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L I F E . . . W H A T I S I T ? ? ?
16 years ago
General
What is life...? Are we really here? If we are, then what are we? What purpose do we have here?
Whatever "life" is, it is so freaking complicated... Through all of the twists and turns, trials and tribulations, ups and downs... you would think that we'd have a break now and again... But we don't. Even on our "breaks", there is so much to deal with.
With me... with my gf... It seems that we never catch a break... Something is always coming up... And to be blamed for everything that comes up... That hurts. That bothers me... Neither of us asked for this... She didn't ask to get sick... I never asked to be banned from class... She never asked to have "friends" that bullshit and use her... I never asked to be thrown aside and told my thoughts don't count...
Sometimes... Sometimes things get too much to bear... There have been times that... I've wanted to go back to my habits... Shut everyone out, don't tell people what I think or how I feel, have a smoke everyday just to get away, a few drinks... to go back to my cutting habits and let everyone see a mask hiding what I really feel... Sometimes, I want to go back and let everyone think everything's ok... That I don't have a problem in the world...
There are moments, hours, days I wonder "Am I even real? Is this some kind of sick joke?" How do we not know if we're really just puppets in a game? That there is someone else pulling strings and watching us just to get a good laugh...?
I mean, there are things, creatures, people even, out there that we cannot see. But we know they're there, even if it's sometimes. so, what does that make us? What are we? Are we even "human"? Or just a figment of our own imaginations that is being played out day by day by agonizing day? For all we may know, we're just game pieces in someone elses chess set. And if that's the case, then there will come a time when we all will be eventually "checkmate"ed But... I guess, for now, we just learn to grin and bear it until that say comes... We'll just live out our so-called "lives" and continue with the day-by-day routines.
There will come a day, though, that one day we will learn who and what we truly are. And maybe, we'll find our own purpose and will be able to free ourselves from the "chess set" that we are placed upon. I'm hoping, for me and and my baby, that day will come soon... I feel it's drawing closer each day. Even so, though, I feel like life is spiraling further and further downwards and we're stuck in a drowning cess pool... But, I believe that's the price we pay for being who/what we are
We live in a world of false truths, false promises. And most of us will sit and believe the BS that come our way. That must be why... I dunno... I guess I think way too much at times... This must be one of those times. But are the thoughts even worth the energy to put into them...? Perhaps...Or perhaps not. It probably depends on who you are and what you want/need.
Right now... I would just like to have a security blanket... A thought I can trust or even believe about life itself. But at the moment, I can't get that, so I'm pretty much stuck in the moment and to deal with my own thoughts. That sucks at times, ya' know... But... Just another thing to learn to deal with. We have to learn to trust ourselves and continue to strive on. Battle the hardships and overcome the stress...
Dear god... so this is why I try not to think to much... Too much thinking will make you crazy... Then again, not enough will make you nuts too... Oh well. Just another trial to deal with. Just another move on the chess board of life. Stress, heartache, pain... It's all something we have to go through and deal with... And that's what we're here for...
Whatever "life" is, it is so freaking complicated... Through all of the twists and turns, trials and tribulations, ups and downs... you would think that we'd have a break now and again... But we don't. Even on our "breaks", there is so much to deal with.
With me... with my gf... It seems that we never catch a break... Something is always coming up... And to be blamed for everything that comes up... That hurts. That bothers me... Neither of us asked for this... She didn't ask to get sick... I never asked to be banned from class... She never asked to have "friends" that bullshit and use her... I never asked to be thrown aside and told my thoughts don't count...
Sometimes... Sometimes things get too much to bear... There have been times that... I've wanted to go back to my habits... Shut everyone out, don't tell people what I think or how I feel, have a smoke everyday just to get away, a few drinks... to go back to my cutting habits and let everyone see a mask hiding what I really feel... Sometimes, I want to go back and let everyone think everything's ok... That I don't have a problem in the world...
There are moments, hours, days I wonder "Am I even real? Is this some kind of sick joke?" How do we not know if we're really just puppets in a game? That there is someone else pulling strings and watching us just to get a good laugh...?
I mean, there are things, creatures, people even, out there that we cannot see. But we know they're there, even if it's sometimes. so, what does that make us? What are we? Are we even "human"? Or just a figment of our own imaginations that is being played out day by day by agonizing day? For all we may know, we're just game pieces in someone elses chess set. And if that's the case, then there will come a time when we all will be eventually "checkmate"ed But... I guess, for now, we just learn to grin and bear it until that say comes... We'll just live out our so-called "lives" and continue with the day-by-day routines.
There will come a day, though, that one day we will learn who and what we truly are. And maybe, we'll find our own purpose and will be able to free ourselves from the "chess set" that we are placed upon. I'm hoping, for me and and my baby, that day will come soon... I feel it's drawing closer each day. Even so, though, I feel like life is spiraling further and further downwards and we're stuck in a drowning cess pool... But, I believe that's the price we pay for being who/what we are
We live in a world of false truths, false promises. And most of us will sit and believe the BS that come our way. That must be why... I dunno... I guess I think way too much at times... This must be one of those times. But are the thoughts even worth the energy to put into them...? Perhaps...Or perhaps not. It probably depends on who you are and what you want/need.
Right now... I would just like to have a security blanket... A thought I can trust or even believe about life itself. But at the moment, I can't get that, so I'm pretty much stuck in the moment and to deal with my own thoughts. That sucks at times, ya' know... But... Just another thing to learn to deal with. We have to learn to trust ourselves and continue to strive on. Battle the hardships and overcome the stress...
Dear god... so this is why I try not to think to much... Too much thinking will make you crazy... Then again, not enough will make you nuts too... Oh well. Just another trial to deal with. Just another move on the chess board of life. Stress, heartache, pain... It's all something we have to go through and deal with... And that's what we're here for...
