Similar to what you said, I can actually see areas where my suiting has crept into my larger life and personality, and come to inform or influence parts of it.
I describe why I have multiple characters as a sort of Prism experiment. They are all me. As I am all of them. However, I'm more out of suit than often in it. In a suit, I am refracted in a personality sense. The whole me is bent and a spectrum of myself is magnified into visibility. If you want ALL the derp pup energy; you see me in Merlot. If you want the playful, silly, quiet high energy it's Digital. My smartass, wit and naughty side comes out best in Harley etc etc.
I learn more about myself in suit and people learn parts of me in different ways. All are me as much as I am me. Just...more purified versions I would say. Hence, why I'm so excited for Scotch as he represents one of the biggest parts of my personality...
I only have the one suit, so far. For me, I don't feel like I'm acting, or playing a character. I'm just being me. Things certainly happen when I am in mine. I like to say I am still me in Zarafa, but I am me, exaggerated. Or maybe unfiltered is a better word. I really don't know. When people compliment me on my fursuit, I always credit the maker, MadeFurYou. But as you say, it isn't just the suit itself, its the person in the suit that brings it to life.
Someone, I forget who, told me that fursuiting is an art something like moviemaking. It's collaborative by nature. No one artist makes a movie-- there are scriptwriters, actors, and directors, to say the least, not to mention many others. And no one person gets the entire credit for a movie. I think it's the same with fursuiting, unless you have the amazing skills to make your own suits.
In the same way, Zarafa was my idea, but MadeFurYou made the suit into reality, based on another artist's ref sheet, that I helped create. My vision, their creation, but I bring him to life. And being him brings so much to me I sometimes can barely talk about it. Whatever it is that fursuiting does for us inside the suit, and does for those who interact with us, I am forever grateful that I have had a chance to experience the joy that it brings to me, and that I can give to others.
If you go out in suit, that is what people will notice. If you try not to ruin the magic as a rule, strangers will never get to know you any better. Fans of you as a performer may only wish to enjoy what you bring to them through that character. Others may want to get to know you, but don't know how if you're not in suit.
I very much enjoyed meeting you in the headless lounge and am forever appreciative of the compliments you gave me. Meeting other suiters on a more personal level is one of the reasons I started doing it, myself--even if I can be a little on the shy side when the head comes off.