My life feels so upside down right now
I don't know what to do, what I want.
Or anything like that
I get that I'm the one making it harder
Because I'm always over thinking things, worried about things
worried about what others think about me
I just don't know what to do now
Like I wanna be happy, but then i'm like
'nope....because then others are gonna be hurt by choices'
and I get reclusive
I also talk to people and find out what they want from life too....
and its not what I want.
Whole life I wanted a family, kids.
and most people i find myself interested in don't want families, don't want kids
so that just makes me back track and I suddenly go reclusive again
god...i'm so messed up int he head...
i'm sorry if you guys read all this.
i really am so sorry that you had to hear me rant and rave about this.

i'm sorry.