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I don't know how to be a friend.
10 years ago
I honestly don't. I used to, but not anymore. And it's hard to practice when you suck at it.
From the beginning of my life to where I am now, I've never really been the kind of person who went out and met people/had people who wanted to get to know me.
It's not like I'm not liked or anything, but I'm definitely not sending out any signs saying that I want to be talked to.
It's a really dumb trap, like the one in the Breakfast Club. If I say "no, I don't want to talk to people", I'm a cranky hermit, and if I say "yes, I wish I could get people to talk to me", I'm needy.
But at the end of the day, just like in the Breakfast Club, you're the person who would say both yes and no.
But even past that...idk. I could argue that I've just been raised that way maybe?
I was born in Japan on a naval base, and I stayed there for 8 years. As a kid, I thought my whole world would be there, and I'd have a best friend named Merrick and then I'd continue to be happy.
And then my parents said "WERE MOVING TO AMERICA". And I saw black people and a lot more white people for the first time.
And then I spent around 9 years in America, thinking this was going to be the end of my life and where I'd spend the rest of my years, understanding the things that I did as someone with more understanding...
And then my parents said, "LETS GO LIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES"
...ok.
And we weren't just going to visit, my family moved there with the intention of staying. We were here for 2 years, and I was 18 and hopelessly moved away from the things I knew, in this alien country.
And then my parents went "ACTUALLY NEVERMIND LETS GO BACK TO THE STATES--"
*whacks them with a cricket bat*
*...kidding. i wish tho*
And do I hate them for moving me all over the world? No. Hell no.
I've seen things other kids have probably never seen.
But I also don't have things that other kids got growing up.
I didn't go to my high school prom. I could've, but I knew that budgets for my family were tight what with our moving the Philippines after I graduated, so I gave my prom to my parents.
I didn't really have friends that I laughed and cried with in high school.
I never had a best friend or even a group of friends, just people who were friendly around me, but never asked to come over to my house or get to know anything more about me.
Maybe it was just intimidating to get to know me when I told them about everywhere I'd been, but... Even so, the way I was raised excommunicated me from any possibility of a normal life.
And do I blame all of my inability to make friends on something like the life I've lived up until this point?
Do I blame my parents for pretty much raising me to be stuck at home with no friends except for my little plastic internet box?
Not at all.
But it doesn't really change the fact that I do have it to worry about.
Throughout my life, the reason I think I've become someone who was so easy to pass over and not become friends with, imo...
Is the fact that I'm nice.
lol Now...I'm not saying that it's bad to be nice, obv.
But the way that I'm nice, it's like I'm gently giving people a reason to not be sad about who I really am.
And it's gently supported by the fact that I can smile about how horrible my life is.
So they suppose that "Awww, he's okay, that's good. I wish I could be that strong."
When at the end of the day, I'm lying in bed so broken, I can't even cry about my life anymore.
My point:
...idk =w=
There was no point to be made here, aside from...idk.
I just need to say it sometimes so that I can remember that I'm not just a lifeless doll to be tolerating it for so many years.
I've got a boyfriend who I love and loves me back mutually with the passion of a thousand solar deeyicks. I'm slowly making more friends. I'm improving as a person, even if it's slow.
And more than anything, I've got a general direction of my life now. I've got something I want to work towards.
And I'll keep working for the first time in my life, purposely wanting to work.
Because it finally made sense to me.
And ya better watch out when I start to make sense of things.
Cuz that's when I win. >:3
*knocks over my chess piece*
But then I'll lose again.
But ya gotta lose, if you wanna have friends. =w=
And that's more important than winning.
IDK WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT XD
im so hungrehhhhhhhGIVEMEPIZZA
From the beginning of my life to where I am now, I've never really been the kind of person who went out and met people/had people who wanted to get to know me.
It's not like I'm not liked or anything, but I'm definitely not sending out any signs saying that I want to be talked to.
It's a really dumb trap, like the one in the Breakfast Club. If I say "no, I don't want to talk to people", I'm a cranky hermit, and if I say "yes, I wish I could get people to talk to me", I'm needy.
But at the end of the day, just like in the Breakfast Club, you're the person who would say both yes and no.
But even past that...idk. I could argue that I've just been raised that way maybe?
I was born in Japan on a naval base, and I stayed there for 8 years. As a kid, I thought my whole world would be there, and I'd have a best friend named Merrick and then I'd continue to be happy.
And then my parents said "WERE MOVING TO AMERICA". And I saw black people and a lot more white people for the first time.
And then I spent around 9 years in America, thinking this was going to be the end of my life and where I'd spend the rest of my years, understanding the things that I did as someone with more understanding...
And then my parents said, "LETS GO LIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES"
...ok.
And we weren't just going to visit, my family moved there with the intention of staying. We were here for 2 years, and I was 18 and hopelessly moved away from the things I knew, in this alien country.
And then my parents went "ACTUALLY NEVERMIND LETS GO BACK TO THE STATES--"
*whacks them with a cricket bat*
*...kidding. i wish tho*
And do I hate them for moving me all over the world? No. Hell no.
I've seen things other kids have probably never seen.
But I also don't have things that other kids got growing up.
I didn't go to my high school prom. I could've, but I knew that budgets for my family were tight what with our moving the Philippines after I graduated, so I gave my prom to my parents.
I didn't really have friends that I laughed and cried with in high school.
I never had a best friend or even a group of friends, just people who were friendly around me, but never asked to come over to my house or get to know anything more about me.
Maybe it was just intimidating to get to know me when I told them about everywhere I'd been, but... Even so, the way I was raised excommunicated me from any possibility of a normal life.
And do I blame all of my inability to make friends on something like the life I've lived up until this point?
Do I blame my parents for pretty much raising me to be stuck at home with no friends except for my little plastic internet box?
Not at all.
But it doesn't really change the fact that I do have it to worry about.
Throughout my life, the reason I think I've become someone who was so easy to pass over and not become friends with, imo...
Is the fact that I'm nice.
lol Now...I'm not saying that it's bad to be nice, obv.
But the way that I'm nice, it's like I'm gently giving people a reason to not be sad about who I really am.
And it's gently supported by the fact that I can smile about how horrible my life is.
So they suppose that "Awww, he's okay, that's good. I wish I could be that strong."
When at the end of the day, I'm lying in bed so broken, I can't even cry about my life anymore.
My point:
...idk =w=
There was no point to be made here, aside from...idk.
I just need to say it sometimes so that I can remember that I'm not just a lifeless doll to be tolerating it for so many years.
I've got a boyfriend who I love and loves me back mutually with the passion of a thousand solar deeyicks. I'm slowly making more friends. I'm improving as a person, even if it's slow.
And more than anything, I've got a general direction of my life now. I've got something I want to work towards.
And I'll keep working for the first time in my life, purposely wanting to work.
Because it finally made sense to me.
And ya better watch out when I start to make sense of things.
Cuz that's when I win. >:3
*knocks over my chess piece*
But then I'll lose again.
But ya gotta lose, if you wanna have friends. =w=
And that's more important than winning.
IDK WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT XD
im so hungrehhhhhhhGIVEMEPIZZA
TheStoryWriter
~thestorywriter
I know the feeling. I've moved around the world a lot and it took me quite a while to kinda get into some sort of groove. I'll never regret the life I've lived, but I wouldn't exactly recommend it to everyone either.
