I hate causing people pain. I can't deal with it. I tried so hard throughout my relationship to keep both her and I from having to feel it, so much so that I made myself believe everything was fine when it wasn't. And I was so afraid of the pain that I couldn't stop it. I just kept hiding my feelings until I was forced to face them, and by then it just made the pain so much worse in the end. I sowed the breeze and reaped the whirlwind, I guess...the worst part is that she keeps blaming herself and heaping all of it on her, when it was my own insecurities and all around fear that brought it all down. I hate it. I hate the fact that I can't tell people how I feel, I hate that all of my emotions are just bottled up from years of abuse, and I don't know how to free them without them exploding. The only solace I can find in this storm are my friends and Jesus Christ. If there ever was any reason for me to be a Christian, it's because of times like this. I feel Him in every comforting word, and He's the only reason I'm able to cope. And thank you guys for helping me through this, I really love you all