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Broken
10 years ago
I just wanted all of you to know that I've been feeling terribly suicidal. Just completely crushed and worn down that I start crying uncontrollably randomly. So much has spiraled out of control the last few months and it's crushing me to the point I'm just a withered husk with so much hurt and emptiness inside. I'm crying just writing this thing. I dunno what to do or how I'm going to make it out of this. Just know that no matter what happens I love you all. You've been very kind to me and showed me support when I felt I had none.
I know it doesn't seem like it right now, because I've been in that dark place too, but things can and will get better, I promise. It really hurts, I know, and the only thing you may want to do is curl up in a ball and fade out of existence, but all things will pass, even this! Find the things in life that give you strength and hope; you are a talented, lovely, wonderful person and there are many people who genuinely care for and about you. Take that to heart. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, we all need a helping hand to get through the hard times.
1. While suicide may end up sounding appealing, especially when things are tough, always remember that it should ALWAYS only be your absolute last possible option. You still have options, and you still have things that can and will improve. You may feel like you're in a rut now, but in 5 years you're going to be facepalming when you look back at this and wondering why you thought it. Whether you believe in a higher order or not, it just is not physically possible for things to keep sucking royally and not stop for the rest of your life. Why miss out on all the good things in the future just because life sucks now?
2. Always remember that, whether you like it or not, there are always people that rely on you, but just as importantly, there are also people you can rely on to help. They may not be obvious, and they may be tough to pick out of the crowd sometimes, but there ARE people who can and will have your back. So not only do you have people who would be worse off from your passing, but you have people that can help YOU be better off as well.
3. The fact you posted this on here, a site full of strangers, shows me that you don't really want to do this. You're feeling overwhelmed, you're beaten, and you want to give up, but always remember this: You're feeling this way due to real life problems, not due to a mental illness like clinical depression. This means the problems CAN be tackled and CAN be fixed, and even if you don't think that's feasible, they WILL be temporary. It might be hard to either fix the problems now, or to hold out until you can fix them, but you CAN do it. If I could get through the things I've had to live through, you can, too. So just hang in there.
If you need to talk, drop me a line. If not, then steel yourself up and keep on trucking. I KNOW you can do it.