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News and thoughts.
10 years ago
Plus, I think it's high time I shoved down that downer journal anyway.
This past week has been stupid-busy for me. Partially because I had to present to be dismissed from doing "the most important of civic duties", serving on a jury. The rest of the week was swallowed up by meetings and interviews, with a pleasant side-effect. Beginning Monday, my current job is changing rather drastically. I'll be getting a regular schedule, 40 hours a week, with reliable pay that's almost enough to pay my bills and off of which I can almost live comfortably.
Now, the downside of not having to worry about starvation or homelessness is that, naturally, the majority of my week will now be taken up by earning said wage and associated benefits. Therefore, I'm not really going to have as much time to put words onto digital paper as that to which I've grown accustomed. So for now, particularly until I get used to the new schedule, pieces will come with less than average frequency, which brings me to my second point, though it's less of a point and more of a simple observation.
The rate at which I write is slowing down. I'm sure that it was noticeable toward the end of the last year and the beginning of this one. When I get into a groove and words just come to me, I can actually write faster than I ever have. The thing is, I don't find myself in those states of frantic delirium as often as I used to. Now, don't take this admission as stemming from a dearth of ideas or inspiration. If anything, I have more ideas and seeds for stories than ever. And also don't think that this is going to wind up in a decline in drive to write. I want to write more than I ever have before, due in no small part, I'm certain, to you lovely people. I'm just slowing down.
I've given it as well as the causes for this decrease in productivity a significant amount of thought in the past few months, and while the concrete cause would be almost impossible to dig out of all the heaving tides of variables that affect my life, I've considered one or two that might be the most to blame. As I write, I find myself thinking longer and longer about the piece that is under construction before me, where the narrative is going and where its been, what the characters are feeling and how they might react to certain upcoming situations. It was most obvious during the drafting of one of my recent uploads, Valorie - Resolution. Stupid thing took months to write from inception to publishing.
I might think that all this thought may come from a desire to more thoroughly analyse my own style and perhaps find ways to improve, but that might be absurdity and I could just be a babbling idiot. The rare commissioner or requester might know in more detail how this has changed over the past half-year, considering they have more solid information about when a piece is started and when it's draft is completed. My first commission I wrote in two days. My first request was done in even less time. Back then I could easily churn out a story in a day or two, and I did with gusto. And then the stories started to get longer as I experimented, and the stylistic changes stuck. Sure... it took three or four days to finish a story from first word to the submit button, but I thought that sacrifice a worthwhile one, and I still do.
But then three days turned into five, and then into a week, and then two weeks, and I don't know what the fuck happened. I have in-progress commissions that have been in that state for months, damnit! It's shameful and embarrassing to admit, but it's the truth. The worst part is, they haven't just been sitting there, I've actually been actively working at them for most of that time. But then I rethink what I wrote, change a paragraph and then have to propagate those changes through the rest of the tangled mass of semi-connected words. To be honest, it sort of makes me feel... what's the word... impotent, like I'm missing something and it takes me forever to find it before I can really get into a price and jam out a few thousand words in a couple hours. I feel pretty terrible about it overall, but I'm still trying to find a way around or through it. At least today I managed to write quite a bit, and I'm feeling pretty good about it.
Nnh... I feel like I got a little sidetracked. Oh! I'm going to be fiddling around with, not the way I write stories, as in actually draft them, but the way I organize their creation and the time that goes into them. I might start creating little, super-rough outlines of where I want the story to go in the hopes that a little more structure will keep my mind focused on the task at hand. The end result, if I'm successful, will hopefully be me being able to continue to upload at the rate I've been going at for the past couple months, one every one or one-and-a-half weeks, in spite of having to spend more time at work and not actively writing or staring at a half-completed draft.
Despite all this shenanigan-filled introspection, I'm actually feeling good, really good. If anything, that alone should help mah creative juices continue to flow. Something about the prospect of the security of a regular paycheck does wonders for the sanity, and I'm optimistic for the near future to hurry up and get here.
Sorry for the long-winded whining, and you really don't have to read this if you don't have to (but if you did, Hah!). I see this facet of this website for what it is, a journal, a place to lay down thoughts and observations like this for the future you to perhaps look back on. The fact that this will be shared with a couple other people on the internet, those who might give a hoot about the state of your existence, (or at least what you're capable of putting into their inbox) is just a happy side-effect, I suppose.
I might be back with some more news concerning all this at some later date. Until then, farewell!
