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Ramblings...
10 years ago
General
Its been a while since I updated things. Well 2015 started out crappy and it continues.
I going to be making a life choice(s) soon it seems. How things go from there is anyone's guess. Right now I am stagnant and going no where. Need to get out of this hole I am in. How it happens is anyone's guess.
Please don't tell me I have friends that can help, that is semi true, but they don't know what goes on in my mind when I am left to think alone, and left alone. I have never been a very outgoing person, and I accept that. I have been alone before, and while not idea it was ok. I have acquaintances and friends online to help with anytime I am bored or if anyone wants to chat at me. I seem to be the one that everyone tells the stories to, the one they confide in, the one that others seem to know that I won't spill anything to other, and they are right. I won't spill secrets its not my way, but being empathic, who do I turn to? Who can I talk to about things and they will listen, and not just agree to what I say.
I guess what I am getting at is that I am a stranger to my friends and I have no family of my own. I can count on 1 hand true RL friends. That is pretty bad.
I am not asking for others to comfort me. I am beyond that. I want a way out of my depth of sadness and debt. I am trying really hard to get above the water line, but I am still sunk and even though I make headway in it, it still weighs on me.
I don't sleep well, 4-5 hours sleep lately, and thats not cause of all that I am anxious about or stressing. Bodily I have not been 100% ok. I am a diabetic (Own fault and genetic), I have OA and RA arthritis. I have lower back pain, I have hip and knee issues, and I have as well a case of depression. Yes I said it. I am depressed. The way my life has turned out, the negtives that have happened in it. The way that no mater what I do, seems to still go wrong. Before I go too long and lengthy, as rambling can go.
I just want to say that I am trying, but is it enough? Time will tell.
life choice(s) are coming, if I like them or not.
I am the kind of person that worries too much, cares too much, heart on his sleeve, and thats what I have always been.
(FYI, any bs about its in my head, or negative stuff like that may get you defriended, just a warning.)
I going to be making a life choice(s) soon it seems. How things go from there is anyone's guess. Right now I am stagnant and going no where. Need to get out of this hole I am in. How it happens is anyone's guess.
Please don't tell me I have friends that can help, that is semi true, but they don't know what goes on in my mind when I am left to think alone, and left alone. I have never been a very outgoing person, and I accept that. I have been alone before, and while not idea it was ok. I have acquaintances and friends online to help with anytime I am bored or if anyone wants to chat at me. I seem to be the one that everyone tells the stories to, the one they confide in, the one that others seem to know that I won't spill anything to other, and they are right. I won't spill secrets its not my way, but being empathic, who do I turn to? Who can I talk to about things and they will listen, and not just agree to what I say.
I guess what I am getting at is that I am a stranger to my friends and I have no family of my own. I can count on 1 hand true RL friends. That is pretty bad.
I am not asking for others to comfort me. I am beyond that. I want a way out of my depth of sadness and debt. I am trying really hard to get above the water line, but I am still sunk and even though I make headway in it, it still weighs on me.
I don't sleep well, 4-5 hours sleep lately, and thats not cause of all that I am anxious about or stressing. Bodily I have not been 100% ok. I am a diabetic (Own fault and genetic), I have OA and RA arthritis. I have lower back pain, I have hip and knee issues, and I have as well a case of depression. Yes I said it. I am depressed. The way my life has turned out, the negtives that have happened in it. The way that no mater what I do, seems to still go wrong. Before I go too long and lengthy, as rambling can go.
I just want to say that I am trying, but is it enough? Time will tell.
life choice(s) are coming, if I like them or not.
I am the kind of person that worries too much, cares too much, heart on his sleeve, and thats what I have always been.
(FYI, any bs about its in my head, or negative stuff like that may get you defriended, just a warning.)
I don't claim that I'm depressed, and I do not have the health issues you do, but I would guess that our levels of stress aren't that disparate.
Two things that often help me that I wanted to relay to you.
On the issue of lack of sleep, or rather the related being tired all the time - if you need a pick me up, or just something to help wake you up and stay awake, try eating an apple. Assuming that would not mess with your diabetes too much.
High stress levels tend to burn B vitamins out of your system. Taking a supplement of B vitamins can drastically help no only improve your mood, but also help you maintain an even keel with your moods.
These are just things that tend to help me. Hopefully they can be of some use to you as well.
Best wishes, and zhai'helleva, Silvax.
The diabetes is undercontrol at least I am glad of that.
I have always had a hard time to shut down my mind enough to sleep. Sleeping pills mess with me too much as well.
Many different things I have explored to try and relax.
too many things happened in my past I won't talk about here either.
Thank you.