So as I said in my last journal, I am not really one for doing these things all the time. But I am sitting up at 5:45am and trying to process everything that has gone on today.

If you read my last journal you saw that my mom has been in the hospital since xmas eve. And the sad part of it is she was doing so much better all of a sudden. And then I ended up getting the call that rocked my world and put up at this hour typing this up to just try and work through my feelings and get things out.

At 5:30pm tonight my mom flat lined and coded. I lost her. For those that have never lost a parent let me tell you, it is the worst experience in the world. Especially if you are the one that has to make the decision to stop everything. I made the hardest decision in my life tonight to do that and I don't wish that on anyone.

My mom and I didn't always get along but she was my best friend. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. She was my go to for all things. And now thats gone and I am left picking up the pieces and trying to figure everything out. I will admit in the process I am learning my mom was a pack rat and kept every sort of paper with her name on it.

The only good thing out of this so far is I now have two of the best angel's in heaven watching over me. My mom and my dad. RIP Mom you are missed dearly