Hey, gang! (tip of the hat to Joe Machi) It's time for my full con report of Anthro New England 2015! What, you ask? How can there be a full con report on Friday, the first day of the con? Well just sit tight, kiddies. I will tell you.

Seeing as how I live fairly close to the venue, my plan was to commute from home each day. Last night, I decided at the last minute (~9:30 PM) to go in and hang out for a bit. I knew there wouldn't be anything going on, but I like the anticipatory vibe of Thursday night at a con, and thought that it would go a long way towards making me feel more like I was really getting the full con experience, even though I wasn't staying at the hotel. I drove to the hotel in Cambridge, found a parking spot on the street, and went in. Unfortunately, the only person I really knew at all was leaving just as I was arriving (literally-- I ran into him just outside the hotel as I was going in). No matter. I wandered a bit, checked out the layout of the con, and then found a nice spot by a window overlooking the Charles River and the city. I sat for a while, did a crossword puzzle, and relaxed. I wasn't doing anything I couldn't have been doing at home, but it was a nice setting. I enjoyed the view out the window for a while, then went home.

This morning, I went back ready to enjoy my first non-working con since 2006. The first sign of trouble was when I pulled up to the hotel and there was an orange pylon in front of the entrance to the parking garage. A man whom I guessed (from his dress and demeanor) was from the hotel told me that the parking garage was closed, but that there was an MIT parking facility three-quarters of a mile down Vassar Street where I could park. "You can't miss it", he told me. I wasn't thrilled, but if I hustled I could park, walk back to the hotel and get registered before Opening Ceremonies started.

So I head back down Vassar Street. On my left, there are a couple of open parking lots. Did the hotel guy mean one of these lots? I couldn't be sure; his description was a little vague. But it didn't feel like I'd gone three-quarters of a mile, so I kept going until I came to a four-leveled parking garage with white letters over the entrance which read: "MIT WEST GARAGE". Was this the place? I wasn't sure. Yes, it said "MIT", but the other lots I passed could have been MIT lots as well. And when it comes to the possibility of my car getting towed or getting a hefty parking ticket, I don't like to take chances. So I decide that I need more information.

I drive back down Vassar Street to the hotel. I ask the guy I spoke to before for clarification: am I looking for an open parking lot, or a multi-tiered parking garage, like the one at the hotel? This question seems to throw him. I'm not sure English is his first language, and it doesn't seem like the word "multi-tiered" registers with him. Again he tells me, "You can't miss it." So now I'm an idiot, I guess.

I drive back down Vassar Street, past the open lots, back to the garage that says "MIT WEST GARAGE". It's a big building, big enough for someone to say "You can't miss it", so I decide that this must be the place, and pull in. There's a sign that says "PERMIT PARKING ONLY", but this is a special circumstance, and if I'm being directed here, it must be copacetic.

When I get to the ticket dispenser, the readout over the button says "CLOSED". I push the button anyway, just in case. No ticket, and the little arm that blocks vehicles from entering does not raise. Push the button again. Nothing. This can't be the place. Either that, or so many other people have already been re-directed here that now this garage is full too. And what with the recent snowpocalypse, street parking is somewhere between improbable and impossible.

So it's back down Vassar Street yet again. I tell the guy that I went to the big parking garage that says "MIT" on it, and I couldn't get in. He acts like this can't be possible. "Well, you're the first person who's said that", he tells me, and deciding that he's done with me, directs me to a second person, whom I vaguely recognize as being with the con. I pull up to him and he tells me I have to keep moving. "Drive around again if you want to talk to me", he says. Because I have to keep moving right now, but apparently, ten seconds later, I can stop and have a chat. I pull into a fire zone or something and put my parking lights on flash, because I have got to get this situation sorted out before I go driving back down Vassar again. I get out, talk to the con guy. He tells me that spaces in the parking garage will become available as people check out of the hotel. "So basically, I'm going to miss Opening Ceremonies, then?" I ask, the tacit implication being, because you guys picked a hotel that can't get their shit together parking-wise. "There's nothing I can do for you", he tells me. Man, when I was working for FurFright, I can't remember how many times we were told to give this as a response to con-goers. Oh, that's right-- none. None times. What we were told was, "If you can't help someone, find somebody who can".

So, as I'm driving back down Vassar Street for what seems like the 100th time, I make a decision: I don't need this. I didn't pre-register, I'm not in the Masquerade, I have no obligations to anyone. And the prospect of having to potentially go through this again tomorrow or Sunday? No thank you. Neither the convention nor the hotel have one red cent of my money, and they're not going to. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

So, that's my full con report of Anthro New England 2015. Right now, it seems unlikely that I will be particularly eager to attend any future ANE. For certain, I will not attend any future ANE that takes place at the Hyatt Regency.