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Here I am again... (UPDATE)
11 years ago
Here I am again, empty handed... I'm really sorry you guys.
I don't know who really reads my journals, but for whoever cares enough to I'm gonna put this here.
I know I keep telling you guys that I'm gonna try and catch up on the stuff I owe and that I'll get stuff posted and things...
But to be completely and totally honest with you, I don't think that this is gonna happen at this point...
I'm honestly reaching a point where I just can't anymore. No matter what I seem to do lately it blows up in my face.
I try to draw and it keeps coming out like shit, which is why I haven't been able to post a single picture in a while...
And I really don't know if it looks like shit because it really does or if its because I'm just in such a bad place mentally.
I just... I don't know how to explain what's been going on in my head... There's just so much going on...
Honestly trying to type this out I'm on the verge of tears...
I don't know if any of you have ever reached a point where you're so tired that you can't seem to do anything.
But you're so stressed that you feel like you have to do something...
So you end up in the cycle of not being able to sleep but not being motivated to really do anything...
Yeah. That's where I'm at.
I would try to explain what's going on, but I don't even really know if any of you want to know...
I'm not gonna put my shit out there if no one wants to hear it, you know? Why waste my breath...
Anyways... The general gist of this is don't expect anything from me anytime soon, cause I have no clue when I'll get out of this rut as of right now...
If you want to talk to me about things and you don't have a means to talk to me outside of FA, feel free to shoot me a note or a comment...
If I feel like it I'll pass you my information so you can contact me a way that's more reliable cause this isn't.
And just because I don't give you my info, or I don't wanna talk about what's going on with me doesn't mean I don't wanna talk.
It only means that I just don't feel like I can trust you yet or I don't want to put all of my issues on you. Cause I don't like doing that to people.
I don't know, I guess I'm just weird like that.
Anyways...
Thank you guys for your love and support all this time, even though I really don't feel like I deserve it, especially right now.
I wish you all the best and I hope things are going better for you. And I'll talk to you all another time.
~Mika <3
I don't know who really reads my journals, but for whoever cares enough to I'm gonna put this here.
I know I keep telling you guys that I'm gonna try and catch up on the stuff I owe and that I'll get stuff posted and things...
But to be completely and totally honest with you, I don't think that this is gonna happen at this point...
I'm honestly reaching a point where I just can't anymore. No matter what I seem to do lately it blows up in my face.
I try to draw and it keeps coming out like shit, which is why I haven't been able to post a single picture in a while...
And I really don't know if it looks like shit because it really does or if its because I'm just in such a bad place mentally.
I just... I don't know how to explain what's been going on in my head... There's just so much going on...
Honestly trying to type this out I'm on the verge of tears...
I don't know if any of you have ever reached a point where you're so tired that you can't seem to do anything.
But you're so stressed that you feel like you have to do something...
So you end up in the cycle of not being able to sleep but not being motivated to really do anything...
Yeah. That's where I'm at.
I would try to explain what's going on, but I don't even really know if any of you want to know...
I'm not gonna put my shit out there if no one wants to hear it, you know? Why waste my breath...
Anyways... The general gist of this is don't expect anything from me anytime soon, cause I have no clue when I'll get out of this rut as of right now...
If you want to talk to me about things and you don't have a means to talk to me outside of FA, feel free to shoot me a note or a comment...
If I feel like it I'll pass you my information so you can contact me a way that's more reliable cause this isn't.
And just because I don't give you my info, or I don't wanna talk about what's going on with me doesn't mean I don't wanna talk.
It only means that I just don't feel like I can trust you yet or I don't want to put all of my issues on you. Cause I don't like doing that to people.
I don't know, I guess I'm just weird like that.
Anyways...
Thank you guys for your love and support all this time, even though I really don't feel like I deserve it, especially right now.
I wish you all the best and I hope things are going better for you. And I'll talk to you all another time.
~Mika <3
I will when I can... I'm on campus right now and wont be home till after 8 probably...
If I don't message you its probably cause I passed out once I got there and just didn't get a chance.
But I'll try to message you when i get home if I don't pass out first. It has been kinda rough but I'm not sure if i'll be up to talking about it any time soon.
Try drawing things for yourself and see how you feel about drawing...before you take on things for anyone else.
I'm gonna try and do that, a big issue lately has been finding time for art at all that isn't little doodles in a notebook because there's just so much going on that I can't seem to be able to get more than that done. When I have free time to draw I'm exhausted and when Im not exhausted Ive got so many other things needing my attention that I feel like I'm screwed out of time for myself in that aspect...
I don't know... I guess this is one of those moments where I need to find a way to sit and figure out my priorities and my schedule better but since there's so much going on and I'm so overwhelmed I can't really even find the time to fix this. You know what I mean?
I hope things get easier for you soon! *hugs*