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More life updates and how I think
10 years ago
General
I'll start of with the simple things and get to the more important stuff at the end.
Some might know already about the doves nesting in a tree next to my window for 3 years now. Sadly this year the nest fell apart and the chicks fell out one by one when I wasn't around. Last Friday the neighbors suddenly chopped off the top of the tree, so I'm afraid that the doves won't nest in that tree ever again.
Same Friday I finally got that one doujin that kuroma made with another Japanese artist. First time I order something like that. The book was really cheap but in comparison the shipping costs were pretty ridiculous. The book itself (with added costs from Alice Books) was just around €5,- while the shipping costs were roughly €31,- on top of that so that was kinde surprising. It's simply a bit too expensive for me. So yea, first time ordering stuff from Japan.
As for my study, I have to work alone on something everyone else works in groups of 2 again, despite me trying to find someone to work with as early as possible. Now I have to work on a presentation for Tuesday, so I'll be busy again.
At the same time there's a little contest thingy kuroma is doing now that ends at the 7th of june, this one: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16693521/. So that's something I really want to draw something for (while having several other unfinished works), but I don't know if I will manage to with how slow I am and this class needing more attention as usual. It's hard finding balance in my day...
Today was also my Dutch grandfather's (my father's father) birthday, he became 80. I was at his birthday party with my brother and his gilfriend today and almost all my grandfather's relatives came. Sadly he won't be around for long as he got lung cancer a few months back because of the exposure to asbestus he got through his life. He didn't look too terrible besides having lost his voice but sadly he won't even be around for the last few months he has, because he will go and do... that. It will happen coming week apparently.
I didn't had much contact with him or the rest of my father's side of our family, it's still feels weird that I will now lose my other grandfather as well. Now I feel bad that I couldn't even understand the last words he had for me.
I guess for last, the way I act, the way I think:
I always feel like I'm falling behind everyone. With everything really but for my study and art it hits me the most.
It's like everyone gets through things with ease while I do my best, yet I keep falling behind while everyone quickly rises above me.
It's not always the reality of things but it is how it feels for me and in many cases still seems more real than not.
Some might know already about the doves nesting in a tree next to my window for 3 years now. Sadly this year the nest fell apart and the chicks fell out one by one when I wasn't around. Last Friday the neighbors suddenly chopped off the top of the tree, so I'm afraid that the doves won't nest in that tree ever again.
Same Friday I finally got that one doujin that kuroma made with another Japanese artist. First time I order something like that. The book was really cheap but in comparison the shipping costs were pretty ridiculous. The book itself (with added costs from Alice Books) was just around €5,- while the shipping costs were roughly €31,- on top of that so that was kinde surprising. It's simply a bit too expensive for me. So yea, first time ordering stuff from Japan.
As for my study, I have to work alone on something everyone else works in groups of 2 again, despite me trying to find someone to work with as early as possible. Now I have to work on a presentation for Tuesday, so I'll be busy again.
At the same time there's a little contest thingy kuroma is doing now that ends at the 7th of june, this one: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16693521/. So that's something I really want to draw something for (while having several other unfinished works), but I don't know if I will manage to with how slow I am and this class needing more attention as usual. It's hard finding balance in my day...
Today was also my Dutch grandfather's (my father's father) birthday, he became 80. I was at his birthday party with my brother and his gilfriend today and almost all my grandfather's relatives came. Sadly he won't be around for long as he got lung cancer a few months back because of the exposure to asbestus he got through his life. He didn't look too terrible besides having lost his voice but sadly he won't even be around for the last few months he has, because he will go and do... that. It will happen coming week apparently.
I didn't had much contact with him or the rest of my father's side of our family, it's still feels weird that I will now lose my other grandfather as well. Now I feel bad that I couldn't even understand the last words he had for me.
I guess for last, the way I act, the way I think:
I always feel like I'm falling behind everyone. With everything really but for my study and art it hits me the most.
It's like everyone gets through things with ease while I do my best, yet I keep falling behind while everyone quickly rises above me.
It's not always the reality of things but it is how it feels for me and in many cases still seems more real than not.
feels kinda sad to hear from your grandfather doing towards his end, and it sucks that you could not find a team worker and need to do everything alone.
For the Doves i can only say its really sad of what happend. But that how fate is. I personally sometimes
do not like how fate acts out and takes some lives like 'random' I guess everything has a deeper purpose but I dont see it. Lets hope the next Doves find a better nest place if that tree is no longer there option.
You know a nest that wont get damaged and so the little onces wont fall out.
All in all I do wish you good luck and sorry that I missed you on Steam.
*gives you a hug*
At least I got to hear that about my grandfather just after the party ended, I actually managed to study a lot during that day as food was only served at the end so I guess that's a positive thing. Studied a lot on that day. Also I got to talk to part of my father's side of the family, although as usual I forgot their names already.
Made me think about the positive things, thanks!
Man, when I lost my grandparents it was... weird. Very weird. I felt surprisingly little emotion for some of them, though I didn't know those well. I was very emotional when my grandmother who lived next door passed, I was quite close to her.
And sometimes, things change. Sometimes you figure it out. For years in college, I always felt like I was learning the classes, but always after the big test. Or big project. Or class final. So success wasn't reflected in the grades. It probably didn't help that I had other interests that just didn't gel with the classes, but eventually I just got better with it and managed to pull things out of the fire. Stick with it, it'll come.
Yea same for me with my Polish grandfather, I still think about him sometimes but than I realize that he's gone. I also had a great grandmother so was healthy in mind to the end, I guess i was really childish than and afterwards busy with study and never realized how much she appreciated our company.
Luckily my Dutch grandfather didn't go yet, he finally got the attention from his relatives. My Dutch grandmother isn't in a good state either, my grandfather was the healthy caretaker until the lung cancer happened.
I guess I do can see that I learned some things in my study and indeed it's never during the classes that I feel like that but afterwards when something the same comes up I do. For now I stopped with the classes which I will go more into detail in the next journal.