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My negative energies
11 years ago
General
You might have gathered that I am a grumpy fucker. Right now I've reached the stage where nothing I do works so I've decided to jot them down here to get my anger out in the open so I can carry on existing
Why existing? Well it's hard to live with no money & no friends in reality. I barely struggle to exist & I just live the same monotony everyday. I wake up, go to college, come home do housework, go to bed & when there is no college, I get up, do housework, look for jobs then go to bed. I never go out & I never have fun
Family life is never fair. Can't afford the insurance on my car for this month & can't get help anywhere. On the other hand, my younger brother who's never paid his way is getting money to go hiking on the highest peaks in the UK. In fact, my brother has been to the Scottish open (major golf event), min-y-don, gone to see his old pals in Scotland for new years where-as for me, I've just been stuck at home forced to listen to my dad & his girlfriend spew out shite like "Gays are abusive to women". On top of that, my brother's even getting a motorbike & wont listen to any of my suggestions.
Jobs are fucking impossible. There are plenty of jobs down here in the West Midlands but I've never been called in for an interview even though I'm creative & very intensive with any job that comes my way.
College gets on my tits. Whenever I do my work, I feel proud until I look to the desk next to me, they've always done something better than me. Heck, even on here, I feel completely second-rate.
Being single is shite. I hate being single, you don't know how lonely you feel when you go out for a drive or go to college & see everybody snogging each other. Once every blue moon when I do go out to my local gay bar (which is hardly a gay bar since straight people wont stay in the shiteholes they find so appealing) any gay guy I find is always in a couple. Dating sites are rubbish, the only folk interested in me are fat, balding pensioners.
To cut a long story short, I'm bitter, lonely, broke, second-rate, talentless & have no hope of achieving any of my aspirations. I was hoping to buy a classic car to restore this year, something like a Citroen BX, Hillman Avenger or Ford Cortina but that's unlikely to happen. I also want to see my old pal Jasmine in Glasgow soon but that's not going to happen. I want to go to classic car shows but that's not happening either. Eventually I hope to go to America to meet some of my online pals but knowing my luck I'll end up stranded. I'll spend everyday sat at my computer, lonely, broke & wishing I had been born with an arse lined in diamonds like my brother.
I've seen a couple of journals from folk in the states with money worries, car problems & so on so I reckon I wont get any sympathies, not like I expect any, I'm just on the moan constantly.
So aye, there's my negative energies out in the open & I hope now I can improve myself by doing so
Why existing? Well it's hard to live with no money & no friends in reality. I barely struggle to exist & I just live the same monotony everyday. I wake up, go to college, come home do housework, go to bed & when there is no college, I get up, do housework, look for jobs then go to bed. I never go out & I never have fun
Family life is never fair. Can't afford the insurance on my car for this month & can't get help anywhere. On the other hand, my younger brother who's never paid his way is getting money to go hiking on the highest peaks in the UK. In fact, my brother has been to the Scottish open (major golf event), min-y-don, gone to see his old pals in Scotland for new years where-as for me, I've just been stuck at home forced to listen to my dad & his girlfriend spew out shite like "Gays are abusive to women". On top of that, my brother's even getting a motorbike & wont listen to any of my suggestions.
Jobs are fucking impossible. There are plenty of jobs down here in the West Midlands but I've never been called in for an interview even though I'm creative & very intensive with any job that comes my way.
College gets on my tits. Whenever I do my work, I feel proud until I look to the desk next to me, they've always done something better than me. Heck, even on here, I feel completely second-rate.
Being single is shite. I hate being single, you don't know how lonely you feel when you go out for a drive or go to college & see everybody snogging each other. Once every blue moon when I do go out to my local gay bar (which is hardly a gay bar since straight people wont stay in the shiteholes they find so appealing) any gay guy I find is always in a couple. Dating sites are rubbish, the only folk interested in me are fat, balding pensioners.
To cut a long story short, I'm bitter, lonely, broke, second-rate, talentless & have no hope of achieving any of my aspirations. I was hoping to buy a classic car to restore this year, something like a Citroen BX, Hillman Avenger or Ford Cortina but that's unlikely to happen. I also want to see my old pal Jasmine in Glasgow soon but that's not going to happen. I want to go to classic car shows but that's not happening either. Eventually I hope to go to America to meet some of my online pals but knowing my luck I'll end up stranded. I'll spend everyday sat at my computer, lonely, broke & wishing I had been born with an arse lined in diamonds like my brother.
I've seen a couple of journals from folk in the states with money worries, car problems & so on so I reckon I wont get any sympathies, not like I expect any, I'm just on the moan constantly.
So aye, there's my negative energies out in the open & I hope now I can improve myself by doing so
All I can say is that I have had an intensely shit period myself. Infact, it seems like the internet has become the place for the "bitter and the broken". Just like You and I....
You do not know me either yet.
Right now I am as much of a stranger to you as any of the random people you meet up in the streets.
But... If it is of any comfort (And not to sound like the usual repetitive shit-heads online who always say this same things) I am more than available if you need to talk with someone.
I know for experience that being lonely slowly can and -will- kill you. This isn't a joke either.
I am not a saint or problem solver either.
And I am someone that is facing it's own personal issues... Such as depression and whatnot.
I still think that speaking up to someone friendly is better than letting it consume you from the inside... Day by day.
So hit me up on my notes if you wish so and I'll give you my Skype address.