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30 Days Of ABDL – Day One
10 years ago
Taken from 
draugr, but he seems to have stopped at day 7. I had to trace it back to the blogger he got it from, who I'm pretty sure is here: http://abjane.co.uk/2015/02/
Day One: Define what ageplay is to you.
Now I want to start by saying this is how I feel about ageplay, not how I expect everyone should feel about it. I'm not saying your way is wrong if it's different, just that it's not how I personally think of it.
I know for some people ageplay is a sexual thing, but that's definitely not the case for me. To me, it's a way to relax and let go without having to worry about people rejecting me for actually having feelings, and instead actually help me work through them. Growing up, I used to be a pretty emotional kid, for reasons. I was also really affectionate, so as a very little kid I had a lot of support if I got hurt or something. Everything changedwhen the Fire Nation attacked as I started to get older, though. As I got bigger, it led to a lot of instances of basically being told when I was sad to just get over it, or otherwise having my feelings brushed aside. There were two main reasons for it. I think that greater driving force was that I'm a guy, and guys aren't allowed to be emotional. The other was getting older, in itself. I ended up reaching a point where I just stopped caring about anything on more than the most shallow level, and that kind of worked for a while. It's become a running joke in my family that I'm dead inside because even when people die, I just don't feel anything about it.
Usually I was told the standard line about how I was getting too old to cry and all that kind of stuff, but I wasn't stupid. I could see girls my age crying and getting worked up over much smaller stuff. But guys weren't allowed to do that. Girls would get comforted, guys would get told to grow up, but also that men don't cry. My sister is well into her teens and cried when my dad didn't follow through with plans to take her to the mall, or something like that. Nobody teased her, or told her she was too old to cry. In fact, she was treated like my dad had done some awful thing for hurting her so badly. Here I was thinking that it wasn't even a surprise, because he did that to us all the time where he'd just cancel plans last minute. I couldn't even imagine the kind of insults I'd get at her age for crying over something like that.
I like being a guy, though. Everything about being a girl seems awful to me. Now the exception for guys is being a little kid. Little kids can't really control their emotions so they get a pass on it. I think that's why I gravitated towards infantilism at a time in my life where I felt awful all the time, but the only "support" I had was being told to grow up and take it. It was roleplay where I was free to just act viscerally without being judged for it, and the focus wasn't on telling me to get over it.
Now I have a very specific form of infantilism I enjoy. I like to be treated like a child. To me, this is pretty straightforward. Oddly, a lot of people seem to have trouble with this. When I am in littlespace, I don't need to be encouraged to use diapers or bottles. In fact, encouraging me to use them feels so monumentally fake that it kills it for me. No one requests a child to use a diaper. That's not to say you won't make a child use a diaper when they aren't able to use the toilet, but you wouldn't actively encourage a child to use the diaper when they show a want and a capability to make it to the toilet, or sabotage their efforts to use the toilet. Same with cups. You might not allow a child to use a big cup because they'll spill, but that's not the same as encouraging them to use a bottle. You could give them a sippy cup, or even let them try with a plastic cup and water, and if they spill they get downgraded to sippy cup. This brings up stuff about playing a certain age, but I'll talk about that on the day where it comes up.
When I RP as a little, I RP as if I need those things. If you give me a cup in an RP, I will probably spill it. Not like pour it on the ground out of defiance like it's on purpose. More like I'll walk without taking it into account and splash over the sides, or lean over to get something and it all pours out by accident. The kind of thing a kid would do when they're too little to use it.
The other thing I absolutely can't stand is being teased. This is the thing that so many other ageplayers just can't seem to grasp. I hate being teased when I'm little. There are very few exceptions to this. Teasing is one of those things that seems fake, like locking the door so "the baby" can't use the toilet, then using that as evidence that they need diapers when they can't make it. If you saw an adult, or even just a much older kid making fun of a "baby" for needing diapers, you would just think they're a jerk, right? Since I RP as if I am a little kid, I can't imagine an adult would actually tease a kid like that, which means they're actually treating me like an adult, or they're a douche. Either way it's not fun. Exceptions to this are playful teasing that you would do with a little kid, or teasing coming from another little. Playful teasing can be like "got your nose!", or other silly kinds of harmless teasing. Teasing coming from another little, while still mean, at least feels believable. The problem with it is it really requires a 3rd person to be in the RP to act as an adult, otherwise my little side gets sad, but then there's no follow-through to it. It also just doesn't make sense to have two littles around with no big looking after them.
