Recently got a letter from the SSA with a definitive date for my SSI appeal hearing. It's in less than two weeks, so I'm extremely stressed out and nervous about that. I've gotta convince them to get me on the program, now, else I'm pretty much fucked.

It's worse now, since I heard that Indiana's passed what's basically a discrimination pass law for people; with the law in place, any workplace can drop or refuse employment to anyone they want based solely on discriminatory reasons (like age, race, sexual preference, etc.). People are already outraged over this, and being a gay man who apparently can't seem to hide that fact very well, it's unlikely that I'll be able to get a job with this law in place, with or without my mental issues. So that's driving me up the wall, as well.

Computer's crapping out on me at random and doing weird things, so I'll need help to get the money to get it serviced. Dunno what's wrong with it, or how much it'll cost to get it serviced, but blegh... I really didn't need this, right now.

All this has caused me to be extremely stressed. I tried playing some games with my boyfriend  JaguarMaster tonight, but I wasn't enjoying myself. I haven't played many games, if any, for years, nor have I made any significant actual art or stories in that time, either. It's like the spark of inspiration and drive to do things that I used to have is pretty much dead inside me, and nothing I do can reignite it. It's really frustrating, because I want to get back into these things, but it feels like such a chore to do so. I don't seem to enjoy any of the things I used to enjoy, nowadays, and that's sad.

And on top of that, my insecurity and self-consciousness still plagues me; I've been looking into getting some lingerie for me to wear, and I got a few pieces (though they're really cheap and fray too easily), and both Jag, my friend  Brauner and Jag and my friend Chamelion like what they see with it, but that makes me sensitive, because... I dunno, I guess it goes back to that aura I seem to exude that makes people IRL tag me as gay with a boyfriend (with Jag) way too easily; it's like, is there something that I'm doing or something that makes me more girly than I should look, in public? I mean, thongs I can get away with, but when they say that I look good in thigh-high stockings, pantyhose, garter belts, and even flat-chest BRAS... what does that say about me?

I just... I want to hide, right now, to just curl up and make it all just go away and leave me alone...