FA+
Shop
Let's Have An Honest Discussion About Suicide
11 years ago
This is a sensitive topic to touch on. Let's be real, no one likes to talk about it. It's uncomfortable, it's saddening, and we prefer not to think about it as an epidemic, which it is. People with suicidal thoughts and intentions, they don't always show the signs the general public thinks they're going to show. Suicides come unexpected at times. I have to confess, it is hard for me to write this because for a long period of time I was suicidal myself, and so were most of my friends looking back.
A little of my own story. Simply put, high school as you all know was a really dark period in my life. I was completely lost and depressed all the time, and around this time I had taken up drinking. Most of you know this story, but I want to describe in my own personal experience what I felt when I was suicidal. I felt emotional pain, but it wasn't just about how bad the pain was, it was about the fact that it wouldn't go away. It was there following me everywhere like a ghost tormenting me. I couldn't run anywhere. I would be in bed crying when no one was looking or listening and just feel like the pain won't go away. Drinking was the only thing that remotely alleviated it, as it made my mind wander out of control. When the pain doesn't go away like that, it makes suicide a very attractive avenue to make it go away for good. It was my grandfather who reached out to me, but he didn't force me in, rather he sort of naturally invited me in with his humor and silliness that characterizes him, and he did what no one else did: He created a safe space for me to talk about the things I was bottling in, and I began pouring out everything weighing on my heart, which I didn't realize was so much until I was actually letting it out. After that point I still had another horrible dip around 6 years ago (4 years after my first low point) and everything started to come back, and that's when I was helped again, and this time in a way that brought me stronger healing.
I think the most basic thing we can do for people who are depressed, anxious, and have thoughts of suicide is create safe spaces for them to be able to express their feelings and really have an honest discussion. What we do in this society is view people who are depressed or anxious or suicidal as emotionally "weak" and we shame them for it. I always felt too ashamed to tell people I was in pain. I was always feeling like I was rude or awful or selfish for wanting to tell people how I was feeling and bringing down their moods. There was never a time when I felt I could say how I was actually feeling and I kept it all inside. This is what so many people who are suicidal are forced to do, because we are not creating the safe spaces for them. We are not even allowed to speak of even our lightest depression.
Looking back, I am amazed I never talked about suicide with any of my friends, and I'm in shock now realizing how many of them were suicidal. Suicide is an epidemic among American Indian youth and I was remarkably close to being another number in that statistic. But none of my friends talked about it until only recently. I can't believe almost every single one of my friends who are Indians all tried suicide at one point including myself. Now I am more open and I confess to people, even today I have suicidal thoughts from time to time, but now I know how to cope with them much better to the point where I never come close to any attempt anymore. I also have an abundance of safe spaces around me. But it's killing our youth and no one is talking about it, yet so few seem concerned at all. I want to continue trying to help those who think there is no way out in my community, because I felt that way, I felt there was no way out and others reached out to me. A lot of it is due to the historical and present trauma that almost all our families face. It's inescapable that we feel like foreigners in our own country and our heartbreak is literally killing us.
Suicide is also high among LGBT youth, often times feeling they are not loved or sometimes being rejected by their families and turned away in the most brutal and heartbreaking ways. Also, suicide is high among veterans, who are often forgotten by society, and often have no one to talk to who understands that they can not undo the dynamics of the other world they went out and faced that regular citizens don't see.
What can you do? Be sure to let your friends know that you can provide that safe space, that there is somewhere they can turn to when they feel really distraught. Ask them to trust you. DO NOT say things like "It'll get better", "Don't just think about yourself", "It's not forever." Because suicidal people already do not believe this and you will likely be the 100th person to tell them this. Instead, try to be a listening ear and ask them to trust that you are going to do your best to be at their side and commit to it. Find a way to bring humor into your conversations, constantly. Sometimes all we need is to have someone to hear us out, that's what my grandfather was for me. In my culture, laughter is a form of traditional medicine. It is! I am not saying that to be funny. My grandfather's safe space of humor and good vibes, along with some work of my own got me through to the other side.
If you have the time, volunteer somewhere. You don't know how many lives you will save by doing the most simple of things. Here are some resources for suicide prevention, detailing some of the methods that have high success rates among the people they reach out to.
Evidence Based Suicide Prevention Programs:
http://www.sprc.org/bpr/section-i-e.....based-programs
National Suicide Prevention:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
24/7 Direct Number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255
If anyone wants to link any other resources to add to the journal link them below!
