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Happy New Year!
10 years ago
Happy New Year everybody!
A new year with new chances.
When I look back at 2014, I can't really say it was a 'good' year for me. Sure, there have been fun and good things, but it was mostly overshadowed by either stress or some sort of depression (which I beat by the way).
January and February were very stressful for me, as I was working on "Whale with a Thousand Lives" (http://stampedian.deviantart.com/ar.....edian&qo=3) and it needed to be finished in time. Thankfully, I managed all that. Plus my job was quite hectic and stressful as well.
In March I went to Whale Fest in Brighton and met up with Okura. I had a lot of fun during my stay there, it was awesome!
When I got back, I had only two weeks left until unemployment (comes with a temporary job), but I managed to find a new job just in time! :D Yay!
Due to the pending unemployment and the trip to Great Britain, I took a highly deserved break on writing.
In April and May I read my first draft of last year's NaNoWriMo-story, Call of the Sea. And let's face it: it was shit. Although my proof reader was very positive about it, and it seems that I am way too harsh for myself. I was rather down due to the disappointment of the quality of my story.
Also, in May I noticed that my job was bringing me down as well.
In June, July and August I returned the favour of my proof reader and read her book "War of the Dreamers": it was SO awesome! Plus she got me back on my feet and I started to work on the revision of Call of the Sea, but never got that far (1,5 page *blush*).
I took a closer look at my job and how it affected me. Things were getting worse. My job was boring and held no challenge for me. In fact, even an unschooled person could easily do this. And each day, I had to 'search' for more work to keep me occupied. I skipped breaks to get home as soon as possible. I tried to work as slow as possible, only to be able to keep the time I was left 'empty handed' to a minimum. Whenever I asked for more or other work, I was given even more brainless tasks than usual that would keep me occupied, or got nothing at all.
As a result, I lost my motivation and joy for all things in life. During daytime, I counted down the hours until I could go home again and fantasized about all the awesome and exciting stuff I would do when I did! Unfortunately, by the time I got home, I was already robbed of any motivation or passion and just simply sat in a chair for hours until I decided it would be better to go to sleep. This stretched out to dominate complete weekends as well.
That was the time I realized things were very wrong and needed to change real soon before I succumbed to this kind of depression. Turned out I suffered from "bore-out", the exact opposite of a burn-out.
So I decided to focus on the things that brought joy into my life and it worked. My colleagues happened to be the very light in my job and the torment that was called work was bearable once again. I literally got back into motion again.
In September I even started to visit the sport school twice a week for fitness (mind you, I hate anything that involves movement, so this is a very big step forward for me).
Unfortunately, I had to stop after only 1,5 month due to tendonitis (in other words: a lot of pain).
October was the time of preparing for NaNoWriMo. Since I'm a planner, I decided to do things differently this year: be a pantser! I had a very, very rough storyline in mind, but that was all.
Then came the horror known as November.
First, NaNoWriMo was pure hell. I managed to write down almost 20K (of 50K's goal) for my story (sequel of Call of the Sea), but don't ask how. It was very, very difficult. The remaining words needed were just either brainless prose or attempts at writing a different story. Of course, I DID reached the 50K (woohoo!!!) and was left with a few nice drafts (yay for Ecco!). Also, our writing group got a lot of new members and man, the jokes...
When my boss informed me that I (and few other colleagues) had to move to another floor, I just emotionally broke down completely. The new room was like a concrete tomb: stones everywhere. Even when I looked outside the window, I saw nothing more than more stones. No plants (no green) in the room. No one talked, no radio. Screens were placed between people, so you couldn't even see THEM! The very (and only!) light in my life had been taken from me. The joy that my colleagues brought me: all gone. I thought I was so strong (beating that bore-out), but felt so fragile instead... Like a house of cards. Shortly after, I was told my contract would not be renewed.
Learned from my past experiences of last November, I took a few days off to recharge. It backfired. Due to unforeseen health problems (not going to talk about it), things got even more stressed. In short: instead of relaxing, I ended up looking for work and completely stressing out about my health (and future).
I decided to study mindfulness. For quite some time I have the idea of integrate yoga and meditation to my personal life, but I was never able to actually do that. Habits are hard to break. Perhaps this will help me. I also want to change the way I look at things and last but not least: see what I can do about my stress handling skills.
Also, Okura's choice of music helped me through this Novembery hell. Thanks, pal! :)
December is just me catching up with life and people. Finished the short story Ghost I ended up with during NaNoWriMo. Well, the draft, that is. Visited the sport school after 2,5 months again. Felt great! Tendonitis seems to be almost gone as well.
As of today, I am unemployed. Since I haven't got a vacation (1 week sorta) last year, I'll take it easy. I want to focus more on my study and my health. Especially now that I have all the time for it. In the meantime, I'll try to find some voluntary jobs that actually ARE voluntary and are ditchable whenever I have a real (paid) job. So far that means taking the elderly (wheelchair) out for a walk. Need to take a closer look at the "Language Café", where refugees can practice our language. After all, as a writer, I know how important language is...
