Hi there Everyone

Its been a very very long time since ive talked to you and Whats been going on. I know alot of you dont really care but, its something I need to say. For the past few years Ive had a lot happen to me. Ive moved 3 times, changed 5 jobs, had 2 girlfriends, and had a lot of depressing episodes. And when I mean a lot, I mean constantly. Sure ive had my happy days and im very grateful for that, I take what i can get on those days and try to enjoy it. However, Ive had alot of things bothering me in my mind that has been building up since I was nearly homeless 6 years ago that have left me in a heaping mess that I feel like I am a failure and I have no worthwhile value. I feel useless and its been going on for a long time. Building up like coins in a money jar, and im at the point where im about to cash it out. Before you ask, no, I am not planning to self harm myself. Its not gotten to that point yet, but I feel like its not far off right now. I feel like a pathetic loser who has no redeeming value, talent, self-worth or anyone remember me if I do leave this earth some day. My list of talents, I dont know what I can do and what I am good at. I dont know how I can help other people with, and I feel like I cant do anything. However, I want to help people, I really do and when I can help, sometimes it feels like im just being used and pushed out of the way. Hell, Its I feel like a creep when I ask someone to come over for dinner now because Ive asked friends many many times, and about 9/10 times I get the same answer "Sorry, Im busy during that time". I just want to feel wanted, I want to feel important. Yes, I have my family, but thats an unconditional feeling. I want to be wanted by someone who feels like I am useful and they want to be with me. I feel lonely and im at the end of my rope of being useful.