You are an amazing person, and it makes me sad to see you limit yourself to this. I've been in this place, that hole where you feel like it will be impossible to ever get your heart back from the person you gave it to and gave it to so readily and eagerly. You wanted them to love you so bad and you loved them so much that it almost hurt. That wonderful destructive kind of love that consumes everything and makes you into the person you are.

That is the kind of love that consumes you and doesn't let you exist with it.

I was with someone for many years who I loved like that. I let them push me aside, I let them do everything they wanted to me because I thought that they would always come back to me at the end of the day, and then one day she didn't. She left me and immediately got engaged to someone else and left be behind and never spoke to me again.

I thought I would die. I thought about dying a lot.

But 5 years later I'm in a totally different part of my life, I'm moving forward. I'm getting married. I'm in love again, and this time it's the kind of love that lifts me up and enhances everything about me. It lets me be myself and makes me a better person, but doesn't destroy me and isn't all that I am.

You can find that too, and you will. You are someone to be cherished and cared for. One day you will be someone's one and only and it will be more than this. I promise, one day you will find your light in the dark and this too will be just a memory. Don't give up hope, you are such an incredible and amazingly sweet person. Someone will appreciate that some day. They will.

I appreciate the response, but she is a person I don't think I can be without, she is not some one who fooled me or was bad, she understood me when so many others did not, she also stayed by my side through times when I was depressed and blind.

You are trying to uplift me without the context of the situation, the song is sad, but every lyric is the thoughts in my head, but it is also a happy song when you realize that she is amazing as a person.

Every person has good bits and bad bits, you have to look past the things you don't like if the good parts are great... she saw past my problems are loved me anyway, at least she did... I hope she still does...

Oh sweety, I'm so sorry. I'm sure she's not a bad person, I'm actually pretty sure she isn't because of the kind words you had to say about her. I wish there was something I could do to help you mend, but only time can do that unfortunately. If there is anything at all that I can do please do not hesitate to contact me.

I'm sorry if I was out of line, I really do just want the best for you and to see you happy. I didn't mean to take anything out of context or make anyone seem like the bad guy. I just think that when a door shuts a window opens, and sometimes the window has a better view.

I hope things work out for the best, and that you find our peace with this.

It's ok, I know you were not trying to belittle her, but the context is not there cause I am not willing to lay it all out in this journal.

To be honest, there is only a door for me right now, and she is the only one with the key, but thank you love.

*hugs*

I'm really bad at words for things like this.

I still have hope that the doctors can put you back together. I'm gonna keep hoping.

As for love... It's a tricky thing, that. I do believe that people can care deeply about others without taking that dive into romantic love. Maybe that just makes it all the more tricky. All this love, but in a non-romantic way, can get so complicated. I'm glad she made you feel like a King. If I had my choice you'd feel that way everyday regardless. You're just... You're my Puppy.

I've been busy and stressed. I'm sorry we haven't talked as much as we have in the past. I loves you and I miss you though.

**hugs**

If I could just snap my fingers and make you a happy and healthy Puppy, I would.

To be up front, I've made an observation for myself years ago. For me it was, if you go looking for love you'll never find it. Eventually, I just stopped caring only to realize that it's one of those things that'll just come to you. It's always best to just welcome it as it comes and if it decide to leave, then perhaps it is for the best. I still enjoy the time for what it was as it has been a learning experience like no other. The down side is that me just letting it go has put me in a class where it seems like I really don't care, but the truth is that if it's going to happen, it's best to just not let it bother me.

That's just been my experience. As for songs suiting people, I've always felt that somewhere somehow "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica fits me the most.

Actually agree with Daemon.. but to use my own words and to express how I feel:

I'm glad you have someone you feel you love and has made you feel better. That's great.
And I know it's hard and that I haven't heard the specifics, but because I've been through my own hard times and almost died twice, I want to say what I learned from that which is... never give up. Even when you're so done and it's all hopeless and pointless, take that tiny step for life, do that tiny gesture to show yourself if no one else that you are still trying to live, even if a moment longer. Life is precious and unpredictable, you gotta fight to stick around a little longer to know what's going to happen next.
Everyone who has (for different reasons) almost died and survived agree that staying alive longer was worth it.
I'm not asking you to move mountains - I'm asking you to at the very least think that you're gonna make it, you're gonna fight. Even if you think it's a lie, sometimes smiling when you don't feel like it actually does make you feel better... been there, felt stupid, did it anyway, and it did help after awhile.
You said that you envy me for being able to do martial arts - a big part of that is having a fighting spirit. Show me that you got it, because I know you do.
Not sure have I asked many things of you, but there's one thing I will ask, the only thing I ask, a thing I'd trade/give up friendship with you if I had to; that you never stop trying, never stop fighting to live. Not for me, but for yourself. You're not worthless and you never have been, you're more valuable than words can express, and I want to see you fight to live and feel worthwhile.

"Never think you’re nothing. Never tell yourself you’ll never be good enough. Because to someone, you’re everything. To someone, you’re gorgeous. To someone, you are the world."

I'm not good at starting conversations, I'm good at responding and having a conversation... and we mostly talk with an audience or friends around, so we don't often get into personal or deep topics of conversation. But a few years back when I found you and your art, it was one of the most uplifting things that you liked my art and me back. I was in a bad place and felt like nothing, and someone who I saw as great thinking highly of me helped so much.
You've helped heal broken parts of me, and I'm going to always remember and be grateful for that. You saw worth in me when I couldn't see a damn thing worth liking.

And I'm telling you. You mean a lot to me, there's not a long list of people I actually care about... but you are on that list of people I care for. You matter to me, and I will miss you when you're gone. I will remember this kind and funny guy who drew great stuff and way too many gifts for me. Because that's who you are to me, and it's not that I don't see the bad stuff... I see it, and this is my judgement of you regardless.

Don't give up hun. I'm not giving up on you. <3 I know it's hard and feels hopeless, but you might surprise us all, even yourself, by outliving the time you think you have.

Don't give up.. hang in there. I know fighting is hard and it is so difficult to work though all the big mountains that get thrown in your way but you are not done yet.
Keep your head up, you are a good guy after all.

I love you !

*crawls into lap and breathes a sigh of relife, licks your hand and purrs*

I believe that the person is still there beside you, may not always be shown on a daily basis but the feeling is still there nonetheless. In the past I have been trying to show you that every dark rain cloud has a silver lining. It seems like you are finally seeing it. Yes, your life has been very harsh that a lot of people can't fathom to understand all that has happened...but the silver lining is that you have found numerous people who deeply care about you. Even having that one that has made you feel like a king should make you realize how you truly are treasured no matter how much you think you are worthless. You are shown this every day when people enter your streams.

I do agree with other points that have been made brought up earlier within the comments. Love is something that comes to you on it's own time, if you look for it then you will only cause disaster for yourself in the end. I am not just talking about romantic love either, I mean love in general such as the love among friends or relatives.

As for your health and life, do not give up. How many times have you been told to rest or come back to a picture later when your body starts aching, yet you continue on until it is completely done? More than you actually realize. Use that to keep fighting for more time to be alive, no matter how difficult the road is. I know you have it in you, as do others, so use it to your advantage.