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Please Read Important Note about my Art.(Please PLEASE Read)
16 years ago
Art is my life, and I have dreamed of creating graphic furry novels and comic strips since high school. However, if you have noticed, my art production is rather slim compared to the production rates of artists like Grisser, Ten, Blotch, etc.
This is because I grew up with horrible insecurities that started with my childhood surgeries and schoolyard taunts. I won't sugarcoat it. I think I am horribly ugly, and there is not a moment where I am not negatively putting myself down for the way my neck can barely turn, my missing ear, the sound of my voice, the lankiness of my body, the scars, my height, etc. etc.
It has been a drain on my personality, life, and soul since birth.
It has also drained me creatively. The more I negatively put myself down because of physical looks then the more I put myself down for creativity. I have spent a good portion of my life not practicing art because I don't feel like I am worth it .... or I don't feel like I am capable of good art or good story comics ... or I feel that if I am ugly, then there is something wrong mentally as well ...
I can recall every time I put a pencil down and draw a sketch that I am not happy with, then my mind tells me I am ugly and it's not worth to redo the sketch. It STILL happens.
And as the years go by (I am 25) then the more I have started to negatively put myself down for not having practiced art in my youth. Art gets better from years of practice, and teenage youth is the most active time for the human brain.
So the cycle continues ... a horrible cycle of depression and negativity that I can not break out of. ((Art is only one of the victims ... I have never had a mate or boyfriend, and I have all but given up on the hope of finding love.))
.... I write this because despite all this negativity I have an incurable and insatiable sense of creativity running through my head non-stop. I pace my room and my house EVERY SINGLE DAY with stories and scenes with my characters that I have kept silently creating since high-school. They will NOT leave my mind, nor will they leave me alone. They are my children and my soul, and they are persistent in getting out on to paper for all to see.
I NEED HELP. I need help to break the cycle, to break this near suicidal negativity that has been killing me for over a decade. I don't know what else to ask. I barely know what else to do. I do not wish to make any excuses. What is past is past, and I can not get back those years that were wasted. I NEED HELP NOW, and whatever you can think that will give me the boost I need ... recommendations, criticism, love, friendliness, positiveness, whatever ... please tell me.
Advice on how to practice art, on how to set goals, on how to lift my head up ... I am constantly boiling in hurt and fear, and hearing someone talk next to me is the only sign that I am alive now-days. And I desperately want to feel positive at least once about my art. I have lost confidence that I will ever feel good about my body, but I don't want to give up on my art that begs to be refined so that I can let loose my muse.
I don't know what to do. And I need someone out there to tell me what to do.
This is because I grew up with horrible insecurities that started with my childhood surgeries and schoolyard taunts. I won't sugarcoat it. I think I am horribly ugly, and there is not a moment where I am not negatively putting myself down for the way my neck can barely turn, my missing ear, the sound of my voice, the lankiness of my body, the scars, my height, etc. etc.
It has been a drain on my personality, life, and soul since birth.
It has also drained me creatively. The more I negatively put myself down because of physical looks then the more I put myself down for creativity. I have spent a good portion of my life not practicing art because I don't feel like I am worth it .... or I don't feel like I am capable of good art or good story comics ... or I feel that if I am ugly, then there is something wrong mentally as well ...
I can recall every time I put a pencil down and draw a sketch that I am not happy with, then my mind tells me I am ugly and it's not worth to redo the sketch. It STILL happens.
And as the years go by (I am 25) then the more I have started to negatively put myself down for not having practiced art in my youth. Art gets better from years of practice, and teenage youth is the most active time for the human brain.
So the cycle continues ... a horrible cycle of depression and negativity that I can not break out of. ((Art is only one of the victims ... I have never had a mate or boyfriend, and I have all but given up on the hope of finding love.))
.... I write this because despite all this negativity I have an incurable and insatiable sense of creativity running through my head non-stop. I pace my room and my house EVERY SINGLE DAY with stories and scenes with my characters that I have kept silently creating since high-school. They will NOT leave my mind, nor will they leave me alone. They are my children and my soul, and they are persistent in getting out on to paper for all to see.
I NEED HELP. I need help to break the cycle, to break this near suicidal negativity that has been killing me for over a decade. I don't know what else to ask. I barely know what else to do. I do not wish to make any excuses. What is past is past, and I can not get back those years that were wasted. I NEED HELP NOW, and whatever you can think that will give me the boost I need ... recommendations, criticism, love, friendliness, positiveness, whatever ... please tell me.
Advice on how to practice art, on how to set goals, on how to lift my head up ... I am constantly boiling in hurt and fear, and hearing someone talk next to me is the only sign that I am alive now-days. And I desperately want to feel positive at least once about my art. I have lost confidence that I will ever feel good about my body, but I don't want to give up on my art that begs to be refined so that I can let loose my muse.
I don't know what to do. And I need someone out there to tell me what to do.
That being said, you need to get it through your head that looks do NOT affect art. Just take Frank Gembeck (
1:00
on the DT forum but I didn't want to make the others feel bad since I've never done that for them ^^; I would love to see sketches or writings you've done that you didn't think made the grade because I bet you they have and maybe hearing other people remark on how good they are will help you feel what you keep telling yourself, that this negativity isn't true
But I do have to say, you aren't ugly sarge... *nosekiss* and you are a good friend.