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Yearning
16 years ago
I am so bored and frustrated.
When I look the work I must do I want to puke. I have stopped reading, watching TV, playing computer games - everything I did for entertainment. I don't go out with friends because I realized that I don't have any - maximum I have is "people I know". None of them knows who I really am. And if they knew they would probably distance themselves from me.
Only talking to my online friends brings some happiness into my dull days. Although I have never met them personally, they know who I am. They are the same. They understand. They support and comfort me but this has temporary effect only. But it makes it possible to live through another dull day.
I put my hope into trip to USA. Hopefully it changes things. But there is lots of things, lots of dull days and boring work separating me from it now - closest time I can attempt it is in summer. Not so far, yes, if you are happy. I am not.
What I am yearning for, you may ask. Isn't my current life exactly the same as it was year ago, two years ago - when I didn't feel like that, so bored and frustrated? Shouldn't I be thankful that I have work now when economic depression makes many other people lose their jobs?
I could continue living this life - I have nothing against my work, it is relatively interesting and brings cash. But something very big and very important is missing from my life. I need someone. A mate, soulmate, someone who knows who I am and accepts me as I am.
“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”
Richard Bach
I don't want to be alone any longer.
I want to thank the following people who have offered me much support during these hard times and made me happier:
Pokeypony
puppy962
Momiji436
When I look the work I must do I want to puke. I have stopped reading, watching TV, playing computer games - everything I did for entertainment. I don't go out with friends because I realized that I don't have any - maximum I have is "people I know". None of them knows who I really am. And if they knew they would probably distance themselves from me.
Only talking to my online friends brings some happiness into my dull days. Although I have never met them personally, they know who I am. They are the same. They understand. They support and comfort me but this has temporary effect only. But it makes it possible to live through another dull day.
I put my hope into trip to USA. Hopefully it changes things. But there is lots of things, lots of dull days and boring work separating me from it now - closest time I can attempt it is in summer. Not so far, yes, if you are happy. I am not.
What I am yearning for, you may ask. Isn't my current life exactly the same as it was year ago, two years ago - when I didn't feel like that, so bored and frustrated? Shouldn't I be thankful that I have work now when economic depression makes many other people lose their jobs?
I could continue living this life - I have nothing against my work, it is relatively interesting and brings cash. But something very big and very important is missing from my life. I need someone. A mate, soulmate, someone who knows who I am and accepts me as I am.
“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”
Richard Bach
I don't want to be alone any longer.
I want to thank the following people who have offered me much support during these hard times and made me happier:
Pokeypony
puppy962
Momiji436
but some of us are alone even in crowded rooms.
I know that feeling for so many times I have been in crowded rooms, full of people I know, me pretending that I have good time and yet deep inside feeling the distance that separates me from them.