You see depression posts several times a day. I know it gets old. I skip over these myself unless it's someone I am deeply concerned for. But if I have somehow caught your attention I'd like to spill out my heart.

I don't cry anymore. Well I haven't cried hard in a good while since I came to colorado. The last big cry I had was with the death of Toby. Well I'm facing financial issues that are driving me to put tears on my pillow during sleepless wee hours such as these.

I can't rely on myself for commissions. I'm just not good enough yet. Can't make fursuits for other's for the same reason.

I work with office depot. Unless you are desperate like me don't work there. It's minimum with very few part time hours. Only if you work in awful pay conditions with no benefits at all and so few hours (13 hours right now for me) until the time you get promoted to a manager which could be years. Many other companies follow the same practices. It's making finding a living wage job extremely hard. I have been abusing my mate to take care of me so I don't live on the streets again. It has been years since I've wanted to kill myself, but this time it's for very different reasons. This time it's not to escape the torment of family. This time it's to lift a burden off the ones I care for the most. I have no job skill sets that are living wage worth in this country. I flunked out of high school and can't go to uni. I'm losing faith in the world. There is no place without extreme flaws to their government. The only thing I wish is for my mate's freedom to fulfill his dream. I'm done nothing but hold him back.

I only wish I could be paid to fursuit... it's the only thing I might be ok at.