never in my life have i felt so hopless and mentaly lost as I have recently . I've never had a great drive or push for anything in my life I often start projects just to keep my self falling back into the void that is my own darkness. It grows with in me feeding on my doubt and fears but mostly my guilt. I no long have any idea what to say or do when I'm around people even the people i love and care about the most. I just sit there pretending to be my self when I feel like I have forgoten what that even means.

ever so often there is a little spart of what it meant to be me a slim reminder of what I do and who i was but is that who i am now the darkness creeps up with in me again and again . It gets harder and harder to push it away with an real certiany and frankly i'm at a lost as what to do. things that used to help no longer intrest me and there is no fire in my soul anymore