Not just any dog, my first dog. I might not have had her since she was a puppy, or even when she was young but she'll always be my dog. I don't care that she was my brother's dog first, I don't care that she didn't always listen. She spent her life, serving me. Being there for me. She might not had been born into my life, but that mutt was best damn ol' dog I could ever have.

She may have had trouble walking, and fell down a lot and smelled really bad but she'll always be my girl. I learned so much from her from the short time I had her. They say that old dogs cant learn new tricks; That ol' dog learned hand signals and tricks my brother never taught her, she inspired me to learn more when I wasn't capable of following my dreams yet. She was the reason I learned and then did deliver puppies and that knowledge later helped me deliver kittens many years later. I used to spend every single day with that dog, brushing her, rubbing her belly, taking her for a walk around four blocks.

When I brushed her right before she had her puppies the yard looked like a fluffy dream with little cream colored clouds all over the place. She was so silly and sweet, even with her puppies. I remember her playing with some of her puppies in a play bow, or the time we were all rained in because I had went to bring all the pups in because I sensed a storm was coming but my brother told me to put them back. Then he ended up stranded with our mom in a car in the down pour, while me and my sister were out in the thunder and lightning trying to make sure they wouldn't be flooded out or that the roof wouldn't fly away over the kennel. Water up to my ankles, whinning puppies in a small dog house and two pups in my arms that couldn't fit with the rest of the brood. We ended up bringing them inside. When my brother came back I looked him straight in the eyes and "TOLD YOU SO!"

You know, after the pups had been born their dad Hunter came back to see them. He'd be missing her too if his owner hadn't given him away, he used to escape and come down and see her and play. Big-girl did have a long life, don't get me wrong. But it could've been better, my brother didn't always treat her well when he had her. Though he at least didn't ignore her, she didn't like being out in the rain. I took really good care of her, she used to be such a beautiful dog. I just wish we never had to move, or if we had to that that stupid double wide trailer would've been available. It broke my heart so god damn much to learn we weren't going to live there and we couldn't keep her. But what really broke my heart was being forced to let my sister have her, once she wore off being a new thing she didn't want to take care of her. Nobody in that fucking house wanted to take care of her, when I was down there I had to feed her, water her, take her out, take her for walks, bathe her, pet her. To the point I just fucking came out and had an argument with her about how I was being forced to take care of her made her my fucking dog NOT hers. My sister taking her meant biggirl was her responsibility not mine, but the burden was placed on me.

My sister has pissed me off so god damn much by not taking care of the dog that she basically promised me she would, to the point where I had to lift on a animal over 80lbs alone to bathe her. I had to buy her parasite medication, which might I add was fucking cheap. but I don't care, that medication improved her condition and she wasn't literally infested. But a few weeks ago, my dog couldn't walk. She was left in her filth to die. My sister might not had cared but I did, I ignored my fucking injury grabbed a fucking towel and got my dog back up on her legs. I didn't want her to die that way, I be damned if I let her die that way. I had that dog eating and drinking within an hour of having her back on her feet and going outside. .....Because I did that, she could walk again. She could walk on her own again, at least until today. When she was put to sleep.

I wanted to be there, I wanted to give that dog the best day of her life even if it was her last. Because she was there every single day, when I felt alone, un-wanted and used. When I buried my face in her fur and just cried, because of all the choices I had to make. Every single day I didn't have her, I missed her.

I may not had been there when she breathed her last breath of air and closed her eyes, but I did manage to change my sisters mind about disposing of her permanently. I'll at least have a body to bury when the snow is gone, and a place to be with... with my dog.

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