Which brings me to my final point. Being an ABDL to me is not a solo activity. It does absolutely nothing for me alone, and I just feel ridiculous. It's all about having someone bigger, stronger, and more versed in the world to lean on when times are tough without worrying that I'm just being a burden to them. Because a lot of the draw to me is acting like a child does, a lot of the stuff I enjoy can't be enjoyed alone. Diapers? The actual act of putting a diaper on is so adult that it kills my mood. Babies don't change themselves, they don't have the dexterity nor the responsibility to do it. I'm very acutely aware that I'm just an adult dressing up like a baby. And that's not even getting started on how I need to worry about if I used it too much, if I need a change, or all the other stuff that actual kids aren't thinking about because that's the grownup's job. Same goes for drinking a bottle. Who filled the bottle? Who's going to clean it after? I still have all those responsibilities. I don't feel little, I feel dumb. Having a "grown-up" that takes that role of responsibility is what really allows me to get into that headspace. I'll go into more detail about "big" roles relative to my little self on a different day when it's relevant.
So that's what being an ABDL means to me.
Feel free to start your own and post it in the comments.
draugr, but he seems to have stopped at day 7. I had to trace it back to the blogger he got it from, who I'm pretty sure is here: http://abjane.co.uk/2015/02/Day One: Define what ageplay is to you.
Now I want to start by saying this is how I feel about ageplay, not how I expect everyone should feel about it. I'm not saying your way is wrong if it's different, just that it's not how I personally think of it.
I know for some people ageplay is a sexual thing, but that's definitely not the case for me. To me, it's a way to relax and let go without having to worry about people rejecting me for actually having feelings, and instead actually help me work through them. Growing up, I used to be a pretty emotional kid, for reasons. I was also really affectionate, so as a very little kid I had a lot of support if I got hurt or something. Everything changed
Usually I was told the standard line about how I was getting too old to cry and all that kind of stuff, but I wasn't stupid. I could see girls my age crying and getting worked up over much smaller stuff. But guys weren't allowed to do that. Girls would get comforted, guys would get told to grow up, but also that men don't cry. My sister is well into her teens and cried when my dad didn't follow through with plans to take her to the mall, or something like that. Nobody teased her, or told her she was too old to cry. In fact, she was treated like my dad had done some awful thing for hurting her so badly. Here I was thinking that it wasn't even a surprise, because he did that to us all the time where he'd just cancel plans last minute. I couldn't even imagine the kind of insults I'd get at her age for crying over something like that.
I like being a guy, though. Everything about being a girl seems awful to me. Now the exception for guys is being a little kid. Little kids can't really control their emotions so they get a pass on it. I think that's why I gravitated towards infantilism at a time in my life where I felt awful all the time, but the only "support" I had was being told to grow up and take it. It was roleplay where I was free to just act viscerally without being judged for it, and the focus wasn't on telling me to get over it.
Now I have a very specific form of infantilism I enjoy. I like to be treated like a child. To me, this is pretty straightforward. Oddly, a lot of people seem to have trouble with this. When I am in littlespace, I don't need to be encouraged to use diapers or bottles. In fact, encouraging me to use them feels so monumentally fake that it kills it for me. No one requests a child to use a diaper. That's not to say you won't make a child use a diaper when they aren't able to use the toilet, but you wouldn't actively encourage a child to use the diaper when they show a want and a capability to make it to the toilet, or sabotage their efforts to use the toilet. Same with cups. You might not allow a child to use a big cup because they'll spill, but that's not the same as encouraging them to use a bottle. You could give them a sippy cup, or even let them try with a plastic cup and water, and if they spill they get downgraded to sippy cup. This brings up stuff about playing a certain age, but I'll talk about that on the day where it comes up.
When I RP as a little, I RP as if I need those things. If you give me a cup in an RP, I will probably spill it. Not like pour it on the ground out of defiance like it's on purpose. More like I'll walk without taking it into account and splash over the sides, or lean over to get something and it all pours out by accident. The kind of thing a kid would do when they're too little to use it.
