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Unfamiliar Territory (Breakup Journal)
10 years ago
So, I know a few peeps already know this from my twitter, but myself and Cooper are no longer together. It wasn't the prettiest break, but it was civil. She's staying with friends for now til she finds her footing. Things have admittedly been in decline for years, and we grew apart. And while I know things hurt now, I really think we'll both be better off for this, and I do honestly wish her the best, and that she comes out of this stronger and happier than she ever was with me.
I ask that nobody entertain the idea of slinging any negativity her way. She's probably hurting kinda bad right now, and she would be way better off with people raising her up rather than putting her down.
As for myself, I'm hurting a little at the moment. We went for 11 and a half years, and while part of me came to terms with this eventuality a while back, I don't think anyone gets out of something like this unscathed. This is also the first time in my life I've ever actually lived alone, making this even more weird. Over the years I'd sorta reprogrammed myself for what I perceived to be her needs, constantly weighing things on what I knew she liked or disliked, putting her first before everything. I didn't do the best job at that, for sure, but it was a major part of who I was. But now I've really only got myself to live for, and I realize I need to reprogram myself again. I'm still catching myself thinking of what her preferences are when I'm out shopping for groceries, or asking myself if there are things she'd want me to pick up while I'm out, or little alarms going off in my head when I consider something that might make her the last bit upset. Vestigial, redundant programming I don't need anymore.
But as I work to start to scour these old thought patterns, I realize I'm not even sure what the hell I want. I've got the vaguest sense of my own preferences and desires, but currently I'm a bit lost. Tabula rasa, to a degree. Tabula... ignotus? I dunno, this shit's all new to me.
(Also, before anyone asks, I'm off the market for now, don't get excited)
I'm trying to keep my head up, staying hopeful. After all, I'm a free man now, so to speak, and I've still got a lot of good friends I can turn to. I'm still optimistic for the future, still capable of smiling and laughing. I've got a lot of self-discovery ahead of me. I'm not broken. And even though I failed Cooper, I'm not a failure myself.
So....yeah. That's what's been going on. I'll get to posting my work again soon, I just gotta finish up a few more older pics I haven't coloured yet, but I'm taking a few days to recover before I get back to work on that stuff. Gotta make sure I'm okay, first.
*takes a deep, cleansing breath, and clicks Create*
COMMISSIONS (the fullsize huge scenes, not the ones I'm doing nowadays)
1/ Rogern (inked, restarting colour)
2/ 9Lion (pencilled, plus one other)
3/ Mechaman
4/ Chazore (pencilled)
5/ yutrah (inked)
6/ rageki (inked)
7/ Twitch The Dragon (inked)
8/ Kipeo
9/ Opeoaslam
I ask that nobody entertain the idea of slinging any negativity her way. She's probably hurting kinda bad right now, and she would be way better off with people raising her up rather than putting her down.
As for myself, I'm hurting a little at the moment. We went for 11 and a half years, and while part of me came to terms with this eventuality a while back, I don't think anyone gets out of something like this unscathed. This is also the first time in my life I've ever actually lived alone, making this even more weird. Over the years I'd sorta reprogrammed myself for what I perceived to be her needs, constantly weighing things on what I knew she liked or disliked, putting her first before everything. I didn't do the best job at that, for sure, but it was a major part of who I was. But now I've really only got myself to live for, and I realize I need to reprogram myself again. I'm still catching myself thinking of what her preferences are when I'm out shopping for groceries, or asking myself if there are things she'd want me to pick up while I'm out, or little alarms going off in my head when I consider something that might make her the last bit upset. Vestigial, redundant programming I don't need anymore.
But as I work to start to scour these old thought patterns, I realize I'm not even sure what the hell I want. I've got the vaguest sense of my own preferences and desires, but currently I'm a bit lost. Tabula rasa, to a degree. Tabula... ignotus? I dunno, this shit's all new to me.
(Also, before anyone asks, I'm off the market for now, don't get excited)
I'm trying to keep my head up, staying hopeful. After all, I'm a free man now, so to speak, and I've still got a lot of good friends I can turn to. I'm still optimistic for the future, still capable of smiling and laughing. I've got a lot of self-discovery ahead of me. I'm not broken. And even though I failed Cooper, I'm not a failure myself.
