I just feel awful reading this. I sincerely hope things get better for you. I have a family member who suffers from depression. And maybe this advice will help you like it does them. Find that one spark in life. The one thing makes you happy and live for it. Even if it's family. Live knowing there are people who love you and accept you. That's how you keep going. I really hope you read this. I just want to know that there are people who still care.

I just recently started anti-depressants, I know how you feel, I understand it completely. I know it's hard to cope, but remember, you are stronger than this. You can beat it, one way or another, you have the strength, no matter how dark things might seem, you'll always be a shining light in the darkness. I know that these words might seem hollow, especially feeling the way that you do, but just remember them. Words like this, a group of supportive people, friends (who eventually forced me to get checked on) helped me immensely. I know we haven't talked much, but I want to let you know that if you EVER need anything... please, note me, or contact me somewhere. I understand how this feels, and I don't want anyone to go through it...

Woman, you keep doing this alone! But your not! I know I cant be the only person offering you help, someone to talk to and someone to lean on. Please start taking these offers! I'm always here for you, hun. You can note me any time, send me a tweet or something. Just talk to me whenever your feeling down!

Tsu, please don't feel bad about this, no one is that strong that can take every little shit that life throws at you without at least a little help from time to time.

We're all here for you and we all love you girl, we'll be strong for you *hug*

It's not your fault, don't feel so bad... I hope things start to get easier for you

Honestly, I was born into stress and depression myself but likely not in the same way as you. I assume you were born, had a childhood, got to be a teen then things went to shit. That about right? (That's a very common pattern, hence my assumption). In my case, I suppose you could say I was blessed with my depression and stress. My grandmother is a hypercondriact, spent most of her life huffing fags and thinking she'd be dead the next morning. My grandfather took all the burden of her while my mother took the burden of three kids and one so called 'husband' who alienated her friends, gave her barely any money to survive on and never helped around the house while getting drunk and hitting on other women (My sister and I are considered the children of adultery, my sister actually disowned by him then later me. When pregnant with me, he ever said my mother was nothing to him while hitting on someone he fancied). He stole away well over 50 Grand from my family and spent it on gold diggers and trying to molest underage teenagers by luring them in with ponies and gifts (and no, he didn't try anything with my family. He's a pedo, but not an incestious one... Thank fuck). My family bounced from house to house, constantly making enemies because of our class (workhouse poor) and even starved at times when money grew so tight because our 'trustworthy government' deemed us unworthy of their pitiful cash (£140 was a lot 20 years back, but now that barely gets us enough to survive). My brother went off at a tangent and became both deeply involved in mechanics and enginnering... But also dumb enough to chase girls who want nothing but cash. My sister abandoned her rightful class and became some middle class bitch. She whines and whinges to us and calls us names, hates every woman on the planet and would fuck any man who says they like her (even if it's a lie). Not to mention, can't save money for the life of her. Had a house, lost it once her boyfriend shagged and impregnanted a lass in their bed (on my sister's things, no less). My mother took up any homely burden but called on me as her crutch once age set in the both of us. She's slowly sinking into madness, obsessed with cats and is pretty incestious with me at times... Really cannot keep her hands to herself, but at least she's stopped doing it as much now. She's 50 and if she doesn't get a job the house'll go into a complete spiral if she loses her money (something my siblings fail to realize as they have jobs and side with my gran, who calls us lay abouts while they serve her every whim). My mother's health is degrading as fast as her grip on reality, something I've seen occuring for far too long. As for me, I've been stuck indoors for... 6 months now looking after cats and stopping them trashing the place (plus, even though they're half siblings, they spawned a child too so...). I've become so sensitive to light it burns to be in sunlight, I constantly worry about my weight cos I hate my belly, I sleep in a cold room with the window open else it grows mould, my social problems are so advanced now that even a 30 seconds conversation forces a mild panic (and I'm slowly losing my understand of social graces, I can feel it), I talk to myself constantly because if I didn't I'd never talk at all, my plush toy is the only thing keeping me alive (He's so sweet to me. I'd introduce you but he can't talk... He's a toy) and my one reason to actually live is in Germany which I may never reach due to the noose that is my country which is slowly crushing down my windpipe. I constantly lie to myself to prevent mental breakdowns, I've no idea who I am so I'm suffering a legion situation (I am no one, yet I am everyone), I've never seen through my own eyes cos it horrifies me, I say I'm fine with death but I just tell myself I am even though I'm petrified, I can't stand reality so throw myself into fiction of which I'm then jealous of and have a child like mentality thinking that everything will be fine if I wish and pray and hope for something amazing to happen yet I know it never will. I once tried to kill myself 127 times in a two month span yet was never caught (I only really had blades) and healed too fast to even keep a scar (not that I can heal that fast any more. My werewolf days are over, sadly). I'm a violent, unhinged sadist with some masochistic parts added, have a very questionable (but surprisingly logical) moral code, am bizzarely nice for someone who plans the demise of everyone on the planet (no offence, it's just for safety reasons/paranoia/fun), am quite fatherly and protective even though I hate children and would rather birth a wolf pup from my own backdoor (ouch...) and have decided that the best way for me to die should my husband die before me is to find a mountian, climb it, then jump off so to 1) never have my body found and 2) experience pure freedom before endless black (no shackles of gravity, no society, no problems. Just me, the flight, and the end). I'm also terrified of being alone, of me dying before my husband and of being trapped in England till the end of time.

