Just had a wonderful fight with my dad earlier this morning about my cell phone bill being too high, my phone having been shut off due to it, and lack of money I had in my checking account at the time, and to top it all off with that he disapproves of me wanting to move to Indiana so I can be with my boyfriend.

As many of you know already, I have never been close with my dad. How can I sum him up? He's pretty much been this male figure who has been in our home for nearly 45 years, gone in the morning for work and only see him at night after work for a few hours before he goes to bed. Gone for a week or two every couple of months, on the road for his job and then he'd show up again. Weekends you were lucky to even see him because he'd be at his favorite bar, hanging out with his friends from work and getting drunk. That's pretty much how I saw my dad.

I never learned much from him in the ways of necessary skills; like working on cars, putting in new wiring into a house, plumbing skills, hell I'm lucky enough to even have been taught how to shave from the man!

I have lived with this man 39 years of my life, I have tried being a son to him all those years, not once in those 39 years except in the past 3 or 4 years has he ever tried being a father to me and my sister. He was never there to go to any of my sports practices or games I played when I was growing up, he has never encouraged me on anything I have ever done, or continue to do, he has never shown me any praise for something I accomplished or achieved at. And god knows I love my niece and nephew to death, but he's shown up for more of their sports games, or activities they have done or still do to this day. My dad always tells my mum the same thing "Well, I have more time now than I did back then." Uh, thanks?

I hate that he is trying to buy for lost time between my sister and I now; she's 45, I just turned 39 in February, and he's trying to make up for that. I'm sorry, I'm an adult now, I don't need a dad now, I needed him 30+ years ago when I was growing up.

I hate the fact that my dad is so against Inola and I being together, and I know I will never have my dad's full acceptance of my happiness of who I am with. I know I will never have his blessing to be with Inola.

Not only am I upset that he can't accept Inola as my boyfriend, and be happy for us like so many other people I know and have spoken to, but for him to accept who I am, that I am gay, and all I want in life is to be happy with the one I love.

Yet he remains to be judgmental, bigoted, and racist. Yeah, you heard that right, not only is my dad resentful towards homosexuals he also hates Blacks, Hispanics, Asians you name it! So yeah if any of my Black, Hispanic, Asian, or any other race related friends I have came over to visit me don't expect a warm welcome from my dad, another reason I am done with him.

I'm tired of him being so negative, and other times hypocritical of what he says, like that I "spend my money foolishly", yet the man can go out and treat 8 people out to eat at a nice restaurant, and pick up the bill for everyone. Great lesson there, dad.

So all in all I've finally given up trying to be nice, and play the Mr. Friendly game with my dad after 39 years, I'm done with him bitching and complaining about things I do, who I associate with, where I go, what I do for a living, or where I will be going later in life. I just wanted someone who was going to support me in everything I do, cheer me on, and stand by my side. Instead I got a stranger I have lived with 39 years of my life, who has given me at least a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food at the table but nothing more in the way of love, and acceptance.

Goodbye dad