This used to be a monthly thing, if even that. Occasionally, I'd skip a month... In any case, I've been getting some really creepy lapses in my memory and I have no idea why. Not only is my memory just...screwy, but physically things are just off. I'll skip letters when I'm typing, even though I'm CERTAIN I had hit the keys (No, it's not the keyboard, it happens on all of them). The frequency of this has increased substantially over the past few weeks...first started watching it about two months ago when I noticed my writing was missing the most random letters. Now, I can't post anything without rereading it first to make sure that I'm not skipping any letters or messing up any of the words. To add to that, I've noticed that the same things happens with the piano. It's like a lack of motor control, except that it's basically like my paws just freeze up.

Another thing to add to that...my sternum has been out of place for a while now and it hurts like hell to get it back to where it's supposed to be. To top that off, I'll occasionally lose feeling in one or both of my legs. As long as I'm looking at them though, I can at least see them move, but standing is damn near impossible when that does happen. But those are just minor irritants. No, what bothers me is what's written below...

Dizziness and hallucinations... Maybe the "seeing things in the mirror" is actually a problem xD but that's been an issue for as long as I can remember, but it REALLY started acting up after I got off the anti-depressants.

The dizziness is somewhat new, though. This used to happen off and on, but now it's become an issue more often than not. I can still see clearly and don't have issues functioning because of it...it's what comes along WITH the dizziness that bothers me.

I can't remember where I am, whether it's at home or at work. If I'm out at the store it's even worse. It's almost like my brain just shuts down for a split second and while it's busy "rebooting" or whatever, I can't think straight or understand what someone is saying. Happened three times at work today... Once on break, then twice while I was trying to actually do my job.

Anyway: here's what it's like...
Say you go to sleep in your bed one night and you're comfortable, you know what to expect when you wake up. You'll be in your room, all cozy and safe, right? Well; when you wake up, you're not in bed anymore. You're not even in your room, much less in your house. It's really disorienting.

So the following took place at work today:
During my break, I went up to the third floor break room (as usual) to get a snack and something to drink. I was making my way to a table to sit and almost fell over. Naturally, I just picked the nearest one to sit at. The seats were cushioned with a black metal back instead of the wooden chairs I had expected. The floor was carpeted instead of the off-grey tile of the building I was JUST in. The tables were also rectangular and grey in color, not a round table with natural wood tones. Above are the harsh florescent lights instead of the more mild incandescent bulbs that were installed in he hanging lights only moments earlier. I look over to the windows and suddenly I'm really freaking high up instead of the ground floor. To add to that, I'm NOT actually in a small building at a street corner where I thought I was. Instead, I just got teleported to some weird place really far from where I was. And THEN I look around again and suddenly it dawns on me...I'm at work...third floor break room...PROBABLY just grabbed a snack since I'm sitting. Yup, look down and there's noms. Only thought at this time was "well...that's my little abduction for the week."

NOPE! About three hours later, between lunch and second break, happens again, this time right after I get an order for another area of the department. Went over and set it all up to cut. Have another little episode, this time I got yanked back from some...house I didn't recognize. A living room setup, it looked like. Anyway, I get my bearings and even though it's all been setup already, I have to figure out what I was doing in the first place. Check the work tickets, double check the cables, make sure I didn't cut or finish any and THEN go back to work.

And the last one was probably the most terrifying. I had another episode while I was attaching pins to some hook-up wires (a single cable, sometimes several strands of wire twisted together, coated with an insulating material) and nearly slammed my paw with the applicator...something that would've broken my fingers quite easily and possibly caused me to lose one...or two, depending. But I digress. I was in a really nice space...like a hotel room maybe? I was sitting at the desk waiting for someone. The wooden desk was replaced by the steel table I was working on and this giant machine basically appeared out of nowhere...and I hit the pedal, which I was not at all ready for. The applicator comes down and barely catches my knuckle when I yank back so it doesn't completely destroy my paw...

One last thing to note. I don't suspect that these episodes take more than a second...maybe two at MOST, especially since I didn't lose even a minute when I was on break.

So yeah...today has been the worst ever. Really sore and really scared... Honestly, I'm not entirely sure if I've written this journal, to be perfectly honest. I suppose I'll know tomorrow when I look...assuming I'm actually able to believe what I'm seeing anyway.