Now, I bet you're wondering "Why the massive post, you whacked out lunatic!?". Well, it's simple. All of this, past-present-future, is the burden I carry with me. I can offload a little but I'll still be fucked up even without the world on my back. The reason I keep going is because I don't have a choice (or emotions, for that matter). I've accepted the fact that, should I slit my throat or jump infront of a bus, odds are I'm just gonna get right back up and carry on with my day. Life loves misery, it's why rapists and pedos can slip out of jail free but the poor stealing to eat gets life sentences. I've accepted such a position but by no means am I sitting and dying in bed because the world demands I do. I get up, I exist, and I look forward to the day I have a mental snap, kill everyone in my path, and hijack a boat to Germany! ^^ Life may tighten the noose, but as long as I have my fangs and claws (and seriously fucked up psyche) I'll find a way to slip from the noose or garrott life with it! This is my blessing and my curse, the drive to forever fight and never die no matter how good cold steel feels against my breast. And it's something that I pray can be passed onto you. Shit does pile up, more so when you're depressed, but you must never let it make you believe its lies. You're not a bad person, ergo you don't deserve to die and you deserve to live out a life the way you want. Relationships will be strained, some may even break (which I'm sorry to admit), but so long as you can rely on yourself in the end you WILL succeed! You just need that power, that blade in the shadows, to drive back what you believe to be true so you can see the real truth. It's a tough fight, one akin to a battle upon a cliff's peak, but once you realize you've got a foothold you can force yourself forward and free yourself from all of this.

You have the community behind you, no matter what, and you have someone as fucked up (and homicidal, lest I forget my best quality :3) as me offering you help when I'm WELL beyond it (I mean, really, I'd drive therapists to insanity if they tried! XD). All in all, that's a pretty good army already against the darkness. So hopefully you've read all of this rambling and realized that, if someone as fucked up as me can still point out all his flaws and still laugh when admitting he's criminally insane (Oh, it's making me all blushy! >3<), then you've got a pretty good chance of survival and beating this depression. ^^ I promise you and I never break my promises (unless they're to myself, but then again who cares about that?).

P.S. Always thought you were a dude until now. :P Have I said this before? I forget, my memory is like a collander at times!

P.P.S. Don't know why I spewed all that stuff up, normally keep all my fucked up history to myself. 0.0 Must be because I'm in the middle of being completely insane. 83 It's fun letting go of your sanity, I suggest you try it sometime! 8D

P.P.P.S. And no, I'm not high or drunk. Hate such things. I just love being as mentally dangerous as a cougar holding an angry honey badger chainsaw after snorting cocaine hookers! ^O^ I am the king of lemons! Zesty zest zest! 83 Hooray!

I've been where this guy is. Lol.