So....yeah. That's what's been going on. I'll get to posting my work again soon, I just gotta finish up a few more older pics I haven't coloured yet, but I'm taking a few days to recover before I get back to work on that stuff. Gotta make sure I'm okay, first.
*takes a deep, cleansing breath, and clicks Create*
COMMISSIONS (the fullsize huge scenes, not the ones I'm doing nowadays)
1/ Rogern (inked, restarting colour)
2/ 9Lion (pencilled, plus one other)
3/ Mechaman
4/ Chazore (pencilled)
5/ yutrah (inked)
6/ rageki (inked)
7/ Twitch The Dragon (inked)
8/ Kipeo
9/ Opeoaslam
Just take it day by day.
Wish you the best
I had to read that line a few times cause... who the hell would hit on you after this? Uhg.
I wish you a speedy emotional recovery, and offer what little support I can as just one in many watchers.
And thank you for the kind wishes. I'll get through this
I knew this moment was coming...
Our fates are intertwiiiined o_o"
...
You got me good there :)
At least it was a civil ending, but you're right that nobody would get out of something like this unscathed.
I wish you and her the best going forward.
Glad to hear it was civil though. These things usually go with so much drama.
Um... I would offer some advice but I don't really have any. Sorry. Try to enjoy it? The newfound freedom, I mean? Be with your friends, that sort of stuff. But you probably already figured that out.
Especially after such a long time...
It's best to grieve and get it over with.
I personally haven't went throught it yet, but I had a friend who did...
So, Goodluck...
You've got me on Skype if you need someone to chew at though, but you take care of yourself.
-Strigon
Also, try not to fall into a pit here since your place may be very, very quiet now. It can make people end up feeling lonely, as they were used to the commotion of other people at their home.
Best of Luck.
Also, about "off the market", I can't imagine anyone who'd be that tactless to hit on you after a tragedy like this. oO
I hope you feel better soon.
Best of luck to you and hopefully you'll figure out what to do next with a positive outlook!
Best wishes, hope everything gets better soon.
Life is too short for hate, bitterness, and spite. An altruistic attitude is more fulfilling and satisfying anyways. I did what I could to try to lift her up and make her better. I just really fucked that up. Took me far too long to realize that, but it is what it is, and we'll both be better off without eachother, painful as it is to say
I'm trying to keep a clear head and a sense of perspective on this one. I've done enough damage as it is, I don't think anyone needs any more
Yeah, take a moment and try to get your life back together. You should go out on social gatherings, it isn't a good idea to be along for a while (not in a relationship way but I mean that you should hang out with friends to help ease the pain)
even though I may just be a stranger, I honestly wish you the best
I know we've spoke only a few times but I hope it means something that I'm here for ya
*plays uplifting music*
What kind of person reads about a breakup and immediately goes "OH HEY HE'S SINGLE NOW'S MY CHANCE". I mean seriously.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I've known at least one guy that deliberately set out to break two people up, just so he could have one of them... ugh. I just don't understand people.
I say: "I guess" because I love being single. Have been for the past 16 years. 11 years sounds like such a chore to me. I get tired of people quick, regardless of how cool they are. My longest relationship was three...weeks, and by the second week I was openly flirting with her best friend in front of her. Geez...11 friggin' years though. I couldn't imagine it, but I bet your whole world has flipped end over end. Hang in there man.
Hang in there and know you got people who care about you.
Glad to know you're more or less doing fine, though c:
its going to take awhile for sure but you will get there, its odd how even when your not together anymore you mind still thinks of their needs then its like
" wait a second.."
The only thing i can think of is probably; Time cure anything. Take your time, and hang out with tour friends!
I wish you the best man.
Sorry if that sounded a little choppy I'm not to good with motivation and cheering people up
But you know the great thing about shit situations? They don't last forever (typically).
I know this might not be helpful right now, because hurt seems to prevail when these things happen. I'm not trying to coddle you, just that as much as you are not a failure, an end of a relationship doesn't mean you did something wrong, it just means things changed. For better or worse, that's for you to decide.
All I can say - is that it will get better.. You both need time apart and sooner or later I'm positive you'll both remain very good friends.
Stay positive. Stay happy.
