I read your journal.. And I don't deny what you said.. I am a monster.. I know I hurt you.. I live with that pain myself.. Believe it or not.. I did love you. I would still jump in front of a bus for you.. but I can't help but hurt.. I thought I could change when I fell in love with you, but... Turns out I can't.

I kinda wish you would claw my eyes out.. cuz I'm sick of having to look at myself.. You are the greatest thing to have happened to me and I mean that in full sincerity.. but I couldn't help but hurt you..

I will have to live knowing that the greatest person I have ever met.. and shared my life with hates me.. I am a monster.. but it is not because I choose to be.. but because I am a slave to it.. I hate what it makes me do.. I hate what I end up doing even though it is never my intention.. I wanted your safety.. I wanted your love.. I wanted to be the prince you saw in me.. but.. Im not..

I live with regret every day.. It eats at me every minute.. I wish i could change... but.. I fear I can't...

for 3 months... 3 months I fought the monster... I lost sleep... I barely ate.. I was barely able to keep water down.. I got medical help.. I started seeing a shrink... I never fought that had for anyone... Because I wanted you.. But now I know I can't have you.. because the monster is stronger than me.. and will only hurt you.. and I am sick of causing you pain...

You have every right to hate me.. to wish the worst of me... I can't and don't blame you... I miss you.. I think about you constantly and how much I hurt such a perfect being.. and I have to live with that.. as much as it hurts.. I have to live with that..

I'm done..

Kendra.. If you read this.. I can't say how sorry I am because it is just a word.. But it is a lot... You are beautiful, smart, sweet, caring, sexy.. everything any angel should aspire to be... But i do agree with you.. I wish you never knew me.. you would have been much better off..