The other thing I absolutely can't stand is being teased. This is the thing that so many other ageplayers just can't seem to grasp. I hate being teased when I'm little. There are very few exceptions to this. Teasing is one of those things that seems fake, like locking the door so "the baby" can't use the toilet, then using that as evidence that they need diapers when they can't make it. If you saw an adult, or even just a much older kid making fun of a "baby" for needing diapers, you would just think they're a jerk, right? Since I RP as if I am a little kid, I can't imagine an adult would actually tease a kid like that, which means they're actually treating me like an adult, or they're a douche. Either way it's not fun. Exceptions to this are playful teasing that you would do with a little kid, or teasing coming from another little. Playful teasing can be like "got your nose!", or other silly kinds of harmless teasing. Teasing coming from another little, while still mean, at least feels believable. The problem with it is it really requires a 3rd person to be in the RP to act as an adult, otherwise my little side gets sad, but then there's no follow-through to it. It also just doesn't make sense to have two littles around with no big looking after them.
Which brings me to my final point. Being an ABDL to me is not a solo activity. It does absolutely nothing for me alone, and I just feel ridiculous. It's all about having someone bigger, stronger, and more versed in the world to lean on when times are tough without worrying that I'm just being a burden to them. Because a lot of the draw to me is acting like a child does, a lot of the stuff I enjoy can't be enjoyed alone. Diapers? The actual act of putting a diaper on is so adult that it kills my mood. Babies don't change themselves, they don't have the dexterity nor the responsibility to do it. I'm very acutely aware that I'm just an adult dressing up like a baby. And that's not even getting started on how I need to worry about if I used it too much, if I need a change, or all the other stuff that actual kids aren't thinking about because that's the grownup's job. Same goes for drinking a bottle. Who filled the bottle? Who's going to clean it after? I still have all those responsibilities. I don't feel little, I feel dumb. Having a "grown-up" that takes that role of responsibility is what really allows me to get into that headspace. I'll go into more detail about "big" roles relative to my little self on a different day when it's relevant.
So that's what being an ABDL means to me.
Feel free to start your own and post it in the comments.
My relationship with ageplay has a lot of layers to it.
On one level, I love diapers. I have ever since I was old enough to just be getting out of them. I don't remember ever deciding one day as a child, "hey, I'm going to try taking one and putting it on"; the earliest memories I have are taking diapers from my babysitter's house and wearing them. I was maybe four years old. It was, is, and always has been a low-key obsession for me for reasons I'll probably never know. Later on, it became a sexual thing, but only secondarily (I'll be jumping into sex further down). It's always primarily been an emotional connection for me. They're comfortable, they're nostalgic, it's just always been something I've been driven to do. Try explaining that one to your therapist, huh?
The other aspects of ageplay (pacifiers, roleplaying, etc) didn't come to me until I joined a community of ageplayers on the Internet, I was about thirteen. It was fun, I liked being cute and comfortable, but it wasn't much of anything without the diapers. Diapers are just about a fixation that I've had ever since I was a little kid, that developed into feelings of nostalgia, safety and happiness because it reminded me of those times in early childhood. It doesn't have anything to do with roleplaying as a child, being child-like, or anything like that. I do that with the people in the community because I'm part of the community, and that's what they do. I will say that being part of that community starting at such a formative age gave me a complex about becoming and looking like an adult that I'm still trying to work past.
As far as the sexual aspect of diapers, I think it's just an emotional -> sexual thing, I guess? I don't know how to explain it. I'm asexual. I don't get turned on by the normal stuff. I get aroused by ideas of situations, mostly bondage and humiliation. My sexuality is intrinsically and solely connected to my emotions. My libido is just an unfortunate physical process that I'd much rather do without. So as I got older, diapers started showing up in my fantasies. I think it's just another expression of my desire for safety and security, in a sexual context. Who knows, man. Self-psychoanalysis is a pain.
also geez are you me .x.
I am sorry that you've felt like your feelings were dismissed. While we certainly should control our feelings and not let them get the better of us, nor should we act as if we must always act upon them, there is a difference between that and just plain not getting emotional at all if you feel that way.
I also get how you feel about being treated like an adult pretending to be a baby rather than how they would treat you if you really were one. I feel similarly, although I don't have original characters that young. But my avatar character (not a "fursona" but an original character) is considerably younger than I am (ten years old), and the opposite sex. Depending on if the circumstance is innocent, I don't necessarily mind role-playing as Harriet in text form, to flesh her out as a character and bring her to life, but I need a clear distinction between that and the reality. I don't want to be treated as though I were Harriet outside of a clear formal role-playing situation, and when I am role-playing as her I want people to treat her like a real ten-year-old girl (as in, not talking about things that wouldn't be appropriate for ten-year-old ears to hear), not like a man in his early thirties pretending to be one.
God bless you and be with you in all you do.