Money issues suck -.-;
I have my AA, working on my AMT, and I have nearly 15 years of service industry and management experience, yet here I am about to apply as an assistant at Dairy Queen. Jobs are hard to come by nowadays, and money is scarce.

Last month, I completely crumbled cos of my depression. Money is tight, I literally have no life, even the bare basics for an existance is absent and my entire life is wake, game, internet, sleep, repeat doing the same thing since October 12th (the day I was kicked out of my other house by a landwhore who I really, REALLY wanna give a slow painful death to for destroying what little essense of life I've ever had... But that's just my usual MO to people I resent with a fiery vengence). I completely snapped after a week long spiral of being down. I broke down crying and even begging my husband to let me kill myself, to make all the suffering stop and to let me be at peace for once in my life. Then, shortly after this, the side of me I was forced to use for so long got its second wing, I punched a wall three times (didn't feel a thing, just wanted to beat something) and got out of it. I realized that, for all my depression trying to destroy me, it'd not do me any good to curl up and die. That'd make me weak, powerless (and I hate being powerless). I've been fine since, but I'm aware I'll relapse another time and it'll likely make me cut/stab myself to feel pain and feel real (you have no idea how little feeling I really have. Pain's literally the only thing keeping me aware I'm a biological creature else I'd be sure I'm a homunculus). If I'm lucky, I'll have gained a life before that happens and it'd set me back on pulling away from it all.

My point is, sitting there and being depressed isn't gonna do you any good. You can cut and bleed and cry and get smashed up by a truck you hit by jumping into a main road all you want, but then you'll just be wounded/crippled and miserable. Or dead and completely unaware of the fact your life will then forever be remembered as miserable (you never hear people say suicide victims lead a great life, they always focus on how they can't believe they'd do it. The negative, not the positive). Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to pull your head out your ass otherwise you'll still keep getting the shit kicked out of you. There's plenty of ways of making money, both legal and illegal. Better to be busy and cry online than to be busy crying alone, ya know?

My suggestion is to find a new therapist. If your current one knows you need the therapy and isn't doing their job, get an appointment with someone else.

Also I love your art and went looking especially for it this morning.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know how it feels to be stressed and not knowing what to do. But i'm proud cuz u kept on going! Don't forget we love you!