You'll find your way again and you will be better for it. Take care
.... I'm glad to have heard from you at all. I really missed ya. Thanks ^^
Best wishes to you and all of yours.
But you're free to learn who you are now. And your life can only get better when you're living it for yourself.
You'll be okay. You'll be better than okay. Keep your chin up.
I can't imagine how hard rejusting is, but you can do it.
Time heals wounds, and allows for better self evaluation.
The adjustment is not easy, not going to sugar coat, but it gets easier with time. Good luck
Can't say much else, since I don't know either of you, nor know anything about your relationship, nor have I had much relationship experience.
But I'm sure that, no matter what, it sucks. :/
Hopefully no drama comes from this, and hopefully things'll be well mended and y'all can still be close.
Hopefully things will be getting better in the future.
Watch out for the temptation for a rebound mate though.
I think it's best to learn to be at peace with yourself before you find another.
Thought I'd offer my condolences and well wishes to you, for finding footing for any and all future endeavors.
Good luck to you, sir.
Stock up on tasty snacks and dinners, keep busy, and process as you unwind each day
But that doesn’t mean it’s all impossible.
I can’t say for certain whether you’ve been through something this hard before, but I know you’ve got what it takes to make it through. Not simply out of blind encouragement, either, but for everything you just mentioned in this journal. You’re already headed in the right direction.
The fact that you’re still thinking of Cooper’s wellbeing, even after the split, speaks immense volumes of your character. In a way, it makes me somewhat proud just to have heard of you, even if I’ve never really taken the chance to say much. The two of you are going your separate ways, yes, but simply not harboring any sort of enmity is the first step towards personal recovery. It’s often said that holding onto hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
There’s no shame in not knowing what you want. Rushing that decision can only send you down the wrong path, perhaps towards something that will make you miserable. You’ll realize when you know the answer. Whether that happens to be compatible with your past in any way is irrelevant. Maybe you’ll find that you yourself, individually, really do like doing something the same way you did when you were together, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe you’ll change completely, and that’s alright, too.
I noticed you posted those newer pictures, as well. Good. Art has a certain cathartic effect on the mind, whether for venting emotions, self-discovery, or true self-redefinition, as seems to be the case. Putting those thoughts down and making them concrete, whether verbally or otherwise, is always a well-thought-out first step toward whatever should happen to come next.
You’re already doing what you can. Be confident in that. You have control solely over the independent variables; there’s only so much you can do to determine the dependent ones. Past that point…there isn’t much that’s in your hands alone. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, either. The only certainty is that whatever will happen will happen, be it intention or accident. Often, the only way to survive is to let the future unfold on its own, to react as it happens, and to do your best not to blame yourself for the outcome. Or at least, not wholly.
Accepting a break like this is hard; I should know (kind of). But it never has to be the end for anyone involved. Stay strong.
I’m sorry for rambling, just…you’ll get through it. I know you will.
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.co.....cbd1c161f2.jpg
This is one of those times that its hard to find something to say that doesn't sound cliche or plain stupid, so, y'know... Just take care of yourself for now, take your time, do whatever needs doing and stay strong.
I've applied that to my life and you'd be surprised how many situations it applies to!
You'll get through this, and I think you'll be much stronger for it. Take some time, rediscover yourself, and enjoy your freedom (that goes to both you and Cooper)!
ps Were you thinking of Terra Incognita? Think Iv heard that called terra ignota too.
...And who the fuck would try to hit on you after eleven years of being in a relationship? I'd willingly grind a knife into someone's teeth...
I'd also reference the whole cookie gift I made for you so long ago, but I'm not sure how to tie that in... I'm learning I have a horrible sense of humour.
Please take your time though for now and let me know when you're ready ok?
My husband was in an 11 year relationship before me, I've seen what that can do to a guy, even if the ending was inevitable. At least you two are (or I hope you are) on relatively good terms; "civil" is the best way to shut something down.
Despite our never really getting to know each other well, I think you're a genuine, strong man at heart. I know you can make it.
I'm keeping myself active and social, though, and exploring myself a bit as well. I've got this ^^
I wish you all the best for your mental recovery buddy, and that you will be able to keep going on, and maybe also find the one to spend the rest of your life with.
I wish you peace in your transition and recovery.
Actually for both of you.