Hm... I can offer advice myself when I have time, so... yeah. I'll keep this in mind.

Only read it if you have the time! Thanks for the interest! *hugs*

I did a Roman Historical Furry series once too http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3252573/

Wow! I'll have to check it out :D

Hmmm, I'm really liking the story!! I will be paying close attention to this one!
And I'll give any suggestions I may have!

Thanks so much!! I'm glad you like it!

I saw your comment there - I didn't know it would inject the comment directly into the document. That space is actually meant for me and  snuff_ursus since I am sort of "co-writing" it with him. More like, I am writing and he's heavily suggesting since the grey bear character belongs to him lol

Anyway, just go ahead and let me know of any suggestions or comments on here :P

Oh snap! my apologies man! For some reason I got slightly confused by the notes and thought we could comment in the document. I am sorry and wont mark in there anymore.

But I am looking forward to reading the rest of the story!

No, it's okay! Don't worry about it man! It's my fault really. I had no idea that the comments would actually appear in the document - I thought they'd come up on the side or in a drop down menu.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story anyway! Anything else to say about it? :3

Yeah, google drive is an awesomely versatile tool... but it can also leave your stuff editable unless you explicitly tell it to be protected.

Well, I'm not sure. I'm enjoying the story. I see why you started like you did, you wanted an attention grabber to immediately tell the audience where you're at and what's going on at the time period of the story. You also brought dark elements such as condoned murder. But in subsequent chapters I like how you are writing the characters very naturally. What they say and do is explained very naturally and it helps to connect with the characters very quickly. The 'touch' of sensuality is also very alluring. But it was not much, not so much to distract from getting to know the characters first.

The only thing is how staccato the chapters feel from each other (if that makes sense). They are so far very disconnected from each other. We are able to draw enough information to determine that the focus characters of each chapter are indeed the same people. Yet we don't know how they got there from they previous. But, I don't think it's bad yet.... It still is very early in the story and I'm sure you're doing it for a reason and all will be made clear in following chapters. If so, then it is actually a cool style, passing along the bewilderment of the characters to readers as well. Very cool!

I actually haven't decided what "year(s)" the story takes place in. If each chapter had a date at the start, it would become much more obvious as to what is happening. The newest chapter in the jail is actually a flash back to when Darius and Balthaar first met. After the jail scene, I planned to write at least two more chapters of the "present time" (which is the first chapter, at the pond). Then later, I would come back to revisit the flashback. As for the prologue, it's supposed to grab attention, yes. But it's also supposed to be in the future - something that will be revisited somewhere about 3/4 through the story.

You really think the character development is good? That's what I've struggled with most in the past. Now I'm trying to add the detail and the char dev at the same time. I hope it's working!

Side note - I'd still like to get a picture done with your 'sona sometime!

I'll have to give it a good look later if you'd like me to suggest something, but I really enjoyed it! It's so refreshing to see such a well-detailed historical story on FA X3

I'm glad you enjoyed it so far! Yes, if you have any other comments, let me know!

Still working on it?

I wish I was... it's just... delayed right now. I really do wanna finish it! I just need to find the time.

Oh I know the feel.