I wonder if anyone else is really hit by these bouts of mental and emotional fatigue like I am. It's very difficult for some of the other people in my life to comprehend how difficult it is for me. I could have done precisely nothing for a week straight - accomplished nothing and really done nothing major I can point to - and still feel like my brain is on vacation.

Right now I'm reeling from five or six emotional gutpunches in a string. The story is long and complicated and full of too much petty - for lack of a better word - bullshit to really recount, although I'll be writing my private thoughts down later to air out some of the emotion. Suffice it to say I am fed up with other people's hypocrisy, my own hypocrisy, my failures at talking and other people's astounding and continual failure to listen.

I'll just give you a random, isolated example: Somebody, this morning, asked me a question. This question was about a video game. They asked me why I was constantly telling them that they should not ever play this video game alone, when it's so hard to find other people to play with. I was absolutely stunned. Every single time I had ever mentioned that the game in question was intended to be co-op, I had gone on to say "but playing it by yourself is a good way to practice." I mentioned over and over again that I played it by myself and I encouraged other people to play it by themselves to get better at it. What I had really been saying to this person was that they shouldn't expect to play the entire game alone and find it easy - because it's a co-op game. But they had thought I had said that they should never play alone.

By the way, the statements in question here stretch back an entire year. One. Entire. Year. For one year this person believed I had stated something I hadn't stated, and had gone out of my way to say I wasn't stating. One year. I went back through the logs and showed him all the times I had stated it. He had apparently not been paying attention to or remembering any of it.

Other examples: A significant other of mine got angry at me for no real reason because they had stayed up three days straight and were cranky, I wrestled with my own reasons for helping people, questioning my own altruism, only to then immediately find out thereafter that someone I had tried to help previously had in fact not been helped at all at precisely the worst time, I missed three roleplaying sessions because my ADD is flaring up, and I got so angry at my housemate's behavior over a twelve hour period - including being laughed at while I was providing technical support - I started screaming at one of them.

This has been a goddamned awful week. Just about the worst one I can remember in recent memory - actually, the worst once since I got out of my last, highly abusive, relationship. I'm sorry for being so vague, but... ugh.

Right now I am completely out of fucks to give. That's really the best way to put it. :(