FA+
Shop
Relationships: Love? (TMI? Long Post)
11 years ago
General
Feel free to disregard this as I'm really only writing so I can settle my thoughts a bit.
I may be considered a jackass for saying this but can I not be in a relationship anymore? I can't stand it, I don't know if its the person i'm with (yes probably) or something in my head but I am just so done with this whole "love" thing.
It's not my place, I don't mean to say this in a sad way, but I don't have the compassion for a romantic lifestyle anymore. I no longer desire any form of sex with another person, I only really enjoy pleasing myself, and to be honest I feel safer that way. I see other people getting all upset over not being in love and I just fail to understand the need to be that dependent on another's affection.
Maybe it's just that I've become cynical and un-trusting but I'd rather focus my energy on something more productive and practical.
I enjoy peoples company, and sometimes I find intimacy appealing but no further then basic friendly intimacy.
*sighs* I'm unsure about a lot of things in my life, I feel less educated then I should feel and it frustrates things, I ramble too much and hide behind the small bit of logic I have been able to retain...
Another thing, why must people cling so even after the obvious rejection has happened? The one I am with now is not as foolish as most take him for, I know he isnt, so why is it when I flat out mention that I hate being in a relationship he changes the subject like I said nothing at all? Why dose he feel like I'm such a good thing to him when in all honesty I bring nothing to this relationship, I cold, I never pay for anything and am quick to reject gifts of any kind... I've even gone out of my way to be cruel to him at times as much as I hate to admit, and yet he still clings to me?
I'm sorry if anyone who reads this is jealous of me for whatever reason, but I honestly feel uncomfortable in a practically one sided relationship at this point in time.
I may be considered a jackass for saying this but can I not be in a relationship anymore? I can't stand it, I don't know if its the person i'm with (yes probably) or something in my head but I am just so done with this whole "love" thing.
It's not my place, I don't mean to say this in a sad way, but I don't have the compassion for a romantic lifestyle anymore. I no longer desire any form of sex with another person, I only really enjoy pleasing myself, and to be honest I feel safer that way. I see other people getting all upset over not being in love and I just fail to understand the need to be that dependent on another's affection.
Maybe it's just that I've become cynical and un-trusting but I'd rather focus my energy on something more productive and practical.
I enjoy peoples company, and sometimes I find intimacy appealing but no further then basic friendly intimacy.
*sighs* I'm unsure about a lot of things in my life, I feel less educated then I should feel and it frustrates things, I ramble too much and hide behind the small bit of logic I have been able to retain...
Another thing, why must people cling so even after the obvious rejection has happened? The one I am with now is not as foolish as most take him for, I know he isnt, so why is it when I flat out mention that I hate being in a relationship he changes the subject like I said nothing at all? Why dose he feel like I'm such a good thing to him when in all honesty I bring nothing to this relationship, I cold, I never pay for anything and am quick to reject gifts of any kind... I've even gone out of my way to be cruel to him at times as much as I hate to admit, and yet he still clings to me?
I'm sorry if anyone who reads this is jealous of me for whatever reason, but I honestly feel uncomfortable in a practically one sided relationship at this point in time.
What I want to say, is that the individual should first please himself, he should first accomplish himself before he would seek the companionship of another. In a nutshell, I want to express my respect for the choice you have made, in pursuing solitude and focusing on your dreams, passions, careers, and interests. I can only suggest you to be certain that the choices you make in life, are choices made by you, yourself, uninfluenced by others and that those are choices that will make you happy. Happiness should be the strive of ours. We must all do whatever it takes to find comfort.
And I empathize with you here. I profess the value of solitude. I personally find myself a solitudinarian, whose own ego is the sole intimate companion. I might be colder than a serpent's blood, pragmatic, Machiavellian but truthfully, I personally find someone's intimate companionship to be an obstacle, an anchor that stalls you from following your dreams.
What I want to say is, I understand you totally. And I hope that the choice you have made will make you happy and content, unless it has already done so. It is a much wiser choice to separate a relationship and allow the partners to seek happiness individually than force the relationship and risk festering the partners from within.
But yes. Focus on making yourself happy, on following your dreams and passions. Relationships will eventually, inevitably, come as side rewards... provided you will, at one point, want to accept such rewards.
I only hope that both you, and this other person, will each pave the road that fits each of you best.