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Depression
11 years ago
General
Anybody have any tricks to make it through this bog?
I feel like I would have found them by now, but alas I have not.
I really struggle with extreme depression, and have since I was a child, I have constant suicidal thoughts. Please do not worry about that though, I have had them forever, and I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere. But it's so frustrating to deal with when you hate yourself that much it makes every moment the hardest struggle to get through.
Just doing anything,
'I should eat' 'no you shouldn't you fat piece of shit, you should kill yourself'
'I should draw' 'no you fail at that and have no creative ideas, you should kill yourself'
'I should go outside' 'no don't show your face you disgusting pig, you should kill yourself'
'I should sleep' 'you're useless, you should kill yourself'
It makes it really hard to get anything done, and I just want to shut my stupid thoughts up, but have no idea how to. Again they've been going on forever, I'm just so sick of it.
I've tried, and continue to practice, healthy eating, and working out, as well as meditation
I've tried whatever you call it, positive thinking therapy I guess? Like whenever you have a hateful thought turn it into something positive. It's supposed to eventually replace the negative, but it hasn't worked for me.
I also tried another thing I read about where basically you think of yourself as an outside perspective, instead of it being my own voice telling me these horrible things, think of it as someone else, and ignore them. And that actually sort of worked for about 6 months, but I was a zombie, I didn't get anything accomplished and didn't feel anything.
It really sucks hating yourself this much, but always being stuck with yourself
I am very sorry if you don't want to hear any of this, I don't want to be a burden or whine to you guys.
If you have any tips or tricks or anything though I would love to hear them.
Also if you're struggling with anything or ever want someone to talk to I'm always available.
Much love,
Tina/Talon/Carbon/Dragonnis
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I feel like I would have found them by now, but alas I have not.
I really struggle with extreme depression, and have since I was a child, I have constant suicidal thoughts. Please do not worry about that though, I have had them forever, and I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere. But it's so frustrating to deal with when you hate yourself that much it makes every moment the hardest struggle to get through.
Just doing anything,
'I should eat' 'no you shouldn't you fat piece of shit, you should kill yourself'
'I should draw' 'no you fail at that and have no creative ideas, you should kill yourself'
'I should go outside' 'no don't show your face you disgusting pig, you should kill yourself'
'I should sleep' 'you're useless, you should kill yourself'
It makes it really hard to get anything done, and I just want to shut my stupid thoughts up, but have no idea how to. Again they've been going on forever, I'm just so sick of it.
I've tried, and continue to practice, healthy eating, and working out, as well as meditation
I've tried whatever you call it, positive thinking therapy I guess? Like whenever you have a hateful thought turn it into something positive. It's supposed to eventually replace the negative, but it hasn't worked for me.
I also tried another thing I read about where basically you think of yourself as an outside perspective, instead of it being my own voice telling me these horrible things, think of it as someone else, and ignore them. And that actually sort of worked for about 6 months, but I was a zombie, I didn't get anything accomplished and didn't feel anything.
It really sucks hating yourself this much, but always being stuck with yourself
I am very sorry if you don't want to hear any of this, I don't want to be a burden or whine to you guys.
If you have any tips or tricks or anything though I would love to hear them.
Also if you're struggling with anything or ever want someone to talk to I'm always available.
Much love,
Tina/Talon/Carbon/Dragonnis
Queue
Aokuang - Painted Badge - SKETCHED
Stray - Full - SKETCHED
Voltekaru - Simple Color
Blood Hydra - Simple Color
Valthonis - Simple Badge
Jethro - Simple Color
Miles A Blackwolf - Simple Color
Bomber Panda - Simple Color
Mick - Simple Color
Vixmuyo - Simple Color
Waitlist
Haia - Mass sketches
LearningFanguages
If you don't see yourself on this list please shoot me an email!!!
I can't tell you much more, since I only know you as an artist here and we never spoke to each other.
But I think it's also a good thing that you can speak about your problem. YOu know what the problem is.
Maybe it's not a bad thing to hang out with friends or family. Or really simply be lazy. Take time for yourself and think, 'Fuck off world, that's my time now.' :)
How about you do some personal art, showing you tearing that voice into bits or something like that? As a symbol to kill this evil voice :)
And yeah it sure seems like a strange evolution, like if it's some kind of defense mechanism I don't understand it, or it's just a side effect of 'higher' consciousness
- Surround yourself with supportive, motivated people who have a similar moral compass. Its much easier to get things done when you work in a community of friends and everyone is spreading around positive energy.
- Be kind to yourself. Be compassionate to others. Sometimes the best way to make yourself happy is through the satisfaction you receive when you make someone you care about smile.
- Try to keep a schedule. Plan out what you want to do, and try and create time slots for things and stick to them. Making a checklist can be helpful as it can provide a visual of your progress.
- Don't be afraid to think of yourself first. If you're dealing with a bad slump and someone asks something of you, don't feel pressured to follow through and overexert yourself. Just try talking to them. If they have your best interests at heart they would rather you get yourself to a better mental state first before worrying about others.
And lastly
Always keep looking up. Things get better. I promise. Take it a day at a time.
You are loved by so many people.
Never forget that.
I have always been extremely blessed with the people that love me, I could never forget them, it's my pesky self that makes this so difficult.
Keeping a schedule is slightly difficult working 50 hours a week at a conventional job, and then doing commissions with any spare time, but I will try! I need to set some time aside for other things.
That's one thing I need to work on for sure is keeping in touch with people though, whenever I go through these bouts I end up withdrawing from the rest of the world, it's a struggle to stay involved, but I will work on it for sure.
Hope you are well, and thank you so much for sharing.
Fair winds.
