Having a rough day today, spent all night and morning struggling to settle, my painkillers are not cutting it at all. I took another oramorph top up, more than i prescribed, and it got rid of the pain but made me unwell. Nauseous, drowsy, dizzy, confusion.. Cant take anything now until nurses visit and i get my MST And shots tonight. I've called for a home visit by dr to get better pain control but he cant come until 3:30pm and its 1:20pm now. Frustrating, the only thing i can do is call an ambulance and be admitted but Fuck That. Dont want anyone touching me.

I got my twitter account back up, greymuzzleburr thanks to a stud burr and actually managed to talk about what was going on within the FA forums, twitter post got sort of sidelined with friends wanting to ask how an appointment went and .. I just explained it all, the cancer stage and timeline, what i'm dealing with. Its strange, it felt great to let go and just say it, hold so much in to stop worrying and upsetting others.. But it felt good, a relief, i cried like an idiot though. strange to think i wont be here forever but almost as strange is i feel i've already been here forever.

Hopefully today will pick up