So I'm getting an ear infection. I know a lot of people gripe about "self diagnosing," but I've had enough ear infections to know what the beginning of one feels like. lol This one is already off to a terrible start. I'm going to try to hold out for Tuesday since I'm going to a Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist anyway. Otherwise, popping general over the counter NSAIDs(Non-steroidal Antiinflammatory Drug) like Advil.

I'm sketching, but just about had a breakdown and had a small one today. I'm hating my work and feeling like I'm no longer improving. I'm resketching the same pieces over and over and afraid to show them to the commissioners because I feel like I'm going to disappoint them... Disappointing a commissioner is worse than disappointing myself because I like making people happy. Especially with my art.

I also got an email that cut deep comparing me to another artist and being told that I was "almost as good" as them but way cheaper so I'm the "better option financially speaking." .... Yeah, getting nervous and anxious and breaking down may be an overreaction but I've been dropped into a void of self loathing I'm having a terrible time escaping. I haven't eaten today and can't bring myself to as I've felt so sick since last night over this.

To whoever sent the email, I know you probably didn't mean to hurt me and this is more than just what you said. Just please try not to speak like that to any other artist. It's hurtful whether you realize it or not.

Anyway... My mom encouraged me to take a break and watch a movie, "Big Eyes." My heart was stolen by this movie and Margaret Keane's story. It's just... Artist and art appreciator alike should watch it. Heck, movie enthusiasts should watch it!


Well, have a great week, guys.