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I just.. I don't know what to do.
10 years ago
this journal contains.. feelings.. be warned.
It feels like everyday the world is just passing me by and I never know what to do with myself.
I thought that getting a job would make me happy, but I feel more alone than ever. I don't have any friends I can just sit down and talk to face to face. I don't have any sort of goal or dream in mind for the future. I don't know what to do with myself and each day I feel like I am sinking further in a hole that I am not sure I will be able to climb out of.
Even my creative side has been suffering from this.
when I first start writing on Deviant art I felt happy. for the first time I felt like I belonged because I had a purpose. I could spin stories that people genuinely enjoyed and looked forward to the next installment, but now... I am not even sure what I can do.
I feel like my stories are vain and cliché... that I just write them for the sake of attention.
I cant think of a single story idea that I have had that wasn't already done, wasn't considered fan fiction or using some characters that were not mine.
when am I going to come up with my own story. something that makes me happy just for having written it.. something I can say it absolutely mine.. something that isn't horribly cliché and overdone that it makes me feel sick.
when will that day come? will it even come for me? because it seems like I am always surrounded by people who can take what I want to do and not only achieve it but go beyond it and create something I couldn't do in my wildest dreams.
I don't know... maybe I am just destined to live a painfully mundane life.. never being able to reach what I desire
It feels like everyday the world is just passing me by and I never know what to do with myself.
I thought that getting a job would make me happy, but I feel more alone than ever. I don't have any friends I can just sit down and talk to face to face. I don't have any sort of goal or dream in mind for the future. I don't know what to do with myself and each day I feel like I am sinking further in a hole that I am not sure I will be able to climb out of.
Even my creative side has been suffering from this.
when I first start writing on Deviant art I felt happy. for the first time I felt like I belonged because I had a purpose. I could spin stories that people genuinely enjoyed and looked forward to the next installment, but now... I am not even sure what I can do.
I feel like my stories are vain and cliché... that I just write them for the sake of attention.
I cant think of a single story idea that I have had that wasn't already done, wasn't considered fan fiction or using some characters that were not mine.
when am I going to come up with my own story. something that makes me happy just for having written it.. something I can say it absolutely mine.. something that isn't horribly cliché and overdone that it makes me feel sick.
when will that day come? will it even come for me? because it seems like I am always surrounded by people who can take what I want to do and not only achieve it but go beyond it and create something I couldn't do in my wildest dreams.
I don't know... maybe I am just destined to live a painfully mundane life.. never being able to reach what I desire
As far as what you have accomplished: Holding down a job is a great accomplishment on its own. You have come a long way from when I first met you and I remember you telling me that you did not think that it was possible to get a job. Well, you've done this and if you could do this, you can do anything that you put your mind to...I know you can and believe in you. Always try to keep your head up wolfy bro *hugs*
I just wish I had that type of confidence in myself