everything is an illusion,or a dream depending on how you look at things.

The difference is how you choose to live the dream.

If you choose to give up and let things be as they are and convince yourself that's all there is,then that's all there will ever be.

If you decide to make the change,you change the dream.

Really our lives are exactly what we let them be regardless of our circumstances.

So what should I do?
How to get out of this cycle and trap? I don't know any more.

that's not a question I or anyone else can answer for you,that's a question you will have to look inside yourself to find.

Really most of us already know the answers to the hardest questions we face,we just are so conditioned to live by fear of failing,or fear of what others will think,or fear of leaving other behind,that we fail ourselves in the process of being afraid of everything.

Then other times we look to others for the answers so we can make ourselves not feel the blame or responsibility to ourselves the problem is NObody should ask or depend on ANYbody else to tell them how they should live their life or their dream.

It is ours to live,and we must do with it what we can,and no matter what we do,who we ask or how we live,its up to us to be happy....not up to others to tell us how to be happy.

I have been trying so hard during last months and seemingly made progress... until now when I understood that I am at exactly the same place I was when I wrote my first journal. Only half year older again.

But I will continue trying. It is people like you who give me the strength to continue trying.

*Nuzzles*

Try not to be completely crushed by life. It takes time sometimes, but things do get better! Believe me.

I try and try.

And also try to remember when was the time point when my life went wrong way.

Well, if you let it get to you things can get very bad. I survived a suicide attempt. I've now learned to balance and hold on.