I can also give you perspective from someone who's brother committed suicide at 19 years of age just six months ago. Whatever your thoughts are telling you, no matter how bad it gets, never listen to those voices. Suicide absolutely destroys a family - it completely destroyed mine. My parents will never be the same, nor will I. My brother was in a dark place and we never knew it - he never spoke to us, never told his friends - never said anything. He just jumped off the roof of a hotel building in midtown Manhattan and we are left to pick up the pieces. It has been a daily struggle that is worse than any depression that I can describe. It is absolutely devastating to lose a loved one to suicide.
You are loved. Please reach out if you need help. There IS help for you.
one of my best friends did the same, I know that's not the same as a brother though, but it didn't mean it hasn't been a constant destruction to my life and others. I can only hope her choice was right for her, but it has left a deep toll on the rest of us. I also have had a lot of friends who's fathers have committed suicide, there's no words to describe what it does.
But as I said, I won't. I have struggled with these thoughts constantly since I was 10 years old (at least), and as much as I absolutely loathe myself I'm not going anywhere. I just really want these thoughts to shut up, I want to enjoy life for once, maybe... like myself somehow.
I am so sorry to hear, much love to you and your family, and thank you for sharing. I would do anything I can to help and support you guys.
The first and probably biggest is getting out of the house. It doesn't matter where you go, just get out. Whether you're at a friends place, out for a stroll, or out to a furry convention, getting out of your usual element will help bring in new thoughts, refresh the mind and give you a footing to unbury yourself.
The second thing was more difficult, but helped a lot. Stop thinking. It's not easy, but when you get those "I should do XX" thoughts, just do them. Don't think, don't hesitate, just when they spontaneously pop up, get to them immediately. If that means putting aside some time with loved ones to go clean the dishes, it's worth it. It segways into another point in that your surrounding will affect your mood. If your place is a mess, it'll only drag you deeper. While cleaning it up wont solve the issues, it will help not bring you further now.
And then what had been said before on the topic of short goals. Something small, something easy to obtain. For me, once I sent out the next resume, the rest came faster and faster and faster. You realize you can do it, and it makes it easier to do it again afterwards.
You're already taking some of the best steps. Admitting and wanting to break free. You've got a lot of support here hun. If there's anything we can do, just ask. :)
Like I seriously can't think of one thing I like any more and this isn't some sudden realization I've been trying to for years to find something I like or want for myself, there's nothing.
As for telling the voices I'm going to do x anyways, I definitely do that, I would never accomplish anything if I didn't. I hear it no matter what I do, if I decide to stay in or if I decide to go to the park. As for cleaning I definitely feel you I always feel worse if the dishes are gross but I do take care of them, another problem though is cleaning is some of worst thinking. Like the chore is so mindless and easy and it's a solitary act to all I get to do is listen to myself and that's the worst punishment.
Going outside is another monster, I know that it helps but you've been up here in the winter it's freezing and there's nothing to do and no where to go. I take vitamin d to try to supplement but does little good.
Thank you for the feedback though I will take it all into consideration, and it was great seeing you at MFF! I hope you are well
Me: i want food
Brain: no you suck go die
Me: lolfuckyou imma eat this cookie
the BEST
AT EVERYTHING
They just look at me all "hi mom I love you" and then I'm all "HNNNNNNN I LOVE YOU TOO BIG CUTIE WIT DA BOOTY" <3
To hate yourself is definitely not the best method. You should more say: "Hey, voices in my head, unfortunately I don't like what you say to me and you get on my nerves, so I'll ignore you and now good bye." That's surely more difficult then it sounds, but hatred is never a good alternative. Just never give up and I'm glad to hear you don't want to. That's better then nothing to find a good method against your depressions.
But yeah i definitely have no desire to give up I just hope someday I can begin to get any little spec of self worth that would be great.
Thank you for having an open ear, it means the world to me. Much love, and I hope you are well.
You are very friendly and you have a good attitude, I think you afford way more self worth, Dragonnis.
You're always welcome and if you feel like, you can always contact me. I like to help, if I can.
I'm aware it's a pointless question for which the answer is always "no", but if you need anything, just ring.
I'm not in grad school yet. I decided to take a year off since apply to grad school and working on my senior project was much, much, much too stressful. I just got all my applications in a month ago, so I'm just waiting to hear back. :P
I really hope you'll be okay. I have no idea what I can do to offer any help, I mean I can offer cyber hugs and send love your way. I wish I could do more for you.
Its basically a type of meditation stripped down to the bare minimum, no religious elements involved what so ever.
it helped me out of a slump. it soothes the mind and gives the negative thoughts a rest. It does not make you repress or hold things back, quite the opposite, it makes your mind deal with inner thoughts, breaking the vicious cycle of general negativity.
-Eat a Banana (http://www.livestrong.com/article/164617-bananas-depression/ science somewhat behind it)
-Exercise, helps with endorphins, and generally just makes you feel more limber, better, getting blood pumping.
-Stay Hydrated. Neurons have trouble connecting when you're dehydrated
- Get outside, sunlight, Vitamin D? Easier usually in summer and stuff to soak in when you aren't freezing and covering up.
-Perhaps listen to motivational quotes, inspirational stuff online. (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_inspirational.html )
Also hugs, talking with people who love and appreciate you helps a little :)
<3 *hug*
I think I'm far too bitter of a person to let inspirational quotes help me, they usually end up making me feel worse because I'm evil and vindictive.
Either way I suppose never gonna stop trying, would be cool to have even a shred of self worth
Thanks for the feed back though definitely important stuff to keep in mind, and I hope you are well
I hope you feel better sorry if my help is a bit stale.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I hope you find something so you can be happier and be the real YOU.
And thank you for the support, I know I need to reach out to find help hopefully someday I'll find it and be able to find some shred of self esteem
You're loved and have many people in your life who care enough to be with you while you're going through this.
I'll be cheering you on from afar.