A new year with new chances.
When I look back at 2014, I can't really say it was a 'good' year for me. Sure, there have been fun and good things, but it was mostly overshadowed by either stress or some sort of depression (which I beat by the way).
January and February were very stressful for me, as I was working on "Whale with a Thousand Lives" (http://stampedian.deviantart.com/ar.....edian&qo=3) and it needed to be finished in time. Thankfully, I managed all that. Plus my job was quite hectic and stressful as well.
In March I went to Whale Fest in Brighton and met up with Okura. I had a lot of fun during my stay there, it was awesome!
When I got back, I had only two weeks left until unemployment (comes with a temporary job), but I managed to find a new job just in time! :D Yay!
Due to the pending unemployment and the trip to Great Britain, I took a highly deserved break on writing.
In April and May I read my first draft of last year's NaNoWriMo-story, Call of the Sea. And let's face it: it was shit. Although my proof reader was very positive about it, and it seems that I am way too harsh for myself. I was rather down due to the disappointment of the quality of my story.
Also, in May I noticed that my job was bringing me down as well.
In June, July and August I returned the favour of my proof reader and read her book "War of the Dreamers": it was SO awesome! Plus she got me back on my feet and I started to work on the revision of Call of the Sea, but never got that far (1,5 page *blush*).
I took a closer look at my job and how it affected me. Things were getting worse. My job was boring and held no challenge for me. In fact, even an unschooled person could easily do this. And each day, I had to 'search' for more work to keep me occupied. I skipped breaks to get home as soon as possible. I tried to work as slow as possible, only to be able to keep the time I was left 'empty handed' to a minimum. Whenever I asked for more or other work, I was given even more brainless tasks than usual that would keep me occupied, or got nothing at all.
As a result, I lost my motivation and joy for all things in life. During daytime, I counted down the hours until I could go home again and fantasized about all the awesome and exciting stuff I would do when I did! Unfortunately, by the time I got home, I was already robbed of any motivation or passion and just simply sat in a chair for hours until I decided it would be better to go to sleep. This stretched out to dominate complete weekends as well.
That was the time I realized things were very wrong and needed to change real soon before I succumbed to this kind of depression. Turned out I suffered from "bore-out", the exact opposite of a burn-out.
So I decided to focus on the things that brought joy into my life and it worked. My colleagues happened to be the very light in my job and the torment that was called work was bearable once again. I literally got back into motion again.
In September I even started to visit the sport school twice a week for fitness (mind you, I hate anything that involves movement, so this is a very big step forward for me).
Unfortunately, I had to stop after only 1,5 month due to tendonitis (in other words: a lot of pain).
October was the time of preparing for NaNoWriMo. Since I'm a planner, I decided to do things differently this year: be a pantser! I had a very, very rough storyline in mind, but that was all.
Then came the horror known as November.
First, NaNoWriMo was pure hell. I managed to write down almost 20K (of 50K's goal) for my story (sequel of Call of the Sea), but don't ask how. It was very, very difficult. The remaining words needed were just either brainless prose or attempts at writing a different story. Of course, I DID reached the 50K (woohoo!!!) and was left with a few nice drafts (yay for Ecco!). Also, our writing group got a lot of new members and man, the jokes...
When my boss informed me that I (and few other colleagues) had to move to another floor, I just emotionally broke down completely. The new room was like a concrete tomb: stones everywhere. Even when I looked outside the window, I saw nothing more than more stones. No plants (no green) in the room. No one talked, no radio. Screens were placed between people, so you couldn't even see THEM! The very (and only!) light in my life had been taken from me. The joy that my colleagues brought me: all gone. I thought I was so strong (beating that bore-out), but felt so fragile instead... Like a house of cards. Shortly after, I was told my contract would not be renewed.
Learned from my past experiences of last November, I took a few days off to recharge. It backfired. Due to unforeseen health problems (not going to talk about it), things got even more stressed. In short: instead of relaxing, I ended up looking for work and completely stressing out about my health (and future).
I decided to study mindfulness. For quite some time I have the idea of integrate yoga and meditation to my personal life, but I was never able to actually do that. Habits are hard to break. Perhaps this will help me. I also want to change the way I look at things and last but not least: see what I can do about my stress handling skills.
Also, Okura's choice of music helped me through this Novembery hell. Thanks, pal! :)
December is just me catching up with life and people. Finished the short story Ghost I ended up with during NaNoWriMo. Well, the draft, that is. Visited the sport school after 2,5 months again. Felt great! Tendonitis seems to be almost gone as well.
As of today, I am unemployed. Since I haven't got a vacation (1 week sorta) last year, I'll take it easy. I want to focus more on my study and my health. Especially now that I have all the time for it. In the meantime, I'll try to find some voluntary jobs that actually ARE voluntary and are ditchable whenever I have a real (paid) job. So far that means taking the elderly (wheelchair) out for a walk. Need to take a closer look at the "Language Café", where refugees can practice our language. After all, as a writer, I know how important language is...
