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CFz 2015 Journal (With 35% more tired sarcasm!)
10 years ago
Your top story tonight:
1. What is your name?
If you need me to tell you this then you are not permitted to read the next twenty-something answers.
2. What is your gender?
I identify strongest with the male gender, what with the penis and everything.
3. How old are you?
Twenty-old.
4. How tall are you?
I fail to see how this is relevant to the con. Are there doorways under 5'8" that I should be made aware of in advance? Is there a height limit on the art auction?
5. Are you in a relationship?
No! For the first ConFuzzled in years. Who will comfort me in times of shame?!
6. Where are you staying?
I will be escaping to Chateau de Parents as they are just a couple of miles away from the hotel and are infinitely more free. And I'm probably going to get a better bed.
7. What day are you getting there?
I haven't thought this far ahead yet. Put Saturday in the diary and we'll see how things pan out.
8. Who will you be with?
Whoever will take me at that moment. Stands a chance I will be butterflying around on my own unless a wild friend appears.
9. Do you have art in the art show?
Do I look like I have art in the art show.
10. What suit(s) will you have?
None. Without a room to dump shit in (not literally) I will be leaving the Equium partial at home. Where it shall sob fuzzy lonely tears.
11. Can I dance with you?
No. Three reasons - 1) I can't dance, 2) I don't want to dance, 3) I won't be dancing.
12. Can I touch you?
I will permit this but you will need to at least buy me a drink or eight.
13. Can I talk to you?
Yes but don't get scared if I mention dangerous boring words like football, flags or Kidderminster.
14. Can I hug you?
Yes but if your hug lasts for over 9 seconds I can legally bite your nose.
15. Can I take photos of you/with you?
You will need a strong spirit and a stronger lens.
16. Can I buy you lots of drinks?
Anything fewer than lots I will consider a personal insult.
16a. Favorite drinks?
Most spirits doused in something fizzy, or milky liqueurs, Kopparberg, Rekorderlig, or pizza.
17. Do you drink Alcohol/Smoke?
I smoke alcohol.
18. Can I give you lots of money?
I will gladly take your "lots of money" before giving you some back as you clearly have mental issues and need help.
19. Can I hang out with you?
Make sure you have upgraded to a mind that doesn't get offended by aggressive sarcasm or ribcage-destroying puns.
20. How will I recognize you?
This is a BRITISH con and I accept only BRITISH spelling.
21. Where will you be most of the time during the con?
If Travel West Midlands are anything to go by I shall probably spend most of time on the bus, inching closer to the con through the labyrinth of red lights that litter Stechford and Yardley.
22. Who are you rooming with?
I am a lonely fox.
23. Attending any events?
I will, on the condition they're better than last year's events.
24. How can I find you at the con?
Telegram me, tweet me or just lean out of a window and enjoy a good shout.
25. Are you doing anything in line with the theme?
Haven't even read the book. I am going to dress in time travel-related outfits and just say I've come from a con of the future.
If you need me to tell you this then you are not permitted to read the next twenty-something answers.
2. What is your gender?
I identify strongest with the male gender, what with the penis and everything.
3. How old are you?
Twenty-old.
4. How tall are you?
I fail to see how this is relevant to the con. Are there doorways under 5'8" that I should be made aware of in advance? Is there a height limit on the art auction?
5. Are you in a relationship?
No! For the first ConFuzzled in years. Who will comfort me in times of shame?!
6. Where are you staying?
I will be escaping to Chateau de Parents as they are just a couple of miles away from the hotel and are infinitely more free. And I'm probably going to get a better bed.
7. What day are you getting there?
I haven't thought this far ahead yet. Put Saturday in the diary and we'll see how things pan out.
8. Who will you be with?
Whoever will take me at that moment. Stands a chance I will be butterflying around on my own unless a wild friend appears.
9. Do you have art in the art show?
Do I look like I have art in the art show.
10. What suit(s) will you have?
None. Without a room to dump shit in (not literally) I will be leaving the Equium partial at home. Where it shall sob fuzzy lonely tears.
11. Can I dance with you?
No. Three reasons - 1) I can't dance, 2) I don't want to dance, 3) I won't be dancing.
12. Can I touch you?
I will permit this but you will need to at least buy me a drink or eight.
13. Can I talk to you?
Yes but don't get scared if I mention dangerous boring words like football, flags or Kidderminster.
14. Can I hug you?
Yes but if your hug lasts for over 9 seconds I can legally bite your nose.
15. Can I take photos of you/with you?
You will need a strong spirit and a stronger lens.
16. Can I buy you lots of drinks?
Anything fewer than lots I will consider a personal insult.
16a. Favorite drinks?
Most spirits doused in something fizzy, or milky liqueurs, Kopparberg, Rekorderlig, or pizza.
17. Do you drink Alcohol/Smoke?
I smoke alcohol.
18. Can I give you lots of money?
I will gladly take your "lots of money" before giving you some back as you clearly have mental issues and need help.
19. Can I hang out with you?
Make sure you have upgraded to a mind that doesn't get offended by aggressive sarcasm or ribcage-destroying puns.
20. How will I recognize you?
This is a BRITISH con and I accept only BRITISH spelling.
21. Where will you be most of the time during the con?
If Travel West Midlands are anything to go by I shall probably spend most of time on the bus, inching closer to the con through the labyrinth of red lights that litter Stechford and Yardley.
22. Who are you rooming with?
I am a lonely fox.
23. Attending any events?
I will, on the condition they're better than last year's events.
24. How can I find you at the con?
Telegram me, tweet me or just lean out of a window and enjoy a good shout.
25. Are you doing anything in line with the theme?
Haven't even read the book. I am going to dress in time travel-related outfits and just say I've come from a con of the future.
I shall be stopping off at a Cash & Carry pre-con so there will be something sloshing around for room parties and the like. ^^
have fun!