If you have thoughts of suicide, you're not alone, and people are here for you, waiting to love you!
A little of my own story. Simply put, high school as you all know was a really dark period in my life. I was completely lost and depressed all the time, and around this time I had taken up drinking. Most of you know this story, but I want to describe in my own personal experience what I felt when I was suicidal. I felt emotional pain, but it wasn't just about how bad the pain was, it was about the fact that it wouldn't go away. It was there following me everywhere like a ghost tormenting me. I couldn't run anywhere. I would be in bed crying when no one was looking or listening and just feel like the pain won't go away. Drinking was the only thing that remotely alleviated it, as it made my mind wander out of control. When the pain doesn't go away like that, it makes suicide a very attractive avenue to make it go away for good. It was my grandfather who reached out to me, but he didn't force me in, rather he sort of naturally invited me in with his humor and silliness that characterizes him, and he did what no one else did: He created a safe space for me to talk about the things I was bottling in, and I began pouring out everything weighing on my heart, which I didn't realize was so much until I was actually letting it out. After that point I still had another horrible dip around 6 years ago (4 years after my first low point) and everything started to come back, and that's when I was helped again, and this time in a way that brought me stronger healing.
I think the most basic thing we can do for people who are depressed, anxious, and have thoughts of suicide is create safe spaces for them to be able to express their feelings and really have an honest discussion. What we do in this society is view people who are depressed or anxious or suicidal as emotionally "weak" and we shame them for it. I always felt too ashamed to tell people I was in pain. I was always feeling like I was rude or awful or selfish for wanting to tell people how I was feeling and bringing down their moods. There was never a time when I felt I could say how I was actually feeling and I kept it all inside. This is what so many people who are suicidal are forced to do, because we are not creating the safe spaces for them. We are not even allowed to speak of even our lightest depression.
Looking back, I am amazed I never talked about suicide with any of my friends, and I'm in shock now realizing how many of them were suicidal. Suicide is an epidemic among American Indian youth and I was remarkably close to being another number in that statistic. But none of my friends talked about it until only recently. I can't believe almost every single one of my friends who are Indians all tried suicide at one point including myself. Now I am more open and I confess to people, even today I have suicidal thoughts from time to time, but now I know how to cope with them much better to the point where I never come close to any attempt anymore. I also have an abundance of safe spaces around me. But it's killing our youth and no one is talking about it, yet so few seem concerned at all. I want to continue trying to help those who think there is no way out in my community, because I felt that way, I felt there was no way out and others reached out to me. A lot of it is due to the historical and present trauma that almost all our families face. It's inescapable that we feel like foreigners in our own country and our heartbreak is literally killing us.
Suicide is also high among LGBT youth, often times feeling they are not loved or sometimes being rejected by their families and turned away in the most brutal and heartbreaking ways. Also, suicide is high among veterans, who are often forgotten by society, and often have no one to talk to who understands that they can not undo the dynamics of the other world they went out and faced that regular citizens don't see.
What can you do? Be sure to let your friends know that you can provide that safe space, that there is somewhere they can turn to when they feel really distraught. Ask them to trust you. DO NOT say things like "It'll get better", "Don't just think about yourself", "It's not forever." Because suicidal people already do not believe this and you will likely be the 100th person to tell them this. Instead, try to be a listening ear and ask them to trust that you are going to do your best to be at their side and commit to it. Find a way to bring humor into your conversations, constantly. Sometimes all we need is to have someone to hear us out, that's what my grandfather was for me. In my culture, laughter is a form of traditional medicine. It is! I am not saying that to be funny. My grandfather's safe space of humor and good vibes, along with some work of my own got me through to the other side.
If you have the time, volunteer somewhere. You don't know how many lives you will save by doing the most simple of things. Here are some resources for suicide prevention, detailing some of the methods that have high success rates among the people they reach out to.
Evidence Based Suicide Prevention Programs:
http://www.sprc.org/bpr/section-i-e.....based-programs
National Suicide Prevention:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
24/7 Direct Number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255
If anyone wants to link any other resources to add to the journal link them below!
If you have thoughts of suicide, you're not alone, and people are here for you, waiting to love you!
This is great information to take in and to keep in mind.
Worst of all, the people who don't know how you feel will often refuse to admit that they don't know how you feel. They try to pretend they know what it's like and only make it worse.
Also, for me the pain wasn't so bad as the fact that I was also getting seriously anhedonic. I couldn't take pleasure in anything and after it got to the point where drinking only turned those suicidal feelings outward in a dangerous way, I had to stop.