This past week has been stupid-busy for me. Partially because I had to present to be dismissed from doing "the most important of civic duties", serving on a jury. The rest of the week was swallowed up by meetings and interviews, with a pleasant side-effect. Beginning Monday, my current job is changing rather drastically. I'll be getting a regular schedule, 40 hours a week, with reliable pay that's almost enough to pay my bills and off of which I can almost live comfortably.
Now, the downside of not having to worry about starvation or homelessness is that, naturally, the majority of my week will now be taken up by earning said wage and associated benefits. Therefore, I'm not really going to have as much time to put words onto digital paper as that to which I've grown accustomed. So for now, particularly until I get used to the new schedule, pieces will come with less than average frequency, which brings me to my second point, though it's less of a point and more of a simple observation.
The rate at which I write is slowing down. I'm sure that it was noticeable toward the end of the last year and the beginning of this one. When I get into a groove and words just come to me, I can actually write faster than I ever have. The thing is, I don't find myself in those states of frantic delirium as often as I used to. Now, don't take this admission as stemming from a dearth of ideas or inspiration. If anything, I have more ideas and seeds for stories than ever. And also don't think that this is going to wind up in a decline in drive to write. I want to write more than I ever have before, due in no small part, I'm certain, to you lovely people. I'm just slowing down.
I've given it as well as the causes for this decrease in productivity a significant amount of thought in the past few months, and while the concrete cause would be almost impossible to dig out of all the heaving tides of variables that affect my life, I've considered one or two that might be the most to blame. As I write, I find myself thinking longer and longer about the piece that is under construction before me, where the narrative is going and where its been, what the characters are feeling and how they might react to certain upcoming situations. It was most obvious during the drafting of one of my recent uploads, Valorie - Resolution. Stupid thing took months to write from inception to publishing.
I might think that all this thought may come from a desire to more thoroughly analyse my own style and perhaps find ways to improve, but that might be absurdity and I could just be a babbling idiot. The rare commissioner or requester might know in more detail how this has changed over the past half-year, considering they have more solid information about when a piece is started and when it's draft is completed. My first commission I wrote in two days. My first request was done in even less time. Back then I could easily churn out a story in a day or two, and I did with gusto. And then the stories started to get longer as I experimented, and the stylistic changes stuck. Sure... it took three or four days to finish a story from first word to the submit button, but I thought that sacrifice a worthwhile one, and I still do.
But then three days turned into five, and then into a week, and then two weeks, and I don't know what the fuck happened. I have in-progress commissions that have been in that state for months, damnit! It's shameful and embarrassing to admit, but it's the truth. The worst part is, they haven't just been sitting there, I've actually been actively working at them for most of that time. But then I rethink what I wrote, change a paragraph and then have to propagate those changes through the rest of the tangled mass of semi-connected words. To be honest, it sort of makes me feel... what's the word... impotent, like I'm missing something and it takes me forever to find it before I can really get into a price and jam out a few thousand words in a couple hours. I feel pretty terrible about it overall, but I'm still trying to find a way around or through it. At least today I managed to write quite a bit, and I'm feeling pretty good about it.
Nnh... I feel like I got a little sidetracked. Oh! I'm going to be fiddling around with, not the way I write stories, as in actually draft them, but the way I organize their creation and the time that goes into them. I might start creating little, super-rough outlines of where I want the story to go in the hopes that a little more structure will keep my mind focused on the task at hand. The end result, if I'm successful, will hopefully be me being able to continue to upload at the rate I've been going at for the past couple months, one every one or one-and-a-half weeks, in spite of having to spend more time at work and not actively writing or staring at a half-completed draft.
Despite all this shenanigan-filled introspection, I'm actually feeling good, really good. If anything, that alone should help mah creative juices continue to flow. Something about the prospect of the security of a regular paycheck does wonders for the sanity, and I'm optimistic for the near future to hurry up and get here.
Sorry for the long-winded whining, and you really don't have to read this if you don't have to (but if you did, Hah!). I see this facet of this website for what it is, a journal, a place to lay down thoughts and observations like this for the future you to perhaps look back on. The fact that this will be shared with a couple other people on the internet, those who might give a hoot about the state of your existence, (or at least what you're capable of putting into their inbox) is just a happy side-effect, I suppose.
I might be back with some more news concerning all this at some later date. Until then, farewell!
Personally I have been thru what you say, from writing almost a tale a month at least now it takes me months to finish one even when the ideas keep coming, I've resorted to writing it all down for future developing though it's getting ridiculous at how many tales and scenes I'm putting down. You write more fluently, I'm sure you're get past this little bump.
You have an awesome storytelling talent, take a pause, get the hang of your job and schedule first and then see how much time you have for writing, remember, it's a hobby, not a job!